Scared. Please help.

I feel like i truly do not know what’s going on right now. Like i don’t feel with it at all. I don’t know how to describe it but i feel really weird. I have super bad intrusive harm images in top of it. The fact that I’m experiencing these images while not feeling with it is beyond scary. What if i just lose sense of who i am and do something super bad. The images are so gruesome and i don’t know what to do. What if i just do what I’m visualizing and not even realize it? Is it possible to just forget who you are? I’m so scared. Is this ocd? Is it just me? Am i a Monster? What if i act on these images that I’m having? What if i just don’t care? I think I’m scared but am i really? What if i just lose it?

[Deleted]

Date posted: 2y

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bodhisattava

Date posted: 2y

@KrunchyPie22 When I was at my peak with ocd, I felt the these same sensations! You can do it, you got this!!!

Anon17

Date posted: 2y

@KrunchyPie22 Thank you so so so much for this. 🤍 it truly means a lot to know that I’m not alone. And it truly means a lot coming from you because I’ve been following your posts because our experiences are somewhat similar. And i seen how much you were struggling so for you to go out of your way for this is truly remarkable. My intrusive thoughts started about 2 months ago and have progressively gotten worse over time. And now I’m feeling the disassociation or derealization which makes it 10x scarier. Like my most latest fear or intrusive thought/image was/is being like Dahmer and everything under the sun was a trigger for me and i felt like i was in a maze that i could not escape. Yesterday i felt pretty good and had little to no thoughts and i felt like i finally escaped that maze. But now a new maze if you will has begun it seems like. Today i feel like it is a mixture of Dahmer related intrusive thoughts (but not as bad) with a mixture of fearing what If i just completely go psycho. Like what if i just completely lose who i am and go off on the people i love. I keep seeing super gruesome images that scare me and now I’m in my head thinking about what if i just go insane/ballistic. And my Mind literally keeps saying “what if you don’t care” “what if you want to do it”. And it’s so scary. Like honestly since I’ve been struggling with this it seems repetitive like one maze closes and another one twice as bad opens. I am not in therapy. I feel like i can afford a few sessions but it’s just the thought of what if they don’t diagnose me with ocd but instead tell me that i need help and to go to a mental institution because nobody experiences thoughts like mine. It’s a never ending battle but thank you soo much again

Taylen

Date posted: 2y

@Anon17 the Dahmer series is what first triggered all of these thoughts and images, it was of me doing everything he did to the people i love the most, its horrifying. I feel so detached from myself and dont know what to do. Almost everything triggers me also. I cant even hear the word “body” or “bone” or anything like that. I feel so alone and sad.

Anon17

Date posted: 2y

@TaylenThompson This is exactly how i feel. I’m so glad I’m not alone.

Anon17

Date posted: 2y

@KrunchyPie22 Thank you so so much 🤍 I’ll definitely take your advice and try to shrug it off the best i can. I noticed that trying to seek reassurance sometimes makes me feel worse. So I’m going to try my best to sit with the discomfort and do some guided meditation and mindfulness. I’ve been trying to get through this on my own because I’m afraid to tell family about it. Like nobody in my household has mental issues so the fact that I’m dealing with this makes me feel like there is something truly wrong with me. So i haven’t told anyone about this and I’ve been trying to get through it in my own before it gets to bad where i completely isolate and stuff like that. But it’s been hard that’s for sure. I’m thankful that i found this app so i can tell my experiences to someone that has experienced the same thing.

Taylen

Date posted: 2y

this is the same things ive been saying to myself for a couple of days, it was bad a first but then it got worse and now i feel like im going through derealization and harm ocd im not diagnosed but im almost sure thats what it is. I need help to and im terrified i really am. Please remember we will get through this together and we will fight it. Message me if you ever need anything im always here to talk.

Anon17

Date posted: 2y

@TaylenThompson Thank you so so much. I’m glad I’m not alone and am so sorry you are dealing with this

Cisforcaro

Date posted: 2y

Krunchy is correct about the DP/DR feelings. And I think of it like shock except for the brain. You know if you get in an accident and your body goes into shock and it actually can do more harm than good? That's what DP/DR is like. Your brain thinks it's helping but it's actually ruining everything lol.

bodhisattava

Date posted: 2y

Hi anon17 I highly recommend the Instagram page @ocdrecoverycom it is very helpful and has very insightful facts on their for your recovery! You are not alone!!!

Anon17

Date posted: 2y

@bodhisattava Thank you so much for the recommendation

ivrec

Date posted: 2y

I read a book “overcoming harm ocd” by Jon Hershfield. It is great to help with harm ocd.

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

yaya_zz

Date posted: 22w

OCD flaring up

My ocd has been flaring up lately I’ve noticed some things that I don’t know if it’s ocd or something else whenever I seen someone like drugged or sick or just not “normal” I feel like or get scared that’s gonna end up being me? Does that make sense or then after a few minutes I feel like I’m them I don’t know exactly how to explain it I feel like I’m gonna start acting crazy or like I act weird or like them ? Idk exactly how to explain it and I have such a drop in my stomach thinking of it because it makes me feel insane, I haven’t had such an ocd episode so it’s getting hard again and making me feel insane specially because I don’t know how to explain this that I feel, I feel so scared rn can someone please comment on this?

alyssa_h

Date posted: 19w

i can’t do this much longer

i’m having a full on panic attack, i never used to be like this, what tf is happening to me, why am i like this, i’m so convinced i’m a horrible person and i deserve to be shut out forever because of my thoughts, i’m tired of struggling with harm ocd, i’m scared that because i have mental health issues i’m gonna end up ki!!ing someone someday or end up on the news, when i was at work earlier i kept thinking “how easy would it be to ki!! someone and get away with it” someone help, i don’t feel normal, am i crazy?… 😭😭i know that with ocd you’re not supposed to have reassurance and you have to be “okay” with the situation but.. how am i supposed to be okay with feeling like i could hurt someone…

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