- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Whenever I try to distract myself my mind says “you’re just denying it that’s why you don’t wanna think about it”
- Date posted
- 6y
Exaccccctly! it’s like why am I now suddenly questioning so much? What caused this!? I never had to check so much and now that I am I can’t stop but I know that exposing myself and going through the tough parts are what’s gonna get me through this. Even right now just typing makes me feel like I’m denying it and it’s giving me anxiety, I hate it
- Date posted
- 6y
Same. It’s like before and sometimes even with HOCD whenever I’d go out I was always looking for boys, wanting their attention, wanting them to notice me and fantasizing about them but now with HOCD it’s like I question everything. All the stress lowers my libido so I mostly don’t feel anything anymore which scares me even more.
- Date posted
- 6y
yes, things are pretty clear right now so I know what I feel isn’t true and what I want but there are still little thoughts and anxiety that linger in the back of my mind but whenever they start to get loud I try to refocus my attention on something that doesn’t involve relationships or sexuality
- Date posted
- 6y
BUT IN FRICKEN REALITY I NEVER HAD TO THINK ABOUT MY ATTRACTION TO BOYS I JUST WAS ATTRACTED TO THEM
- Date posted
- 6y
I also now have a hard time seeing the future. It used to be crystal clear to me what I wanted, now it’s not so much.
- Date posted
- 6y
YES MAAM! I find it also sticks on people, like I’ll be like omg she’s so pretty and then my mind will think I think she’s attractive! Then the next time I see them I will panic like wtf is this you guys
- Date posted
- 6y
Do you guys have moments of clarity?
- Date posted
- 6y
I just took a shower with my boyfriend and feel kinda better
- Date posted
- 6y
Same same same but then I remind myself that if it was denial, why would I feel so much and question so much and ruminate and check so much. The denial thoughts are always there but I try to overpower them by thinking about something I know to be true which is my attraction and want towards men
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
So I’ve talked to a couple of gay people and they all told me the same thing. They ALWAYS knew they liked guys and they have ever gotten aroused by a woman in their life. In fact they told me that they always found a woman’s body disgusting. Looking back in my life I’ve been attracted to girls for as long as I can remember even before puberty. All my fantasies were about girls and I can’t remember a time where I felt the same for a guy (because it never happened). At the end I can still get aroused by women and you can clearly see how much stupid this obsession about being gay is. Gay people can’t get instinctively aroused by a woman and like it. Groinal responses and sensations don’t mean anything because they simply do not bring joy or a feeling of desire. Instead they bring panic. I once got a groinal when “testing my reactions” and I was sitting there crying like my life is over. That’s not how genuine attraction works and no one has woken up one day feeling different and no one has been secretly gay and never noticed it and spent his whole life into women instead.
- Date posted
- 23w
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
- Date posted
- 22w
Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
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