- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you cat! For your honesty and encouragement. It was definitely a bad decision. Even though we got consent to continue, we should have realized that it still was just an uncomfortable thing to do. In the moment I promise it did feel very much like “yeah I’m fine do whatever you want” but we were being dumb and horny, and not thinking what he could have been feeling in the inside. Thank you for saying I deserve to be forgiven. This has felt like a dark cloud over my head, like I did some horrible thing and should be punished for.
- Date posted
- 6y
Well thank you for being honest. I’m so sorry to know you had a worse experience. Please feel like you can open up if you want too. I would not judge you at all. And I am sure that whatever you did it is NOT who you are. We all make mistakes
- Date posted
- 6y
Can you maybe post it on one of my comments? I don’t know how to read something someone recently posted
- Date posted
- 6y
There are tags? Hah
- Date posted
- 6y
So last summer I was with one of my best friends and we invited another guy were friendly with to hang with us with the intention of hooking up. When we got to his house he got weird and didn’t wanna do anything and so we obvi tried with him a few times but once he wasn’t into it we just were like ok cool whatever
- Date posted
- 6y
So me and my friend started hooking up and we asked if that was ok while he was there and he was like yeah sure whatever
- Date posted
- 6y
And when we finished I asked him like are you sure that was ok was that weird for you to be here and witness lol and he was like no no it’s fine
- Date posted
- 6y
But over the year I got anxious maybe it was not a good situation with all of the MeToo stories coming out. Like my understanding of consent chandler
- Date posted
- 6y
You had sex with your friend in front of him?
- Date posted
- 6y
Personally I think this was a bad decision. It doesn’t matter if you asked him if he wanted to go, when you could tell he was uncomfortable. It seems like you’re just saying these things to make yourself feel better. Which is okay! I understand this completely. But you need to accept you did something wrong and more importantly that it is OKAY! You’re a human, we do wrong things. You feel bad about it, which signifies you are not this evil thing you think you are. What happened is not bad enough to destroy the person. They may never forget it, but it isn’t something that would cause permanent damage to relationships or anything like that. You’re being too hard on yourself. You need to forgive yourself. I think you deserve to be forgiven.
- Date posted
- 6y
I have done something WAY worse than this, that even with a code name I don’t know if I will ever be able to say what it was I did. Maybe one day. I understand feeling like you need to be punished that you shouldn’t be forgiven. In my case I believe it because it was way worse. I know it seems like it is horrible and it has tormented you,I do not doubt this. But truthfully I wish my “bad thing” was your situation. I would rather have done what you did 100 times than what I did once. I don’t need assurance, just wanted to let you know it can quite literally always be worse.
- Date posted
- 6y
Ok! It’s under the depression and getting support tags. Can you see those?
- Date posted
- 6y
Yea I don’t know what you mean by that ??♀️
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh sorry lol. Yeah when you post don’t you guys get tag options? Anyway I’ll send my story
- Date posted
- 6y
So I just reached out to him and apologized and he was like it’s fine I’m fine, but I also felt like maybe he did feel weird about it which is understandable but I’m so scared he feels assaulted or something and I feel literally sick thinking I caused it
- Date posted
- 6y
Sorry that’s a lot of info lol
- Date posted
- 6y
Basically. Not sex though just made out and some other stuff. We asked him a few times if he cared and i deff remember saying to him we would drive him home and afterwords I personally asked him if he was cool or felt weird and he was like no I’m fine I just didn’t feel like doing anything/was tired. And that was it
- Date posted
- 6y
When we got there we tried flirting with him a bit and there was some touching (maybe he kissed my friend?) but then he really lost interest so we kinda just were like oh ok well whatever. But now I’m paranoid that that is actually something bad or that he felt taken advantaged of and when I reached out he didn’t seem upset just awkward and not into maybe how it all went down. Which is totally fair! I’m just having a hard time accepting I took part in something so stupid/could have maybe hurt someone
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w
Early this morning, my mom and I had a really, really long discussion. We talked about a lot, but it eventually led to me. She said that because of her past relationships, which she feels like involved some sort of power struggle, sometimes if I hug her too often, she gets uncomfortable/anxious. For context, before my parents (mom or dad) go anywhere, I'll say goodbye, I love you, and give them a quick hug or two. Even if I'm just going upstairs or walking away from a conversation! I've done this since I was little. It might've been a compulsion back then, but it's just habit now. But a couple of months ago, when I was in a really dark place due to OCD, I'd give my mom really long hugs because I just wanted comfort during that point in time. Unfortunately, it ended up stressing my mom out, and she pushed me away once and said it was weird or uncomfortable when I hugged her because it didn't feel genuine. That really hurt to be rejected like that, and then later, my sister told me my mom complained about me in the car about how it felt like I was draining the energy from her and annoying. Which... That hurt, too. But I mainly felt guilt because that wasn't my intention at all, and I've since tried my best not to hug her as often. So when she brought it up again today, she said she feels like she's experiencing a power struggle with me and that when I was younger, she said she felt like everything had to be on my terms. The context behind that is due to me being a really anxious child (and baby). I'd wake her up because I'd get really bad anxiety at night and panic, and she said it was really exhausting and that she's never known what to do with me. Then she went on to tell me really private details about my father and hers marriage (they've been divorced since I was little), and how that's affected her, and I just felt really uncomfortable. Like I want to be respect her boundaries, and I don't want to make her uncomfortable, but... I don't know what to do with all of this...? I didn't need to know those details about her and my father, and I feel really disgusting inside. And also guilty because my dad doesn't know that I know any of these things now, and I'm overwhelmed. I talked to my dad and his girlfriend about it, and I just started crying. I just feel so... Ugh :( They both comforted me, and my dad said that my mom's always struggled with physical affection and that I shouldn't take it personally. But it hurts to be rejected by a parent like that. I've tried the best I can to be understanding and supportive with her, but it just felt like she's seen me as a burden or something unfixable. If you read this far, thank you so much. I'm just really struggling to process this. I felt better after talking with my dad, but once he went to bed and I went back to my room, I just broke down.
- Date posted
- 12w
I actually didn't realise this til now because I just assumed it was a coping mechanism from when I was really young. But when I tend to get stressed out or overwhelmed, I'll often start talking out loud to myself (which mostly means just whispering to myself because if i spoke really loudly, my mom would hear me lol). But nowadays with my fear of being surveilled, I keep having to catch myself because it's such a habit at this point for me to whisper out loud. Especially with me trying to reason through my false memories or really bad intrusive thoughts. Another compulsion. And then I keep thinking omg did I have my phone with me when I said that. Is anyone watching me rn? What if this person (that probably doesn't even exist) thinks my thoughts are true? What would everyone else think? And then I spiral afterwards. It sucks because I feel like I'm policing myself even when I know these are all just things I'm saying out loud and they don't mean anything— they're just thoughts after all. But I have this worry that if someone overheard me or all of this was suddenly revealed, that it might change how people see me or people might hate me or think i'm a bad person. And then I worry about me being worried about that because then I ask myself would a good person be worried about this? Anyways, another long post with me waffling and rambling. Thank you for taking the time to read this ❤️🩹
- POCD
- Real Events OCD
- BIPOC with OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- False Memory OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 11w
First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?
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