- Username
- figuringitallout
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you cat! For your honesty and encouragement. It was definitely a bad decision. Even though we got consent to continue, we should have realized that it still was just an uncomfortable thing to do. In the moment I promise it did feel very much like “yeah I’m fine do whatever you want” but we were being dumb and horny, and not thinking what he could have been feeling in the inside. Thank you for saying I deserve to be forgiven. This has felt like a dark cloud over my head, like I did some horrible thing and should be punished for.
Well thank you for being honest. I’m so sorry to know you had a worse experience. Please feel like you can open up if you want too. I would not judge you at all. And I am sure that whatever you did it is NOT who you are. We all make mistakes
Can you maybe post it on one of my comments? I don’t know how to read something someone recently posted
There are tags? Hah
So last summer I was with one of my best friends and we invited another guy were friendly with to hang with us with the intention of hooking up. When we got to his house he got weird and didn’t wanna do anything and so we obvi tried with him a few times but once he wasn’t into it we just were like ok cool whatever
So me and my friend started hooking up and we asked if that was ok while he was there and he was like yeah sure whatever
And when we finished I asked him like are you sure that was ok was that weird for you to be here and witness lol and he was like no no it’s fine
But over the year I got anxious maybe it was not a good situation with all of the MeToo stories coming out. Like my understanding of consent chandler
You had sex with your friend in front of him?
Personally I think this was a bad decision. It doesn’t matter if you asked him if he wanted to go, when you could tell he was uncomfortable. It seems like you’re just saying these things to make yourself feel better. Which is okay! I understand this completely. But you need to accept you did something wrong and more importantly that it is OKAY! You’re a human, we do wrong things. You feel bad about it, which signifies you are not this evil thing you think you are. What happened is not bad enough to destroy the person. They may never forget it, but it isn’t something that would cause permanent damage to relationships or anything like that. You’re being too hard on yourself. You need to forgive yourself. I think you deserve to be forgiven.
I have done something WAY worse than this, that even with a code name I don’t know if I will ever be able to say what it was I did. Maybe one day. I understand feeling like you need to be punished that you shouldn’t be forgiven. In my case I believe it because it was way worse. I know it seems like it is horrible and it has tormented you,I do not doubt this. But truthfully I wish my “bad thing” was your situation. I would rather have done what you did 100 times than what I did once. I don’t need assurance, just wanted to let you know it can quite literally always be worse.
Ok! It’s under the depression and getting support tags. Can you see those?
Yea I don’t know what you mean by that ??♀️
Oh sorry lol. Yeah when you post don’t you guys get tag options? Anyway I’ll send my story
So I just reached out to him and apologized and he was like it’s fine I’m fine, but I also felt like maybe he did feel weird about it which is understandable but I’m so scared he feels assaulted or something and I feel literally sick thinking I caused it
Sorry that’s a lot of info lol
Basically. Not sex though just made out and some other stuff. We asked him a few times if he cared and i deff remember saying to him we would drive him home and afterwords I personally asked him if he was cool or felt weird and he was like no I’m fine I just didn’t feel like doing anything/was tired. And that was it
When we got there we tried flirting with him a bit and there was some touching (maybe he kissed my friend?) but then he really lost interest so we kinda just were like oh ok well whatever. But now I’m paranoid that that is actually something bad or that he felt taken advantaged of and when I reached out he didn’t seem upset just awkward and not into maybe how it all went down. Which is totally fair! I’m just having a hard time accepting I took part in something so stupid/could have maybe hurt someone
can someone help me with my post from 6 hours ago please. just please.
Can somebody PLEASE reply on my last post Pls im begging
CW: fears of bigotry - I would feel absolutely horrible if I made anyone feel uncomfortable. I have no intention of minimizing the genuine trauma and injustice of oppressive systems. I beg of you not to read this if you might be insulted, and I apologize in advance for any potential harm my honesty might cause. I really hope it doesn’t. Also CW for anxiety about worthlessness/stupidity and lying/exaggerating diagnosis. Hey everyone. I want to start by saying that, if you’re only logging on for a few minutes, you don’t need to prioritize my post. I know many folks on here are in crisis and don’t have much of a support system, and I believe they need and deserve responses before I do. (I have a therapist and supportive family.) But I’ve been afraid to post on here for a few months now, and I’m finally doing it, though I don’t really know why, because it feels futile + wrong. I’m so terrified that I’m a worthless person in every way. I feel like I’m a disgusting bigot. I have horrible racist thoughts and I know I’m not sufficiently disturbed by them. I was diagnosed with OCD, but I feel like I’m just using this as an excuse when I am, in truth, an unforgivable monster. I’ve had therapists tell me that, if I was truly who I think and fear I am, I wouldn’t be so disturbed by my thoughts, but I just don’t believe that’s true, even if I wish it were. I know that these beliefs are evil because of the environment I grew up in, but wanting to be anti-oppressive doesn’t necessarily mean one is; anybody can hold bigoted beliefs, even if they don’t like them, and I feel I must pay attention to them and suffer as a result. I’m currently on leave from college and I know I’m going to have to go back because that’s what my parents want, but I truly feel I am a horrible person and I don’t deserve success or happiness. I feel I should suffer in perpetuity and be isolated from society; otherwise, I may forget how diabolical I truly am. I feel terrified that I’m exaggerating my suffering; that I’m not depressed or anxious enough and that I’m too easily getting through the day, which a good person with these thoughts or a truly mentally ill person never could, but that I’m not even afraid enough of being a liar. I need to be a good person and do the right thing, but I’m being forced into treatment, which I know is a privilege; however, I fear it will desensitize me from my horribleness, thereby making me even worse. I’ve tried so hard to believe I’m not this awful person, because I desperately don’t want to be, but I can’t delude myself when the evidence is overwhelming. I know that if these were just intrusive thoughts, I wouldn’t have the right ones sometimes and the wrong ones in other situations; I wouldn’t be able to so easily move past them, and there wouldn’t be exceptions to my horrible beliefs. I also know that I am a worthless person in other ways. I am so stupid, incompetent, and irresponsible. I don’t even know how to navigate getting around my city despite being 20, I lack common sense and basic knowledge - I am a horrible human being and I feel like I lied to myself for my whole life.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond