So, I anticipate my anxiety/intrusive thoughts. They tell me “you think about your ex, there has to be a reason for it.” And it really flip flops my stomach. I feel sick, sad, and guilty. The reality of the matter is that I don’t actually have thoughts about my ex, directly. I don’t long for her or think about her in that way. I have intrusive thoughts that just say, “You’re not over her, or you miss her.” And those thoughts bring me immense anxiety. I really don’t know how to get past this. I tried ERP but quite honestly, it scares me. I literally anticipate this though. I go to bed thinking, “I’m going to have anxiety over this when I wake up.” Our whole ride back from NY last night, I was having bad anxiety over it. My wife talked me through it and was extremely helpful. Unfortunately we were both exhausted and didn’t go to sleep until almost 3 in the morning. I had a dream about my ex last night, and in the dream it felt as if I cared for her. And I woke up this morning so extremely anxious, upset, and guilty. I gotta figure out a way to calm down, I just want to enjoy my life. I am so scared that I’m going to ruin something so important to me.

That even helped me! So are you saying the thought of not being over your ex is not true? Just an obsession because you're scared of losing your partner now

This happens to me, yet it my case my ex was manipulative, pointed out my insecurities, and just overall mistreated me. Was your ex perfect? Probably not. Yet it ended for some reason. Do you miss any factors about your previous relationship?

My ex is my daughters mother. We had plans for the future and things didn’t work out. I had a hard time accepting that but eventually came to accept and embrace it. I had always had very deep feelings towards my wife, we fell for eachother ten years ago, and managed to find eachother again ten years later! I’m so happy with her. My obsessions started with guilt about my past, along with violent intrusive thoughts, and worries that my thoughts/past would be too much. Once she put all of those worries to rest the worry that maybe I’m not over an ex came up. It seems I always obsess over something, because I’m afraid of losing this perfect person in my life.

I’m over my ex, and while she and I share a very special connection (Our daughter) I know that splitting up was right. My past relationship, I was cheated on, I developed a huge alcohol issue (almost a year and a half sober!) and I took the break up really hard. Once I got sober it took some time to acknowledge what had happened and I had to come to terms with it as a sober person. My (now) wife stepped in as I was finally accepting that I was free to work on myself and not hold on to the past. And now, just like the other obsessions (guilt over my past thoughts and actions) I’m obsessed that I could somehow ruin this marriage and lose the girl I love, by magically realizing I’m not over my ex.

Congrats on being sober!! That's so hard :(

I was in a coma for four days and in the hospital for nearly a month. I didn’t choose sobriety, my body told me it was time, and I listened.