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does anyone have any tips to help with hyper vigilance in a relationship? In my past relationship I got cheated on and it hurt me mentally, and now with my current partner I always have a constant fear that something bad is going to happen even though I trust him a bunch. Like if he brings up another girl and says oh she said this. And I get so triggered by it, how do I stop. Like I trust him 100% but my mind isn’t letting me, and I feel like I always start this and do this to myself. Or if it’s a girl from his past relationship and something gets brought up about it because of me, and he’s tells me it still makes me mad.

My bf swears he doesn’t notice other women, and that even before dating me, he was never the kind of person to look at women. I, however, have difficulty trusting him. OCD makes this a thousand times worse. Now I don’t ever notice him staring at other women or anything, but I see him look around sometimes especially when someone passes by or someone new shows up while we’re in a restaurant or something. He insists this is him noticing movement and also checking surroundings for safety reasons, but how can I be sure he’s not secretly catching a glance bc his “controlling” gf won’t let him. He insists, swears on his life, that he has no eyes for other women, but if I’m being honest guys, I don’t trust him. No matter how often he proves himself, I don’t trust him. I am often checking his eyes in public. It was worse back then, we have worked through this and I’m doing better now, but I always regress to old habits and old fears. I feel this will be the rest of my life, where I will never be able to fully trust a man. That OCD will always hold me back.

I apologize I post here a lot lol. I have a few questions/I want to vent about this. My therapist and I have identified one of the triggers I’ve been trying to work on, which is my fear of never being good enough; for myself, my family, my friends, for my romantic relationships, and just in general. Honestly, I hate myself so much. Not for any reason in particular, but I overanalyze everything I do and let it consume me. I know this is normal for most people, and everyone goes through bouts of self depreciation and lack of self love. I’m trying to give my love to myself that I’ve always given to other people and it’s so difficult. It’s really funny, I need male validation even though I feel like I can never trust a man ever again. I was broken up with at the beginning of April, and so you can imagine how my self worth really has been feeling. I’m aware my self worth isn’t based on other people’s perception of me, but I just want to be loved consistently through my ocd and adhd. It feels like it’s too much for people, while I simultaneously feel like I’m making this a massive deal. I don’t want to get into another relationship ever again, I just think I’m too weird for most men or they’ll take advantage of me for something again. I think if a man is nice to me, it means there’s an ulterior motive or a catch. There’s genuinely no way someone even cares as much about me as I do them, it’s always one sided. I love my friends, I’m taking about relationships wise. Not to mention, I hate the way I look and act. When I think I’m somewhat decent looking, there’s always a post to pop up with this stunningly beautiful girl. I can never catch up with modern beauty standards. I hate this so so so much. I hate feeling this way, how do I make this all stop?