kirby7980

Date posted: 2y

Soocd and rocd

So I had dealt with soocd about 3 years ago, and it went away and I never had any issues with it since. But about 2 months ago it got triggered again and it is absolutely ruining my life. The whole time during that 3 years, all I dated was guys, and I never had thoughts. I’m in an amazing relationship of about a year and a half, and the soocd thoughts are killing me. And it soon turned into rocd. My life is a living nightmare. I just want to be with my boyfriend and not have the “what if’ I’m gay” or “was i attracted to her” or “what if the whole time I’ve been with him I was really gay” or “what if I’m just now realizing I’m gay” I constantly check myself when I kiss him and often look at pictures to see if I’m still turned on. I’ve lost my sex drive too. And the fact that my soocd symptoms aren’t as bad because vibe dealt with it before also scares me. Before all of this I loved life and had no doubt that I was going to marry this guy. Will I ever get to live without these thoughts in my head 24/7?

jzepedaa7

Date posted: 2y

I have the same issues pretty much as you , I’m starting to look at this as we are straight with OCD if that makes sense , like we love the opposite gender just our mind isn’t with us and in a glitch so it likes to tell you other wise . I have the worst anxiety when I think about hanging with my girl because I fear getting thoughts and images but I just keep going

kirby7980

Date posted: 2y

@jzepedaa7 I just want to be happy again without the thoughts killing me 24/7. It is easier for me to know that the soocd thoughts aren’t real because I’ve dealt with them before. But then I find myself blaming that for my rocd. My relationship was so perfect before this. Now I worry that I don’t get turned on or find my boyfriend attractive. When literally before all of this I had no problems.

jzepedaa7

Date posted: 2y

@kirby7980 I know trust me it’s terrible you don’t know what’s real or fake , this is definitely the worst one . But don’t try to understand or rationalize your thoughts to reverse phycology . When your mind tells you something that you don’t love your boyfriend just be like you are right , I don’t like him at all you get me . Doesn’t mean you don’t just the way to answer to intrusive thoughts / and even if you get images tell your self you love them again doesn’t mean you do or you will it’s just the way out

kirby7980

Date posted: 2y

@jzepedaa7 Yeah I’m just mostly dealing with soocd now when my rocd chills out. But I dont know which one is worse because they both attack the same thing. My relationship. I just want my old self back ughhhh. Because the rocd questioned whether I found him attractive or not and same with the soocd

kirby7980

Date posted: 2y

@jzepedaa7 I just seriously would give ANYTHING no have never had to go through this. It makes me shake 24/7 it’s constantly on my mind, made me stop eating, i zone out when my friends try to talk to me

jzepedaa7

Date posted: 2y

@kirby7980 Trust me I am literally in the same shoes as you, you aren’t alone . One thing I learned is your ocd attacks what you care about the most which is why it spirals When we are in a relationship . It does not care about your feelings or what you want it’s a bully will lie to you all day just to get a reaction out of tou . So that’s why the only way to beat it is accept the thoughts joke with them agree with them . This will show your mind it doesn’t need to waist energy on bothering you because you don’t even care you get me . It’s not easy it takes practice and full effort everyday .the more you try to push your thoughts away they wil come . So what if those thoughts are in your head ? They don’t define you . Just try to sit with uncertainty and uncomfortableness because no matter how hard we try we won’t have an answer ever

kirby7980

Date posted: 2y

@jzepedaa7 Thank you so much. I’m hoping soon I won’t have to deal with this. It’s really taken a toll on my life and has made me miserable

jzepedaa7

Date posted: 2y

@kirby7980 I get it trust me I’ve been dealing with it for 9 years now , as hard as it is try to be more positive and don’t have the goal of being better just take it a day at a time cause it’s a process. I prayed so many times “ please let me go back to normal “ I’ve been there before but this is our life we were born with OCD gotta just live it

kirby7980

Date posted: 2y

@jzepedaa7 Yeah but I had soocd 3 years ago and never dealt with it until now. And it’s killing me rn. I know I’ll get through this and I’ll be fine soon. It’s just right now that Really sucks

kirby7980

Date posted: 2y

@jzepedaa7 And rocd soocd is definitely not a fun combo😭

jzepedaa7

Date posted: 2y

@kirby7980 Just a little motivation , had one of the best times ever with my girlfriend today I feel as hopeful as I ever have 🙏🙏 I gotta say that accepting my thoughts / erp / CBT have been what has helped

kirby7980

Date posted: 2y

@jzepedaa7 Thank you for this!!! A lot of this sucks extra for me right now because it’s long distance😭 but we got this!!!🙌🏻

jzepedaa7

Date posted: 2y

@kirby7980 100 percent took me 9 years to kind of figure it out lol but there definitely is a way out

jzepedaa7

Date posted: 2y

@kirby7980 Just keep your vision , and stay true to what you believe you are in your heart and anything else your mind tries to tell you just know it’s bs

kirby7980

Date posted: 2y

@jzepedaa7 Yeah i just look at pics and I’m like is he even cute? Do i love him? Will I get turned on again? Because rn I really want to see him because he’s coming home next week. But then I get thoughts with that sick feeling about how maybe im not going to like it or that things will feel off.

jzepedaa7

Date posted: 2y

@kirby7980 Try answering all those thoughts with maybe or maybe not , and even try as far as telling yourself , no I don’t think he’s cute no I don’t love him and no I won’t get turned on . Basically don’t question your thoughts and just agree with them , that’ll show your brain you don’t fear it and will lower anxiety and the thoughts . Not easy at first but you will get the hang of it .and just recognize they are not your thoughts and don’t stress about seeing your boyfriend

jzepedaa7

Date posted: 2y

@kirby7980 For example with hocd whenever I’ll get a thought saying I’m gay , I’d go as far as saying I’m the most gay guy in the world I love dicks etc , or when my mind will tell me you don’t like your gf I’d answer you are right I don’t I’m just gonna hang out with her tonight just cause

kirby7980

Date posted: 2y

@jzepedaa7 Ok thank you so much!

Miss.OCD

Date posted: 10w

Hey, how’re you doing now?

Ellie.

Date posted: 25w

I’m begging ANYONE help I can’t take it anymore!!

I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???

Relationship OCD

Uypvqcm5

Date posted: 23w

ROCD

For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 22w

So-ocd

Im a 21 year old female in a straight relationship with the best guy a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months ago, I went to get coffee with a friend and as I dropped her off, I got a “weird” vibe from her and the look she gave me which lead to the thought of “should I kiss her”….Ive never had a thought like that before and I never have ever wanted to kiss another girl. I have also never had a desire to be with another girl (sexually or romantically). Now though, I have had one other experience of being with a different friend going to get lunch and it felt weird. Ever since then I have been on google non stop with hundreds of different searches, questioning if im lying to myself of my boyfriend, wondering about my past relationships even though Ive only dated boys, been attracted to boys, crushed on boys, etc… boy crazy! Reading on other forums has been a big thing too or doing quizzes. I believe its SO-OCD but im so scared that what if its not. I am in therapy and actually had two weeks of not even thinking about it or googling it until yesterday. I dont know what to do.

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Soocd and rocd

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