No gf…

@Myheadhurts35 Sorry… it’s just that my POCD affects me a lot if I don’t put that on there… also I have a really bad HOCD event that just really triggered me too

@Givenup I understand. It’s okay I was just letting you know that we don’t think your a p word at all! 🤍

@Myheadhurts35 You’ve seen my POCD and real events OCD story right?

@Givenup I’m not sure. I think I saw the hocd one…

@Myheadhurts35 It was the really long one

@Givenup Are you able to send it here and I’ll have a read ?

@Myheadhurts35 It’s very long

@Givenup That’s fine. Honestly I’ll read it

@Myheadhurts35 What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭  It’s making me feel like I know I’m a P or a chomo when I don't ever want to ever be those things… I perform avoidance compulsions all the time and I don’t want to be anywhere around kids… even accidentally standing next to one makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and anxious… it’s making me feel like that I know I’m what my POCD and real events OCD are telling me even when a former ocd psychiatrist has told me that the real events don’t make me a P or a chomo… In addition it’s making me feel like I’m what my ocd tells me that I am… I didn’t know how horrible the real events were at the time when I was 13… I really didn’t… my POCD and real events OCD keeps calling me a P and a Chomo for what happened when I was 13 when I didn’t know what any of that stuff was… I truly didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t…  It’s making me think I am a rapist because of the real events too… my POCD just keeps telling me that I’m a P or a chomo or in worst case a child r*pist when I don’t ever want to ever be those things in any way 😭😭😭 it’s giving me intrusive thoughts about more details of the real events and this feeling in my head that hurts…  I don’t ever want to ever be a p or a chomo in any way… I don’t ever want to harm anyone, especially children… I don’t ever want to ever be anything my intrusive thoughts tell me I am…  

@Myheadhurts35 Sent it

@Givenup I’ve given this a read and your repeating the same thing. I understand about real events I really do. Trust me I obsessed about an event for 8 years. I completely understand. Brutally the truth is it happened and you can’t change it. But what you can control and change is the present and you can prevent it from happening in the future. You really need to try and accept that whatever happened, happened. I promise you no matter how much you worry about it, you can’t change it. I understand that you feel the real events have made you into something and I get that too. It’s all part of ocd I promise. It’s going to be okay

@Myheadhurts35 My mom and this former ocd therapist have both told me that I was a child and that “Thirteen-year-old children do not have an adult's sexual understanding or responsibility. So, you can see why you didn't realise the horribleness of an event until you matured. So now, in the present, you know yourself to be a good moral person. It allows you to let go of the past.” But idk if this is true or not…

@Givenup That is 100% true. Because if you knew it was bad, you wouldn’t of done it. Hypothetically, if you knew that event would make you feel how you do now, would you change it ? (Most likely yes) that’s how you know that you didn’t know it was wrong then. I remember speaking to someone about my event because I was scared I was going to be arrested. They told me that because I was under the age of 16, I was too young to give consent. Therefore I was not in the wrong. They said that your brain isn’t properly trained to understand what’s wrong untill your about 16. Please be a little easier on yourself. It’s just ocd

@Janell🌺 I was watching a funny video with a couple of guys acting in it. I was fantasizing in my head about girls I like saying the lines in the video. (Tifa and aerith from final fantasy) and my HOCD keeps making me think I'm attracted to the dudes when l'm fantasizing about women... so I stopped... shortly then I started getting intrusive feelings in my stomach.. i was fantasizing about the women so maybe that's it... but I hope it's not feelings for dudes...