I haven’t showered in three months. I haven’t eaten or drink anything in the past three days. I don’t left my room. Just to go to the bathroom, and every time I contaminated. The same way I have contaminated everything in my room. My psychologist abandoned me. My psychiatrist won’t see me until the next month. I stop taking my medication. They just didn’t help. I just gotten worse while taking them.
You’re reaching out to people because you want to be helped and heard. Clearly you need to find more people who will be in your corner including a professional who will help you and treat you with dignity. If someone abandons you when you need help that is a fault of theirs and not yours. I too struggle with contamination ocd and sometimes you just need to focus on what you need to feel like a person right now and focus less on what isn’t working. If you need to eat something, eat. If you need to sleep to get the courage to leave your room for something other than the bathroom, sleep. If you need to just change your shirt and go back to bed do it. Prioritize you and I hope you will be able to find your way out of this temporary hole. We all know the feeling and we’re here for you!
Is there anyone you could call?
Hi John I am so sorry you are struggling so much.
What do you think you need to be able to climb out? Is it an inpatient program, is it an intensive outpatient, can you obtain therapy through NOCD? Rock bottom is very scary, staying connected regularly to support can be incredibly helpful. Not all psychologist know yo to help everyone, it feels personal but it’s not, don’t let that discourage you. Try to love yourself, don’t let this disorder hurt you further, feeding ourself is love, find what’s easiest…you can do it. We can do hard things. Sending well wishes.
How are you? I really hope you’re not suffering anymore than you have been.
for the past four days, i haven’t been taking care of myself. i don’t sleep until 5, i wake up at 4 in the evening, i only have 1 meal a day, and i look ill. my room’s been a mess for a few months now so i’ve been sleeping in the guest room. my acne has worsened because i’ve been skipping my skincare routines and haven’t been showering. i feel so sad, i want to be productive and do something that makes me feel useful to others but i just can’t. sometimes i can’t even move. i just feel numb. sleeping has been the only way to really block out my thoughts. when i’m lucky i get good dreams and when i wake up sometimes i pretend those dreams actually happened. i feel like i have no one to talk to, no one really asks me how i’m doing anymore and i don’t blame them because we’re all going through something. but even my own parents don’t seem to bother about how i’m feeling. i just feel alone and i want to get through it but i’ve been too weak to. i don’t like this feeling
Just don't have it in me to go anywhere, it's been a week. I've gone out once to grocery shop because I had to. I can feel myself getting worse I think. I have been doing a lot of avoiding. I have been avoiding doing things all summer. I hit a wall last week, I had a really bad day and nothing triggered it, it was just a down day. I did a lot of reflecting and realized how okay I'm not. I'm not at my rock bottom, I've been there before. I'm functional for the most part but I'm not okay. Scheduled an appointment with a psychologist last week. It's on the 31st. I'm nervous but hopeful.
I feel like I’m completely going freaking psychotic. This is taking away my faith, which I thought was pretty strong. It tells me to not bother praying because God isn’t helping. It’s telling me that I am the worst person, worthy of death. That I deserve every bad thing that comes to me. And I believe that. I hate that I’m having these thoughts in my own mind. I hate that I feel this out of control. The medication isn’t helping. My head is always spinning. Nothing is helping because nothing lasts with this stupid disease. The good days don’t last. The efforts to work don’t last. I’m losing my mind and going insane. I don’t have access to a therapist. I don’t have resources here. I’m so irritated and scared that I could just give up. I literally don’t even know what to do with myself right now. I feel crazy and hopeless. I feel like I should turn myself in. And I mean every last word I’ve said. There’s no exaggeration.
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