My OCD has swapped around in the past- primarily focused on HOCD and then I just accepted maybe I was attracted to both men and women, (men primarily, women only sexually occasionally) after I had sex with a girl - I didn’t know at the time it was OCD - and now it has focused on beastiality. I’m terrified. I hate HATE to admit this but when I was younger I let a dog lick my private area, and ever since I can’t stop thinking maybe that was because I wanted it? Even though I know deep down it was just sexual curiosity - the actual act of intimacy and not the animal, but now I get scared. In the past few years I have seen images and checked my groinal response, sometimes I can get really aroused and I feel disgusting. I love animals, I would never want to hurt them in anyway, I don’t know whether I just have a fixation on the idea of having sex that is intense - sort of like a ‘I need you now’ thing - as comes with the term ‘doggy style’ but then this just makes me think maybe it’s all rooted down to animals? I’m so honestly terrified I feel like the government will arrest me based on searches of laws and me trying to figure out if I’m attracted to animals going on forums etc. I once read an erotic literature page and it had a beastiality section, I looked at it and was repulsed but again my groinal response was different. I feel so guilty, but I can’t tell if this is my OCD or if I am actually attracted to animals. I would NEVER have sex with one, the idea repulses me, but somehow I can get aroused by the stories (not particularly the images) and I’m so stressed and upset I don’t know what to do I’m too scared to tell my therapist incase they lock me up for it and it hinders my future jobs :(

I noticed this chat and wanted to ask for help, when I was younger I would engage in weird stuff like dry humping my dog then in my twenties I remember vaguely letting my dog lick down there It has not left my mind since it popped up and I cant stopfeeling so ashamed or questioning why I thought this was a normal thing to do I keep trying to figure out exactly when it happened, like dates times and my mind just goes into over drive I'm so scared I'm a bad person or a criminal I dont do anything like this now

were you sexually abused as a child? I was, and in return it affected my sexuality my entire life. (including taking part in what you had mentioned) I don't believe you're 'attracted' to animals so much as your body remembers what happened, and responds according to that situation. Bodies and minds are difficult to understand..

Our bodies react to things that aren’t even sexual sometimes in a sexual way!! Try to remember that even if you’ve had an experience with an animal like that or if you have a physical response that it has nothing to do with what you actually feel. Sometimes our bodies respond to things in a way that feels sexual but remember that things like fear and other uncomfortable emotions can engage a sexual reaction, like how men can get erections from fear- doesn’t mean they are “turned on” by the situation, it’s just a physical response. Also everyone does weird sexual things as a kid too I try to remember that

@queenquinn thank you so much for your reassurance ❤️ but I still feel a bit like a freak, it’s so difficult having ocd you never know if you’re doubting yourself because of your illness of if that’s who you are.. but I needed to hear that (compulsions aside) I’ve never reached out to people who are going through similar things and this is the first time I’ve opened up

Yes exactly!! And so many obsessions can be taboo too so I feel like more of a freak from that too! I’m glad you chose to open up. Talking about it and reading online helped me the most to know people have the exact “crazy” thoughts and you’re not alone!!

I’m pretty sure I wasn’t, I can’t remember anything of the sort, I know that I was exposed to sexual encounters when I was younger as I had an older sister who told me about them, and I know obviously you have that thing with children your own age like you show me yours and I’ll show you mine but it’s like I can’t get it out of my head and I feel suffocated