Feel free to vent

I had a big cry today! I'm expecting a baby and there's a lot of emotions going around :)

Sometimes it feels like I take one step forward and then two steps back. It gets really frustrating. These past 4 days have been a bit harder. But I still go about my day like nothing is bothering me even though I’m thinking a million thoughts at once. And sometimes it only takes one of those thoughts to hold me back again. I’m gonna still keep fighting but it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with in my life.

I feel like I’m walking on egg shells! Everything “seems” fine and like OCD is maybe on the way out, but I can’t help but feel like it’s on the back of my mind instead of on the top of it. And for some reason that uncertainty feels weird. Like I’m not sure if I gave in or not.

I’ve been somewhat ok. I’m not working right now, so don’t have to deal with severe levels of OCD. But I still have my times when out and about. Had ERP this morning. My insurance is over 11/30. So maybe MediCal will take me, but NOCD not covered. So at least I can use this app. and my therapist will hold a spot for me for 3 mos. in case I get another provider through Covered Cal. I’m in parking lot debating whether to get a coffee, which hypes me up and mimics my fight or flight. But they’re so darn good. 🌟

Landlord doubled my rent :/, like 99% certain he's trying to force me out. It's really unfortunate because I was just starting to get to some relative stability with my OCD.

I’m having a very hopeful couple of days…after a long stretch of very doom filled ones. You’re very kind for offering others to engage and vent. 💜

I’m really really struggling. I had a flashback to my childhood and I’m panicking because I can’t remember if I did or didn’t like the same gender. Part of me wants to say yes. Part wants to say no. I remember having crushes on boys but I’m scared I had them for girls and I can’t remember. This feels so so real. Like 99% real. I’m breaking down honestly