Heyhowareya
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Partner has ROCD
My boyfriend has ROCD and it can get tough or discouraging at times but I’m in it for the long haul. Does anyone have any affirmations that help them?
LucyALucyA
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Ask him what his thoughts are telling him, and treat them w caution- like u would if a child was telling u ab their nightmares, you’d be calm, kind& considerate. Stay like that and work through his thoughts w him, he might get overwhelmed or upset w himself but just stay calm and do ur best, that’s all u can do, it’s so lovely ur educating yourself- he’s v lucky to have u :)& also remember his thoughts and him are 2 different things, he would love u w all his heart and still have these thoughts, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love u tho, I wish u both luck xx
HeyhowareyaHeyhowareya
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Thank you these comments are very helpful I appreciate you taking the time type this out!
0cdssucks0cdssucks
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Do you have ROCD? aswell or are you trying to educate yourself?
HeyhowareyaHeyhowareya
- Date posted
- 2y ago
I don’t I’m educating myself
0cdssucks0cdssucks
- Date posted
- 2y ago
@Heyhowareya Personally i have ROCD, It’s honestly torture.. i’m not your boyfriend so i’m not sure how it’s like for him but i know personally i fear the abandonment, I fear that I don’t do enough for them, i shame myself over mini mistakes that someone who does have it, i find myself over explaining my feelings so they could understand, if i don’t over explain i’ll completely over think anything until someone else brings it up, constant reassurance is helpful but not good if he wants to get better. Do small actions to make him feel cared about because ROCD really mushes reality to false reality. He can be looping and scared that he will loose you for hours then question if he loves you- then he will feel so guilty for every thinking he doesn’t love you so he try’s to make it up by trying to relief the Ocd by impulsively trying to make things right to you telling you perhaps just so he can feel better which could offend you. BEST thing to do is reassure by actions just say “everything is going to be okay” i been with my boyfriend he doesn’t have ROCD he also knows my ocd is very very difficult for me so he just tells me that everything is going to be OK nothing more than that and he hugs me and then he kisses me and then he just reminds me that everything’s gonna be OK and that my thoughts and worries aren’t reality and the reality is that he’s here and i don’t need to worry about the What ifs
JB1020JB1020
- Date posted
- 2y ago
From the tone of your post I deduce he has the "avoidance" type of ROCD - i.e. he questions *his* love/attachment/behavior and not so much yours. I think you want to get to a place where you are sure not to give reassurance (unless he is really spiraling and in bad shape) and encourage him to tolerate the anxiety/uncertainty without resorting to compulsions. The key is really being able to sit with and habituate to the intrusive thoughts. Things that help me: "A thought is just a thought." "You are not always your thoughts." "You can tolerate intrusive thoughts". "You can tolerate uncertainty". "Love is action not feelings". "Love is action not thoughts." "You don't need 100% certainty to act in life." For your own psyche - it helps to view it as an unhelpful pattern of thinking that can attach itself to basically anything. It's not about you. Many of us have had many different obsessive-compulsive themes. It's about fundamentally being able to face fears and tolerate anxiety without resorting to compulsions. I have/had attachment ROCD - lived together, got married recently, going to start a family. Keep your chin up!
JB1020JB1020
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Meant to say I have/had *avoidance* ROCD.
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- Date posted
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Is telling myself "it's just ocd" a compulsion?
When I was a child, before I knew this was OCD, I struggled with constant "magical thinking" compulsions (don't step on the crack or mom's back will actually break, etc). When I later learned this was OCD, it almost immediately solved it. Any time I got a magical thought, I would say to myself "that's just an OCD thought. ignore it." and it just stopped coming! Like seriously it fixed the magical thinking stuff forever. But of course the OCD has resurfaced in other ways. So naturally, I've tried to use the same strategy since I had so much success with it previously. But I wonder sometimes if telling myself "that's just OCD" is almost functioning as a reassurance compulsion? I hate how meta this gets. For example, I have ROCD that comes and goes. So sometimes I'll get a thought like "what if i'm still in love with my ex?" and then I'll tell myself "that's obviously just an ROCD thought" and will feel relief, almost like reassurance. But it comes back. So is telling myself that it's OCD a reassurance compulsion ?? It's just so weird because it worked so perfectly as a kid with the magical thinking thing.
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