Jealousy… a theme of ROCD

How can we cope with jealousy when one thing our ocd seeks a lot is a play by play of what a relationship “should” be like. How can we find a way to decipher that what we are feeling is a form of trigger when our ocd lives in the lack of certainty of not knowing whether what our partner is doing is a common relationship problem or if they are doing things that we shouldn’t take. Here is something that I didn’t grasp about these questions until recently, one of the roots of my ocd is the fact that I don’t trust my judgment and therefore I can’t sit comfortably with the idea of trusting anyone and that’s where the jealousy has space to live in. Of course it originally showed up as an intrusive thought because I’m also deeply scared that my bf doesn’t love/respect me and that my relationship needs to end, but further than that it’s my lack of faith in my instincts that allows for it to stick, it is what makes it a trigger for me. Through all the themes that show up with ROCD I have found this is the most challenging to me, mostly because it makes me feel suicidal and it makes me feel like my partner is the worst. Those feelings are some of the hardest to navigate through because they bring up so much negativity and so much anguish that it feels like all of my will to manage my ocd escapes. Can anyone relate and how do you manage to keep your objective clear

pau_1124

Date posted: 3y

I mean I know one is to just put everything in term of maybes and sit with the feelings until we feel calm. But for me it usually is out of handle when I’m going through a deep depressive episode, I don’t even want my bf around me in those. So I usually just give myself a break from doing erp and brace myself for what is coming and use being around my bf and trying to believe him as exposure

Ghalia

Date posted: 3y

@pau_1124 Giving yourself the time and space sounds like a good idea considering how stressful it can be carrying these emotions towards your partner. I understand how hard it is, truly. Its one of those this that will require time and effort, so be patient with yourself 🙏🏼

anniegreb

Date posted: 3y

I relate 100%

anniegreb

Date posted: 3y

I ended my marriage for that and have regretted it for 13 years so far. I'm miserable. Non stop flloded with thoughts of regret and feelings can't live like this. It helps new to know itt works on both sides of equation. I assume we need to learn tolook at objective data. Does he act like he resents you when he sees you? Does he lie to you? Do his words sound like contempt? That's what I used as evidence I should leave. I still regret it but I did the right thing. Does he smile when he sees you?treat you respectfully? Honest with you about his feelings? Is he open? Does he help when you are struggling? Do you laugh with h? Have fun together? Things liked that show concern and love

pau_1124

Date posted: 3y

@anniegreb Im a bit confused as to how he treats me relates to the matter of me feeling jealous. My bf is wonderful and trusting and he for the most part is someone who is compassionate and patient with my jealousy. He is honest and he does share his feelings with me, he tells me everyday that I’m beautiful and he takes care of me. Yet I still can’t help but to think the worst, he like any other human makes mistakes and that’s were my fear is. My bf has never messaged or flirted with another women. All of my jealousy is usually surrounding the idea that he is looking and lusting for another woman. Never has played with the line of cheating, my jealousy is living in him just looking and appreciating someone else’s looks. I don’t think this calls for a break up in the least way possible….

anniegreb

Date posted: 3y

I'm not good at texting btw

Ghalia

Date posted: 3y

i relate to this a lot, deeply. I wonder what kind of exposures we need to do relating to this particular subject?

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