HOCD is telling me I have to be gay. I don’t want to be. I have always loved men. Every Disney show growing up I would develop a crush on a boy (zoey 101 it was logan, Hannah Montana it was jake etc.). No part of me has any desire to be gay. I hate this.

Whenever I try to distract myself my mind says “you’re just denying it that’s why you don’t wanna think about it”

Exaccccctly! it’s like why am I now suddenly questioning so much? What caused this!? I never had to check so much and now that I am I can’t stop but I know that exposing myself and going through the tough parts are what’s gonna get me through this. Even right now just typing makes me feel like I’m denying it and it’s giving me anxiety, I hate it

Same. It’s like before and sometimes even with HOCD whenever I’d go out I was always looking for boys, wanting their attention, wanting them to notice me and fantasizing about them but now with HOCD it’s like I question everything. All the stress lowers my libido so I mostly don’t feel anything anymore which scares me even more.

yes, things are pretty clear right now so I know what I feel isn’t true and what I want but there are still little thoughts and anxiety that linger in the back of my mind but whenever they start to get loud I try to refocus my attention on something that doesn’t involve relationships or sexuality

BUT IN FRICKEN REALITY I NEVER HAD TO THINK ABOUT MY ATTRACTION TO BOYS I JUST WAS ATTRACTED TO THEM

I also now have a hard time seeing the future. It used to be crystal clear to me what I wanted, now it’s not so much.

YES MAAM! I find it also sticks on people, like I’ll be like omg she’s so pretty and then my mind will think I think she’s attractive! Then the next time I see them I will panic like wtf is this you guys

Do you guys have moments of clarity?

I just took a shower with my boyfriend and feel kinda better

Same same same but then I remind myself that if it was denial, why would I feel so much and question so much and ruminate and check so much. The denial thoughts are always there but I try to overpower them by thinking about something I know to be true which is my attraction and want towards men