Relapse longer

Hi, last year I had a trigger with my little cousin that made me spiral. Then that thought lead to another and lead to another thought and another one and so on and I've been feeling stuck (with ups and downs) over a year now. I hit rock bottom in July/August and that lead me to going to the psychiatrist. I am taking meds now, but I still feel bad. It doesn't take as much time of my life anymore but it is constantly back there in my mind. It's the feeling that I'm ignoring and undoubtable truth that soonest or later will come out, or that rejecting, or that I'm resisting. That's why it's been impossible for me to do ERP, because I think it's going to make me want to touch myself and if I do I'll feel bad. And then it feels like I like the thoughts, not only physically (groinals) but mentally??? It's like a brain fog that I can't tag between pleasure or confusion. And that thought leads me to thinking about the alleged "non-offending" ps and if that could be me. And that thought leads me to think OH MY GOD I can't BELIEVE I am a girl in my twenties obsessing over this I can't believe this is my life.

I'm 20 weeks pregnant, have suffered with ocd since 16. Had a mental break down over a year ago. Here I am feeling like I am relapsing and the thoughts are out of control, and even worse now that I feel guilty I am causing my baby stress when it's not his fault.

Im struggling with false memory pocd sexual what if thoughts. I discussed it with three therapists. Did CBT and ERP. Ive been free of this intrusive thoughts for 11 months and now its back and i feel like at square onewith doubt. Redoubting things ive already did therapy on and disproved. I felt inner peace and fine for almost a year and now back to feeling stuck ruminating questioning whats real memory and whats false memory even though deep down i kmkw its false memory i have evidence against the thoughts and its so ego dystonic theres no proof as my therapist said.