Soocd and rocd

@jzepedaa7 I’m trying, it’s just so hard. I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. I never had this once while dating him. I just want to have my normal life😭😭😭 this is seriously so exhausting

@jzepedaa7 Bro I’m ps help me

@jzepedaa7 I mean I did the erp for the one thought “what if im gay” and it slowly went away. Now I feel like I’m towards the end of it. I just need need to get through this.

@kirby7980 Now it’s just the constant ruminating and worrying about the next time I’m with my boyfriend or what if I’ve been lying to him the whole time. But the thoughts don’t really give me much anxiety anymore because I know they aren’t true.

@kirby7980 I had the same thoughts with my girlfriend , I just still hung out with her anyways and let the thoughts be there and little by little started losing powers . Your boyfriend can even be a good exposure for you . And the more you are exposed to him the easier it will get to ignore the thoughts . Especially if you are thinking the thoughts will be there when you see your boyfriend they definitely will be . Answer that thought with “yea the thoughts will be there when I see my boyfriend , I’m still going to enjoy him though “

@jzepedaa7 Ok i will definitely be doing that. I guess I’m just super scared. I know that I am slowly getting better though. It is just going to take time.

@kirby7980 I just don’t want to lose my relationship. Before all this I wanted to marry him and have a family. We were so obsessed with eachother and I had honestly never had a relationship like that ever before in my life. I just don’t want to lose it.

@kirby7980 Like I said stay true to your identity , even with the thoughts . If you wanted to marry him before then stick with that don’t fear the thoughts as they are just thoughts not you . Let the thoughts be no matter what don’t look to feel better or live your life differently

@jzepedaa7 Yeah it’s always that what if coming from the past. Yk like over analyzing all of your past interactions. But just from the advice you’ve given me today, I can tell you that my symptoms have lowered ALOT

@kirby7980 I’m not feeding you any lies I really want to help . The what ifs from your past aren’t real either you handle that the same . Just say I guess that time when I was 6 did mean I was gay who knows . I’ve managed to stop looking at my past already . The way it works pretty much is when you answer your brain like that every time , it slows down the alarms in your brain making you scared and anxious cause your brain doesn’t like to waist energy on shit that it doesn’t need to . The reason your brain waist so much energy on your SOCD is because of your reactions to the thoughts , cause the brain is an organ it does not understand feeling or language. That’s why it attacks your relationship even though you like it and know you want it the brain just doesn’t care or understand what you feel , it’s used to your reaction from the thoughts so every time you react it’ll go off the same . That’s why the way to get better is to accept your thoughts and agree again doesn’t mean it’s true it’s just scientifically the way to get better . Any where you look up YouTube google they will all say the same thing . Try watching the one point videos on HOCD he really gave me a great understanding. Also try looking up “allow yourself to be gay “ on YouTube . And overcoming hocd stories they will all say the same you gotta pretty much let yourself be gay to get better (again doesn’t mean you are or will turn gay as sexuality doesn’t change , anyone who says so doesn’t understand science as you are either born gay or straight by the number of chromosomes in your body)

@jzepedaa7 Thank you so much for this. I wish there was a way I could personally thank you. But you have tremendously helped me and not only saved me, but also my relationship.

@kirby7980 You can thank me by getting better and living your life the way you want to . Helping people who struggled like me is why I do this cause I know the pain and suffering it brings

@kirby7980 It is very complicated when you don’t understand cause you tend to react and question all your thoughts which only makes you get stuck in the loop more and more , but if you would’ve had that first thought and just took it for what is it just a thought the spiral would’ve never started you know . The constant analyzing and questioning is fuel to the OCD/ there’s even been cases of people with HOCD coming out and getting with the same sex and not enjoying it all which makes them even more confused . They just believed there thoughts too much and never got help . Also if you didn’t know gay people can also have the fear of being straight which makes the OCD even more believable

@jzepedaa7 Yeah if I was really gay, I never would have enjoyed a relationship this much with my boyfriend. I never would have enjoyed sex with him. I never would have wanted to be with him 24/7. I never would have been imagining our wedding day and planning our future together. I cant let all my plans get ruin just because something that was said triggered my intrusive thoughts again.

@jzepedaa7 Thank you so much! 🫶🏻

@kirby7980 Or “I wanna leave my boyfriend just not right now I’ll do it another time “

@jzepedaa7 It’s crazy, that I’ve already noticed a lowering in thoughts today… and a lower anxiety level. Like I’m still getting the thoughts, but when I do the erp it’s like it just goes away.

@kirby7980 I will be fully recovered soon. I know it!!!

@kirby7980 Just think about it / if you can improve by 20 percent every week / you will be at 100 percent in 5 weeks

@jzepedaa7 Today has been a lot better. Is it normal for my rocd and hocd to have me questioning if I ever really loved my partner, and be worried that things will never be that same, or be worried to see him again?

@kirby7980 I hate to give you REASURANCE but yes it’s normal . Answer those thoughts with “I never loved my partner ima just chill with him and talk to him all day anyways “ or say “things will never be the same and I’m gonna be worried as fuck to see him , but ima still s see him anyways

@jzepedaa7 Ok🫶🏻😂 i just wanted to let you know that today has by far been my best day in weeks. The mornings are usually more rough. But today has been great so far.

@kirby7980 I know what you mean cause In the mornings when you aren’t 100 percent cured you stress out and think I have to go through another day with these thoughts again !!! Oh no it’s gonna be a terrible day . But when you wake up just be like let’s go I’m ready to accept all the thoughts and uncertainty today , I might even break up with my boyfriend !!!

