Cisforcaro

Date posted: 2y

Day 15 of OCD spike...will this ever go away?

I still don't feel right. My OCD has morphed into obsessing about emotions. And I know I've been through this (with words, time, distance, seeing thoughts, inner voice) It's just so stupid. I once was freaking out about words. And how do we "imagine" stuff in our heads. Now it's about emotions. Like what are emotions and how do we have them and like how do we even know they are good or bad? Didn't we just make up the concept of good and bad? What if I forget the meanings and do bad things? What's the point? What's the purpose? And that makes me depressed and hopeless which makes the anxiety worse because then I'm worried about self harm. Im supposed to say "there is no answer to this" but it still won't go away And I know they fade. But it is taking so long to fade. And I've already upped my Zoloft in the last 6 months and I'm taking it correctly. It doesn't make sense.

thrutheweather

Date posted: 2y

I have the same thing :( I’ve never seen anybody else practically describe it to a T… I feel so hyper aware and analytical, it’s like my mind can’t rest. I need to know the who, what, where, why’s and how’s of how I think, speak, emotions, brain processes. I can’t offer any advice but you’re not alone x

Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@thrutheweather SAME OMG , we all need to form a little talk space about this topic because I feel like it’s rare and it’s nice to be able to relate to you all on this thread. It’s a rough one and not many people truly understand it. I would like to know what triggered everyone’s theme, etc.

Brian :)

Date posted: 2y

I’m on my second week of relapse as well:( most my days i have been ruminating and just feeling unmotivated sometimes . I can tolerate the feeling it has felt and it doesn’t make me as anxious, although it’s still discomforting not being able to feel the same.

joshuap

Date posted: 2y

Yeah, I feel the same way. I am always asking myself questions I can't really answer and then get really anxious and ruminate about those questions all the time. I am trying to learn to just accept that I don't know the answer to a lot of stuff, but I can still live my life.

Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@joshuap SO me. Everything that doesn’t have an answer just concerns me and worries me and I get even more frustrated that my brain does this now. Why can’t I go back to being “normal” like everyone else, the way I used to be? I over analyze everything way way too much.

Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Me and you are in the same boat girl! I hate when the thought start to turn into “what is even the point?” It really sucks! I’ve been soooo focused on why things are the way they are today too. Like why we think and react the way we do, why our brains operate the way they do when this or that happens and it’s so predictable etc etc. it makes me feel so alone and I’m wondering like “how can no one else be worrying about this or even noticing these things the way I do?” I just want the old me back!

Cisforcaro

Date posted: 2y

I didn't get to ask in our previous comments, but are you in therapy?

Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Cisforcaro I was doing ERP twice a week for 6 weeks. I was feeling better for a bit so I stopped. I’m not seeing a therapist outside of OCD.

Cisforcaro

Date posted: 2y

@Taylor10 I just saw a therapist on Monday, but she wasn't sure we would be a good fit because while she had worked with people with OCD, she wasn't sure she could offer what I needed.

Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Cisforcaro Yeah I feel like going trough NOCD or someone who you know specializes in ERP is the only way to go. Some therapists will list “obsessive compulsive disorder” under their experience but they’re not even qualified to do ERP. I do need to see someone for trauma therapy specifically. It’s been a challenge finding someone for that.

thrutheweather

Date posted: 2y

@Taylor10 Sounds crazy but never completely stop therapy just because you feel better. Reduce the amount of sessions if it’s something you can afford and it fits the therapists schedule!

Anonymous

Date posted: 15w

Feel lost and without hope

I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.

nae nae

Date posted: 14w

Mini vent (sorta)!

I'm struggling with a lot of doubts today, but trying the best I can to keep on living my life 🥲 I'm on 150mg of Sertraline right now, and honestly, I'm feeling a lot better than before. Do I still get triggered? Yes! But I'm handling it easier. The only issue is, I feel like I'm obsessing over recovering? Not if I'm doing it "right," but more so getting to a point where I feel "perfect." That's not possible, I know. Even before OCD spiraled out of control, I struggled with other issues on a daily basis. But life felt simpler back then, and I didn't have this magical (and annoying) ability to remember every single bad thing that's ever happened to me or every single intrusive thought I've ever had in extreme detail 😭 Whenever I'm feeling okay, I can not help but think, "Remember how bad it was (insert time-frame)?" And then my mind zip zaps through every instance I've ever felt anxiety, like...? I don't even know if it's me doing this or if its OCD, but it frustrates me so, so much when it happens. Anyway, that's all for now... If anyone can relate, we're in this together 🤍 Hang in there!

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 13w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

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Day 15 of OCD spike...will this ever go away?

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