Nervous about tomorrow

When I talk about how terrible I used to be to my girlfriend it makes me feel like I’m gonna do it again which I don’t wanna do and it scares me and then I get intrusive thoughts and feelings about it doing it but I don’t want to, weird I know.

My sister is going to a concert and coming back to the house where me and my family live. In my mind her clothes are extremely dirty. And I know her coming back is going to cause a lot of strong contamination thoughts to enter my head. I’m exhausted already from pushing myself and I can’t seem to focus on anything when these thoughts are really strong. I’m in college and this makes focusing on homework difficult. I failed an exam the other day bc I couldn’t stop thinking about what I need to clean and then cleaning. It’s really exhausting.

I got a therapist appointment in about a week and I'm scared I will get misunderstood, or I feel like Im not telling enough details, I'm scared that I have something else. This week alone was so draining