@jzepedaa7 Yeah I’ve even tried to just stop ruminating on the past. Because all that does is try to just come up with more reasons for why I might be gay or I might have never loved my boyfriend. Lol I’m hoping that in a few weeks I’ll be back to normal.

@kirby7980 Take it day by day just notice improvements daily and if you don’t that’s fine just keep at it

@jzepedaa7 Awesome. Thank you so much!

@jzepedaa7 Also, last question. Is it ok for me to engage with my boyfriend sexually even if I’m getting the thoughts. Because I used to never get them with him when we had sex, but now I feel like it’s the only thing on my mind and me having sex with him is just a way to prove I’m not gay, even though I know I’m not.

@kirby7980 1000 percent I had sex with my girlfriend 4 times yesterday lol

@kirby7980 Definitely don’t refrain from having sex with your partner , but after don’t be like see I enjoyed it I’m straight just take it for what it is enjoy the moment the feelings not the thoughts go down on your boyfriend even though your mind tells you not to etc have the thoughts and keep having sex

@jzepedaa7 Ok so don’t use it as reassurance and after be like “oh maybe I enjoyed it, but maybe i didn’t”?

@kirby7980 Correct just do it and don’t try to think of it as you are having sex with him cause you want to make sure you are having sex with him cause he is your boyfriend same as you would before you were in the loop any other thought isn’t mine

@jzepedaa7 Ok I just worry that it’s all I’m going to think about while we do it. Like “does it feel right” “am I turned on” “am i forcing this”. I’m hoping with the amount of erp I’ve been doing my the time I get to finally see him next week, I’ll be doing a little bit better

@kirby7980 If you worry about it the thoughts will definitely be there , and the thoughts may be there as they are for me sometimes too I just don’t pay it no mind you know . While your having sex with him if you get the thoughts just agree and keep doing what you are doing . You’ll get more comfortable and more comfortable. Not even in a bad way but sometimes your significant other can be the best exposure you can get and there’s nothing wrong with that cause at the end of the day you want to be with them and get through it with them

@jzepedaa7 Ok I gotcha. So just try to be like things were before the soocd came back?

@kirby7980 Everything make it the same

@jzepedaa7 So you think that things will be like they used to one day with me and my boyfriend? I mean nothing is guaranteed, i just want to not have these thoughts. I miss dreaming about us. Everything is so messed up now

@kirby7980 Maybe maybe not , like I said don’t think about the end result take it day by day and trust that you will put In the work to get where you want to

@jzepedaa7 I gotcha. I’m just really scared that what if I’ve been gay the whole time and in denial. Like I look at pics of me and I’m like “do I look gay in this” “was i happy with my bf” like I dont know because I don’t get much anxiety anymore about them

@kirby7980 As I said answer that with I guess I am gay and been denial the whole time , ima still stay with my bf though

@jzepedaa7 👍🏻👍🏻

@jzepedaa7 I say those and feel nothing, but the thoughts are getting less frequent from erp I’m guessing. That’s a good thing right?

@kirby7980 Yes

@jzepedaa7 Yayyyyy I really do feel like I’m making progress

@kirby7980 Keep at it daily

@jzepedaa7 Makes a lot more sense now

@kirby7980 They pretty much go hand in hand for the fact that it makes you doubt your relationship and etc

@jzepedaa7 That makes sense because i was questioning our whole relationship and worrying I wouldn’t be excited or happy to see him. Or that things would be weird or different. Or what if u don’t like it when we kiss or ur doesn’t feel the same. They all go under both ocds

@kirby7980 It’s sad we have to even have ever gone through this honestly but it’s our life and it is what it is you know , we deserve to be happy and a relationship with who we think we like you know we are human too

@jzepedaa7 Yeah i mean before all this happened our relationship was 10000% the best thing in my life. Now it’s constant stress and doubts and worries

@kirby7980 Exactly / just remember that and take anything else as bs until you feel how you did before

@jzepedaa7 Alright I got this!!! Thank you so much for everything. I need to realize that the ocd will try to distort my past, so I need to just stay out of it😭💀

@jzepedaa7 This is the first morning that I woke up and my mind didn’t go straight to the thoughts. I also noticed that I’m getting my sex drive back. Today is going to be great. I just need to remember not to relapse and stick to my erp!!!

@jzepedaa7 I’m still getting pretty bad intrusive images, but they aren’t giving me as much anxiety and they don’t stick in my mind as much. Is this what progress should look like? I went from constant “what if I’m gay” like 24/7 to now getting less thoughts and intrusive images. And they are causing a lot less anxiety. This is good right?

@kirby7980 Yes very good / the goal is to not have the images and thoughts disappear 100 percent . The goal is to learn that the thoughts don’t mean shit and if they do pop up you don’t treat it as a threat you know .little by little they will lose more and more power

@kirby7980 Just think about it any thing less then 24/7 a day is an improvement . Having even a minute or two of clarity is better then 24/7. Every month you’ll notice the days of distress will go lower and lower, for example you probably had 30 bad days / this month maybe 25/ next 20 next 10 next 5 etc

@jzepedaa7 Awesome! It’s definitely getting a lot better. So ig the less scared I react to them, the less and less they will appear because they mean nothing?

@jzepedaa7 It’s getting so much better for me.

@kirby7980 Correct , when you go to sleep at night your brain shrinks and deletes all the bs and stuff it’s waisting it’s energy on little by little through neuroplasticity

@jzepedaa7 Ohhhhh ok that makes so much more sense

@kirby7980 Feel free to hmu on snap any time josezepedaa3