When I hear my friends talking about “pulling a lot of girls” I get sad because as someone whose… a virgin… I’ve never really had a woman my age and above whose attracted to me for me… and no girl my age and above actually want to be with me…
Heyy. I notice you say ‘my age and above’ quite a bit. Just thought I’d let you know that we don’t assume anything otherwise. Please be careful that that’s not a compulsion. I also understand what you mean in the post. All the best
@Myheadhurts35 Sorry… it’s just that my POCD affects me a lot if I don’t put that on there… also I have a really bad HOCD event that just really triggered me too
@Givenup I understand. It’s okay I was just letting you know that we don’t think your a p word at all! 🤍
@Myheadhurts35 You’ve seen my POCD and real events OCD story right?
@Givenup I’m not sure. I think I saw the hocd one…
@Myheadhurts35 It was the really long one
@Givenup Are you able to send it here and I’ll have a read ?
@Myheadhurts35 It’s very long
@Givenup That’s fine. Honestly I’ll read it
@Myheadhurts35 What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭 It’s making me feel like I know I’m a P or a chomo when I don't ever want to ever be those things… I perform avoidance compulsions all the time and I don’t want to be anywhere around kids… even accidentally standing next to one makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and anxious… it’s making me feel like that I know I’m what my POCD and real events OCD are telling me even when a former ocd psychiatrist has told me that the real events don’t make me a P or a chomo… In addition it’s making me feel like I’m what my ocd tells me that I am… I didn’t know how horrible the real events were at the time when I was 13… I really didn’t… my POCD and real events OCD keeps calling me a P and a Chomo for what happened when I was 13 when I didn’t know what any of that stuff was… I truly didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… It’s making me think I am a rapist because of the real events too… my POCD just keeps telling me that I’m a P or a chomo or in worst case a child r*pist when I don’t ever want to ever be those things in any way 😭😭😭 it’s giving me intrusive thoughts about more details of the real events and this feeling in my head that hurts… I don’t ever want to ever be a p or a chomo in any way… I don’t ever want to harm anyone, especially children… I don’t ever want to ever be anything my intrusive thoughts tell me I am…
@Myheadhurts35 Sent it
@Givenup I’ve given this a read and your repeating the same thing. I understand about real events I really do. Trust me I obsessed about an event for 8 years. I completely understand. Brutally the truth is it happened and you can’t change it. But what you can control and change is the present and you can prevent it from happening in the future. You really need to try and accept that whatever happened, happened. I promise you no matter how much you worry about it, you can’t change it. I understand that you feel the real events have made you into something and I get that too. It’s all part of ocd I promise. It’s going to be okay
@Myheadhurts35 My mom and this former ocd therapist have both told me that I was a child and that “Thirteen-year-old children do not have an adult's sexual understanding or responsibility. So, you can see why you didn't realise the horribleness of an event until you matured. So now, in the present, you know yourself to be a good moral person. It allows you to let go of the past.” But idk if this is true or not…
@Givenup That is 100% true. Because if you knew it was bad, you wouldn’t of done it. Hypothetically, if you knew that event would make you feel how you do now, would you change it ? (Most likely yes) that’s how you know that you didn’t know it was wrong then. I remember speaking to someone about my event because I was scared I was going to be arrested. They told me that because I was under the age of 16, I was too young to give consent. Therefore I was not in the wrong. They said that your brain isn’t properly trained to understand what’s wrong untill your about 16. Please be a little easier on yourself. It’s just ocd
@Givenup stay strong!! Pray to God to send you the right one! He has a plan for your life! Jeremiah 29:11 and he knows what he's doing. Hang in there!
@Janell🌺 I was watching a funny video with a couple of guys acting in it. I was fantasizing in my head about girls I like saying the lines in the video. (Tifa and aerith from final fantasy) and my HOCD keeps making me think I'm attracted to the dudes when l'm fantasizing about women... so I stopped... shortly then I started getting intrusive feelings in my stomach.. i was fantasizing about the women so maybe that's it... but I hope it's not feelings for dudes...
Also I read on tik tok or twitter that if u still feel connected to younger people that means you’re not progressing or maturing and that’s bad. I’m 25 and I’m at this odd stage in my life where I’m getting older but still feel like I’m 20-22. I feel like I’m behind people that are my age. I think it’s because I’m been bed rotting with severe depression for the past 4 years… but I’m scared this means I’m becoming a pedo in the future.
I’m a 23 y/o female who has recently entered a phase of obsessive thoughts of mistakes I’ve made, ranging from events that happened over a decade ago when and I was a kid up to things that happened recently. I feel so much debilitating guilt I can’t do anything or function. I especially feel bad for this one instance. I have always had extremely low self esteem, and I often seek attention and validation especially from men. I like being liked. I find myself trying to act or look cute, or even act somewhat like a pick-me, so that I feel liked. I feel like I may even do this with girls too, but especially guys. I just really like attention, and I’ve been in a stagnant 6 year relationship where I don’t really feel desirable, and I’m very lonely. A few months ago I started playing a game where I met a large group of people and we would all play together everyday. One of the people in particular was a 15/16 year old guy who flirted with me a lot, and I kept my distance because he was so young, and I felt kinda weird talking to someone younger than me, but we would still talk sometimes because we were apart of the same discord group, and I have a problem being stern and confrontational so I didn’t want to be mean or make things awkward in the friend group. Although it made me uncomfortable that he was so young and that I’m nearly a whole decade older than him, and I did make it clear that I was dating someone and I was way too old for him and I would tell him to stop, I wasn’t very stern and I was very lighthearted about it and I even found myself liking the attention I got from him. I was flattered. I liked that he liked me so much even though I knew he was a teenager and I feel like I was maybe even seeking attention from him like I did with the other guys in the group. And when I say seeking attention, I mean that I was acting cute so that I was liked and got attention. Is that considered flirting? Was I flirting with him? Does this make me disgusting? That I liked the attention I got even though he was teenager? That I acted cute around him as well as all the other guys so that he would like me? I feel disgusted with myself. Does this make me a predator? Doesn’t this make me disgusting that I liked attention I got from a teenager? To be fair, I like the attention I get from any guy. I just like feeling liked. But I feel like it makes me disgusting that even though I knew he was a teenager I still liked and was flattered by the attention and was possibly even seeking it out from him. My head is all messed up. I really feel like I’m having an identity crisis. I feel disgusted with myself to the point that I’m nauseous. I’m so ashamed. I’ve been crying nonstop for days on end and I feel truly hopeless. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life with this shame and that I’m convinced that makes me a predator or a sick person. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things or not. I just really need some relief because I feel like I’m losing my mind, but I want someone to be honest with me about my actions.
Why are things so real the first time they’re in my mind and then when I think about it later it’s easier for me to be like wtf?? I was watching a movie earlier and the young girl had developed more in the chest area than the last movie and I felt the desire to check her out so I did. Then later I let myself imagine her having sex and I liked it. But now looking back I’m like ew. The boys in the movie have also developed as the movie went on and I couldn’t help but think that in their real life they’ve probably woken up to boners and s*men and stuff. And looking back it’s just ugh. Idk if it’s sexual relevance but I genuinely let myself indulge in these thoughts and groinal responses and I remember thinking to myself I don’t want to be attracted to little kids and how do I stop myself (everyone has attractive qualities so in younger boys I see man like qualities). Idk I need help. I wouldn’t type this out if I truly believe I was messed up but I’m still scared
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