I had 3 people ask me today if I’m a lesbian. Started the day feeling no anxiety to my thoughts. When I got told that I looked like a lesbian I panicked. I then got a groinal to a girl vaping. I then got shown a nude of a girl and had a groinal. Then spoke to my college counsellor and she recognised an ocd cycle in my life. How can this not be real. I don’t want it to be. But it seems to be no?
Ur gonna be ok. I use to struggle like hell with HOCD all throughout high school & college a few years ago. People would literally ask me if i like girls - maybe my severe fear and distance i put between girls and I was obvious, so people thought I was low key crushing. Caused my ocd and anxiety to skyrocket. 3 years later, I can say with confidence I was never a lesbian, but my ocd convinced me I was
@Anonymous I feel like I’m too young to have hocd. I’m 16 and people just think I’m questioning
@Myheadhurts35 Well ur not. HOCD was a big theme for me from age 14-19 Now that I’m 21 and I’ve done a lot of recovery work I see this now
@Anonymous Omg. What was hocd like for you? What sort of thoughts did you have ?
@Myheadhurts35 Everything imaginable lmao. I distanced myself from my best friend because I had a really intense visual thought that we were having sex. I could not sit next to ANY girl at school bcuz I had intense anxiety for 8 hours every single day! I could not look at any girl int he eh for too long or my Brian convinced me I had a crush on them and they had a crush on me. I became very isolated in HS because I feared talking to girls. I constantly felt stimulated looking at girls or on tv, and having thoughts about sex with them, and getting butterfly/crush feelings, I constantly had groinal responses sitting next to them which just became painful. I actually surgically lost my right ovary/fallopian tube, because I grew a huge cyst and because the sensations matched the groinal response I could not tell the difference, and who knows maybe my hormones going all over the place caused it. Needless to say, I’ve been through absolute trauma and HELL
@Anonymous I’m so sorry. Can I ask. Does hocd feel like a fear of being gay but it’s so much more than that ..?
@Myheadhurts35 Yeah. And I can tell that ur ocd composing by asking me these questions and trying to figure out if u are really experiencing OCD by matching it up to my experiences. Its ok, I just want you to realize that u are compulsing right now. And the way to stop ocd, is to stop the compulsions, not the thoughts. But to answer ur question: Yes, HOCD in my experience felt like intense severe fear but also half-certainty that I was gay
@Anonymous Wow you caught me haha. I’ve not been able to get diagnosed because of my age. So I have endless “it can’t be ocd. It’s real” thoughts. It’s utter hell
@Myheadhurts35 Idk u so obviously I can’t diagnose, but a neurotypical person does not experience this much obsession/anxiety about their sexuality. U sound exactly like me when I was younger, so I’m like almost certain u are experiencing OCD. Do you experience any other OCD themes? Also, u need to speak to an ocd specialist not some regular therapist. Girllll trust me, in college I went to a regular therapist and they thought I was gay lol, but then a NOCD therapist actually was like nah girl u def have ocd and I’m like aha I knew it
@Anonymous Yeah I think I’ve had other themes. Like believing the police were after me for r@ping someone when I absolutely didn’t. I’ve had eating disorders which apparently are forms of ocd. And I believe when I was in a relationship I had ROCD because I needed constant reassurance that he loved me. If I didn’t get it I would break down.
@Myheadhurts35 Yeah girl seek out help now. I wish i did when I was 14 but didn’t until I was 19/20, and because I waited so long i developed so many other ocd themes and just went thru so much unecessary tourture that could have been prevented if I stopped it early on it’s tracks. Yeah also apart of HOCD like multiple times a week I was convinced I r*apedd someone or they raped me😕
@Anonymous That’s me !!
@Myheadhurts35 But if u don’t have the money or ability to get professional help I would advise doing what you can on your own. Like study mindfulness on YouTube. My favorite Ocd helper on YouTube is “Mark Freeman OCD) and “Eckart Tolle” (he mainly talks about mindfulness) They helped me more than anything
Keep your head up. You are not what the OCD is making you think you are.
@Chrysostomos How do I know if it is hocd and not real tho ..?
@Myheadhurts35 You don't know 😉 but you knoooow. You got this! We can all tell you it's OCD but until you believe it/put in the work it won't matter. Check out OCD and Anxiety on YouTube- he has video about HOCD.
@rmsh231 I watch him ALL THE TIME. He’s so good at explaining it. I know I’ll never know or believe it but I do feel a relief when I know that this is ocd and not something I actually want if that makes sense
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
I don’t know if it’s SOOCD. I no longer feel anxious in the moment when I think about women, and it’s like my imagination wants me to think about it and get aroused. I don’t want to be gay, but maybe I am after all. In my life I haven’t been so sexually driven before (when I was living with a man, or when being single) but now all I can think about is having sex with a woman. I don’t want to, but somehow my body does and it feels like my mind have changed to accept it to.. feel so sad This all started around 4 weeks ago..
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
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