physical urges/movements

OMG thank you for this because this is EXACTLY what I go through and I’ve been struggling so much to kind of categorize the feeling and it’s horrendous!!! It’s so hard to explain! I’m a nanny and I obsess over my positioning when the little boy sits on my lap while I read to him and my mind will go wild and if I even move my leg an inch, I’ve convinced myself I did something wrong. I’ve convinced myself that I have to stay completely still when he’s sitting on me or it means something bad it’s EXHAUSTING!! Thinking of you!

@Mikala F Jeez do I go through with this too. There are days where I don't even want to move because my mind will convince me I did that movement because of my intrusive thought like I wanted to actually act on it. Sometimes it genuinely feels like you really wanted to and I try to freak myself out of it but then if I do I'll feel like poop and the cycle continues and continues and uuugghhh. Like recently I've been scared to accidently touch kids that I pass by at work or even cousins or anyone younger. Well we were taking a family photo and a fly went on my arm so I moved it, but I accidently bumped my cousin behind and I immediately said sorry. Now my mind is making it believe that I wanted to do that on purpose and saying sorry was just to look like it was an accident but in reality its something I wanted. And my mind tricks me into thinking I really wanted to do that and it feels like I did which shuts me down. Genuinely don't even want to go out ugh.