- Date posted
- 2y
Feeling too okay?
So yesterday i went the whole day without posting on here. That is my biggest compulsion so i am super proud to have not done it. I went through it all yesterday and it was TOUGH. I had my regular harmful intrusive thoughts since i woke up, they ranged from images to questions to statements. I questioned who i was a million and one times and i kept repeatedly saying in my head what i value and then i kept telling myself that i was strong and can power through this. Today i feel okay, maybe too okay because it’s kind of scaring me. Earlier i seen a picture of Jeffery Dahmer (all of my intrusive thoughts/images revolve around him) on Facebook and it hardly bothered me. Like my mind actually said see that wasn’t so bad. And i felt okay. But then all of a sudden my mind went “what he DID wasn’t so bad” and now I’m freaking out because now I’m scared that I’m going to be like him because my mind told me that he wasn’t a bad person. When i obviously know that he was. And i feel nothing. Like i keep telling myself that i feel guilty for thinking these thoughts but i don’t feel guilty. I feel no anxiety towards a statement that was so extreme. And it’s scaring me. Like i feel good today. I had that one intrusive thought earlier and have felt okay the rest of my day. Now I’m scared that I like him as opposed to avoiding him at all costs because of what my mind said earlier. Can anyone relate? I’m nervous/scared even though i don’t feel any emotion at all :/