Slight relapse today

Im struggling with false memory pocd sexual what if thoughts. I discussed it with three therapists. Did CBT and ERP. Ive been free of this intrusive thoughts for 11 months and now its back and i feel like at square onewith doubt. Redoubting things ive already did therapy on and disproved. I felt inner peace and fine for almost a year and now back to feeling stuck ruminating questioning whats real memory and whats false memory even though deep down i kmkw its false memory i have evidence against the thoughts and its so ego dystonic theres no proof as my therapist said.

Last week was a lot easier for me. I felt like thoughts didn’t control me and my actions as much as they did earlier. Today was really hard for me and I feel like I’m starting to lose hope again:( I can’t take the thoughts and the feelings that come with them anymore. I feel like I have failed and I’m never going to be happy again.

Today I had a big learning moment. My ocd had been getting better these past few weeks and things have been looking up but today i was struggling. I stayed in bed all day super bored and my ocd flared up really bad. Looking back at my day now i feel bad how I handled certain situations.. im just going to look at it as a learning moment and handle bad days differently. Everyday can't be great, I have lots of things im looking forwards to and i know tomorrow will be better. Recovery isn't a straight line