OCD skews your thinking

So this morning I wake up depressed in trouble really my thoughts are worried embarrassed ashamed I think mostly worried and troubled that I had a trigger about my kid in which his genitals were involved. I am ashamed that I was embarrassed and didn’t know where to look and I am scared about the fact that I got triggered and that I don’t know what’s wrong with me I know that I have OCD but POCD it is a relatively new thing and I haven’t talked to the doctor that much about it I didn’t have much fear about the actual balls is about where I should look which I guess is similar or the same thing now that I have been set free from the anxiety of the moment I am now feeling the after effects which is wanting to be reassured so I’m back in the cycle and I’m wanting to be reassured that I’m a good person that what happened was definitely POCD and that I can have a normal relationship with my son I feel that going to his room to hang out with him was compensating and may have felt strange because I never go and hang out there I was trying to create an exposure but it may have been some sort of compulsion I am altogether just embarrassed by the whole thing I am embarrassed by going in to hang out with him I feel it may have definitely been compensating to create a exposure but it ended up really feeling like a compulsion in any event I just feel that I am exposing myself to him with my OCD with that behavior going to hang out in his room made me feel like I was just sort of trsnspsrent. I feel so embarrassed and I wish that somebody were here to help me understand this illness better and I wish that I could feel a little bit better about what happened it certainly wasn’t my fault but it affects my kid (what I mean is my own exoerience if my kid, not my kid; it affects ME, not him; I continue givinf my all and being appropriate etc)…and I feel embarrassed when I have this experience and it’s about him because he didn’t ask for it and I didn’t ask for it and when I saw his balls if anything I wanted to look at them because I thought if I look at them the anxiety would go away, and also because well that’s really the only reason. I feel like I need to repent that’s exactly how I feel I feel like I need to repent like there’s something I did that I need to make recompense for because I because the attention I put on the moment of the trigger and how it has to do with his genitals makes me feel (anxious, not knowing where to look); goes against my values I suppose although those aren’t my values i am a humanist so I’m a little confused like how are used to feel when I was little and I would masturbate (we were religious) like I should be ashamed of the anxiety (i know diesnt make sense. and be corrected about that that like it has to do with my own deficiency and grossness but I have to remind myself I was afraid of them really; and I was afraid of what they might mean about me but they don’t mean anything about me I’m just his mom and there is genitals and I’ve seen in 1 million time is it in there’s nothing wrong with me I just have OCD right now I need to remember this. Need to remember that OCD does not have any meaning and even though I may want to give it meaning because of how I’ve lived my whole life OCD is not involve to give me meaning is a pedophile or someone who is deficient morally deficient or who should feel ashamed OCD is there to make me feel scared and that’s about it. Ocd exist to make me feel scared in this as I interpret it bad about myself but OCD is just there to make me feel scared like touching a hot stove it’s my interpretation of it that makes me feel bad about myself so I need to change my interpretation I had an experience where my son came into my room for whatever reason OCD has attached alarm to these things so I get alarmed by these things and being alarmed by those things makes me feel that I could be wrong with me because the fear of it pulls my attention and pulling my attention makes me feel that there is a reason for me to pull my attention and that reason must be that I am morally deficient but the fact is my attention is just being polled because I’m afraid and I am afraid because OCD is latched onto that and is pulling my attention to make me afraid and I’ve got this from reading several different articles so I’m gonna have to assume that this is true

Anonymous

Date posted: 25w

Still not okay

What should I do? I already talked to my mom and we worked it out, but OCD won't leave it alone. Here is the situation: OCD is ruining my relationship with my family. Along with my porn addiction, I can't see innocent interactions without malice or wondering if it's appropriate. My mom and sister always had this game of slapping each other's butts, and I always found it funny, but these days I have been feeling uncomfortable about it and asked them to stop. My OCD is trying to convince me that my mom has said me, because one time she said that if she were a boy, she would date me and one time she just blurted out "marry me" I told her I hated that, she apologized and said she didn't mean it and never did it again. A lot of the things she said these days I wonder if they're appropriate, like commenting on my body, it was things like "Your butt is smaller", because I lost a lot of weight. And these days she was talking to my sister and she said that her breasts are growing and my sister was like "I know😝😝" and she poked the side of her breasts and they just laughed. I asked them about it and my sister says that she sees no problem at all. I remember that when I started puberty, my mom would ask to touch my breasts, she never actually touched, but she was afraid cuz when she was in puberty she said her breasts hurt a lot, and she was always like "You are growing so much, they are cute." And I would get sad cuz mine's weren't big as hers. I am spiraling and my mom is the most sweet person in the world, she supports me in EVERYTHING and has always taught me to set boundaries and stand up for myself, she always respected my boundaries and talked to me about delicate things and I always felt comfortable to walk around naked or ask her ANYTHING. But remembering these things are making me question her behavior, when I know she did not mean harm and I notice that 89% of every mom I met, are like her, she is probably like that because that's how she was created, and Honestly, if she did not mean any harm then everything is fine. As I said I didn't felt uncomfortable, but OCD is like "You should feel uncomfortable because that is inappropriate behavior." It's just that I didn't care for those things I even once asked to touch my mother's breasts when I was younger cuz hers were so different and I was like "What?!?!? why are we different?" and she was like "ok" and I stopped to think that I literally used to breastfeed on them and I was " 😮😮" like, I feel bad nowdays but I was curious, and my mom just said "It's okay, but If you did it out of malice then it would be wrong and I would be uncomfy." Now OCD is making me not want to be near my mom when she literally respects my boundaries, I said I didn't want her to do these things again and she agreed without even a second thought.

Anony1314

Date posted: 20w

I'm seriously depressed. Idk what to do or think.

So I dealt with something a couple weeks ago that's caused me DEBILITATING anxiety. I just want to know if this follows the OCD pattern. I talked with my therapist and she confused me. Just say if follows along the OCD pattern or not. I don't need reassurance per se! My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt her that I might as well do something else to hurt because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it because my mind told me I had hurt her already ("my mind literally made me question what to do and I guess the only thing I could come up with was using my elbow) and causing another feeling but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side/thigh area. Which caused another very unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. And I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. I was doing SO well! Is this really the POCD I was diagnosed with?

POCD

hopefulxmess

Date posted: 16w

Pls has anyone been through this?

Let me start by prefacing that I developed ocd as postpartum ocd after having my first child. I had harm and pocd. I had it on and off for years and then it just eventually went away completely for many years until recently after a stressful life event. Now that it’s back it again targets my children but now my grandchildren also. It’s been horrible and makes me pull away from them. Last night my 6 year old granddaughter threw up in the car when my daughter was about to take her home so my daughter brought her back in the house and asked me to clean her up while she cleaned her car. I had some anxiety about it because of my ocd but I couldn’t say no to helping so I opened the bathroom door and my granddaughter was standing in her underwear waiting for me to clean and dress her. Everything was fine and normal but then for some reason, I have no idea why, I looked down at her chest area. I immediately got so upset and didn’t know why I looked there and now my ocd is saying it’s because i’m a monster. I tried to tell myself it’s just normal human behavior when someone is standing there naked that you look where you shouldn’t simply because it’s just there in front of you but I feel horrible. I don’t feel any inappropriate way about her or any child but my ocd is saying it was inappropriate. Has anyone else been through this?

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OCD skews your thinking

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