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does anyone have any tips to help with hyper vigilance in a relationship? In my past relationship I got cheated on and it hurt me mentally, and now with my current partner I always have a constant fear that something bad is going to happen even though I trust him a bunch. Like if he brings up another girl and says oh she said this. And I get so triggered by it, how do I stop. Like I trust him 100% but my mind isn’t letting me, and I feel like I always start this and do this to myself. Or if it’s a girl from his past relationship and something gets brought up about it because of me, and he’s tells me it still makes me mad.

I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?

Does anyone know how can you determine ROCD compulsive thoughts vs actual relationship issues necessary to bring up? I’ve been in multiple abusive relationships in the past and I don’t want to go through that again. I’ve been with my partner for 3 years, we’re both mentally ill and we’ve hurt each other a lot over the years. I have some trauma due to their alcoholism, but I want to still be there for her. However my head is constantly telling me that whenever they’re gone I’m worried they’re drinking and cheating, trying to harm themself, planning on harming me or they’re gonna die if im not basically with them 24/7. Even when I want time to myself I force myself to be with them sometimes out of fear. I see them do/say something that might suggest these things (following a new girl, ignoring my texts while they’re out, raising their voice at me etc.) and I’m even more convinced and I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know what is a suspicion I SHOULD bring up to them, and what is just a compulsive thought. :( How do I determine that?