How do you keep going when your absolutely destroyed inside? I try to motivate others on here and right now I can’t seem to have any positive thoughts for myself. I feel like I’m just in the way of my partners life and he’d be better off without me…
I am so, so sorry you’re struggling. When I think of those moments like you describe (and there have been many) I have been most successful when I’ve allowed those bad feelings to be there, while I moved forward with something I value. Last week I was really struggling, I was away on business and didn’t know how I was going to get through the trip. I did it one minute at a time. I would ask myself what did I need to do for work that day and I did it. It was very difficult, there were lots of tears, lots of intrusive thoughts about the content of my ocd themes, but I allowed the thoughts to be there, I didn’t try to figure it out, I just paid attention to what I was doing and kept moving forward
@VGH That’s all we can do, move foward! Thank you for sharing your experience:)
@VGH I can commiserate so much. I was on a work trip as well and plagued nonstop by sticky thoughts and obsessions. The guilt would increase SO much I’d have to confess or ask for reassurance from my best friend and I don’t want to ruin that relationship either. Ugh!!! Even this past week I’ve been going over and over again on something and I try to push it out and it’ll resurface and I’ll feel physically sick. Hang in there.
Sorry I sent that before I was finished. Anyway, each day it got a little easier. Try to focus on some concrete thing you can do now, in this moment that takes the focus off of your theme. Good luck, you are not alone, this is hard work, but it does get better.
@VGH I thought I was doing better but of course we have those days:/
I'm sorry you're experiencing this and I feel you. When everything is lost and I feel completely destroyed, I try to remember things and people I love or I loved and very happy moments I had. In the name of the part of my life without OCD, I try to fight for living the life I deserve. I hope that was useful for you and I hope you'll feel better. Remember you're so strong and extraordinary and none is like you. I hug you, don't give up! 💪❤️
@Lillip Thank you this is why I’m so thankful for this app and the lovely people I get to talk to❤️
You know, I just realized when you said “of course we have those days” you’re right, some days there are more sticky thoughts or they seem to be worse. I always am so surprised by a difficult day or days and it takes me longer to start using my tools or even if I use them right away, it’s just so upsetting- all the uncertainty, anxiety etc. perhaps an attitude of “of course we have those days” will help😀. Thanks for sharing!
tw . . . . . . I don't want to trigger anyone, so please be warned before reading. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I don't know if I deserve... anything. I've had two therapists now tell me I'm normal and I don't need to worry so much, but I find it hard to believe them. Just when I think I'm doing okay, thoughts flood back in. I feel like the world is better off without me in it and that others would agree if they weren't a paid therapist there to give me reassurance. I'm tempted to break up with my boyfriend because he doesn't deserve this. I want to pretend I'm okay for the sake of my parents. But if they passed away, I'm not sure I'd have much strength to live for myself. This feeling is pretty bad right now. Overwhelming. I have absolutely no love for myself. I can't even distract myself by watching TV or shows I love, because all I can think is, "Look at those people. They deserve to live and be happy, and I'm not one of them." Gah, this is bad. I'm an adult, and I feel like such a baby for feeling this way. How dramatic am I? How can other people have similar (if not worse) thoughts than me, and then still be ok with themselves? I miss the person I used to be. I miss feeling okay. I feel ok momentarily, but then it all comes crashing down. I can't stand it. All I want is for things to go back to how they used to be.
I’m struggling so much, I don’t know what’s changed. I was doing so well for a solid two months and now it’s been over a month of just my lowest point. My bf has gotten upset at how much I do compulsions and it’s taxing him too. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be my partner right now. I feel exhausted I’m tired of my OCD finding new things to obsess or worry over. I’m so TIRED of getting stuck on technicalities. I’m so exhausted with the constant intrusive thoughts and intrusive thinking. I’m so sick of how compulsive I get when I’m so riddled with anxiety. I don’t want to keep pushing. It feels pointless if my life is going to be a constant loop of ups and extreme lows. I feel like such a disgusting, embarrassing person. I don’t want love because I don’t feel like I deserve it. I don’t want patience or understanding because it makes me feel so guilty. Like no one is understanding how bad of person I could truly be. I’m so lost and tired of this
I want to get thought this weird horrible period, it has been horrible. I am doubting everything. I’m not diagnosed but when I look at my past I’ve always been horribly anxious and worrying about health, death and basically everything while suffering from major a lot of insecurities stemming from bullying and lately a lack of intimacy with my partner, Every time I think I’m on the way out, or see some light at the end of the tunnel my mind always pulls me back in. It’s torture. I’ve always been insecure about how I look and I find myself comparing myself at other males and it’s made my self esteem on the floor. I have a girlfriend and prior to this we had a future planned and talked about kids (we’re still young, but it felt so real), this all began to bubble when we stopped being intimate and the loss of my job. I don’t know anymore how to move on, every day feels like a chore. The intrusive thoughts telling me I’m in denial, constantly thinking about men I’ve felt insecure about their looks compared to mine wishing I looked like them plaguing my mind. The false attractions, prior to this i was comfortable in acknowledging good looking men. However now my mind takes this as evidence, every single thing in my past seems like some form of evidence. Not having male friends, the comparisons, being questioned about my sexuality from siblings. I’m sorry if this is reassurance, I am just needing to get some things of my chest. Every time I think about my first real attraction or girls I found pretty/attractive or I liked my mind is like your in denial and then I feel horrible about thinking those thoughts as I have my girlfriend. I miss just being with my girlfriend and not having these thoughts and feeling horrible. I feel like a fraud and a horrible partner. I’ve tried to accept maybe, maybe not, but something always comes back. These 4 months have been terrible. I want to sleep without horrible dreams, I want to eat. I want to feel like myself again. Thank you to anyone who reads this. Hope you’re strong too.
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