can anyone please tell me their experiences with rocd. i love my boyfriend more than i’ve ever loved anytbing to be honest, yet my brain doesn’t understand what i’m telling myself and i spiral into thoughts about maybe you just don’t love him or maybe this relationship isn’t right
Me too, I spiral into thoughts of do I love him? Does he love me? Am I good enough for him? Do I need to tell him all my thoughts? Do I need to tell him something I did in my past that literally has nothing to do with our relationship? Have I cheated on him? Am I attracted enough to him or him to me? Are we gonna break up? What if he's out cheating on me? What if I would be happier with someone else? What if he'd prefer someone else? What if he loves me more than I love him or vice versa? Am I just leading him on and if so I should break up with him RIGHT NOW? I question every situation im in with another person in case I flirted or did something cheaty, I stress about what I say to him or about him to others incase it was actually mean to say. I overthink everything, even thoughts I had 3 years ago I'll spiral into months of stressing about. I have had false memories. I'll overthink how I feel when I'm around him and stress in case I get intrusive thoughts.
But ERP has helped me so much and I'm in a completely different place now than I was a year ago
It can get better if you work on it
@Soupy could i ask you how you did erp for these thoughts? i live in canada and where i live there isn’t many options for ocd specialists around. im hoping NOCD works but other than that, do you have any tips or recommendations?
So I started by saying or writing, for example, 'maybe I don't love him' over and over again. Then I started recording looptapes (on the therapy section) of me saying the thought. I also write fear scripts (a scenario that you write as if it actually happened, for example, I wrote about my therapist telling me that my thoughts weren't OCD, I needed to break up with him because I'm a horrible person) and read it over and over. You can also edit them or rewrite them if they start making you less anxious. I looked at photos of people I stressed about finding attractive or photos of my boyfriend. l found blog posts of people writing that you should break up with your boyfriend if you have these thoughts and read them over and over. This by itself isn't ERP, you also need to not ruminate, check, try and figure your thoughts out, confess, avoid, or whatever your compulsions are as you do this. I try and do this kind of ERP everyday but also in the moment of when the thoughts pop in my head I dont ask for reassurance. I tend to compulsively either google questions or ask my boyfriend questions or confess to him. Instead I just think 'yeah maybe that thought is true, I don't know, maybe I never will' and then either do the ERP exercises I mentioned above or do something else. Don't avoid the thought. Accept it and move on. It doesn't matter what the content of your thoughts is, it's all OCD. Also don't avoid situations, I stress that if I sit next to a guy or talk to one I'll have cheated so I don't avoid doing that and I don't confess it to my boyfriend. You'll do this in therapy but make a hierarchy of your thoughts (starting with what makes you least to most anxious) some of mine I couldn't even say or write down at the start but as you work up these, doing ERP on each, it got better. The app is really good for setting your ERP exercises up as you can add links to pages, add photos, looptapes, fear scripts etc.
Also watch videos on OCD, listen to audio books on it, just educate yourself on it
Ive been listening to 'brain lock' and a podcast called 'the OCD stories' has a good one on rocd
I also realised I check my phone a lot or want to read his messages straight away because I stress that he's messaged telling me we're breaking up so I try to not open them for a while
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.
Hi. I wanted to stop posting here, but I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m feeling so lost. I’m in a relationship that, from the outside, looks wonderful. We’ve been together for 2 years. He loves me deeply. He’s kind and caring. And still… I can’t feel anything. I can’t imagine a future with him — living together, starting a family, growing old. When I try, it feels like something in me shuts down, like it’s wrong. I don’t feel happiness in the relationship. I don’t feel love, warmth, or comfort. I feel anxiety, numbness, guilt, and fear. We fight over the smallest things. My thoughts scream that I don’t love him, that I’m forcing this, that I’m just used to him. The scariest part is: sometimes I feel okay, even calm. And that’s when it hits me — “What if this calm means I’ve accepted the truth? What if I don’t love him?” It feels like I’m in shock. Like I’m finally seeing clearly… but I’m terrified that it’s a clarity I never wanted. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I just know that I’m exhausted. And I want peace. If anyone else has felt this — the numbness, the fear, the doubt that feels like the truth — please tell me how you’ve gotten through it. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this. i know that people reading this will tell me to leave. but i dont have any reasons. All the problems started because of my never ending thoughts. i feel like i ruin everything. i feel like i have changed. im so lost and scared. i dont understand what is happening. It feels so real. im in agony, im crying so much. I wasnt always like this. i am trying to remember times i felt better and i cant. i cant feel anything. its so hard. i can’t explain how i feel and in scared what are you going to respond if someone will. i usually see “if you feel so bad then leave” but its not like that. he loves me so much and if the thoughts werent there it would gave been so different. everything was perfect. but i keep thinking that when the thoughts started, one and a half years ago, i realised that “i just dont like him” and gbat i couldn’t accept the truth and i am denying it. i feel fake. do i even have rocd? or is this cope?? why do i feel like this. why does it feel so real? please somebody help me
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