Every night when I’m in bed every single type of intrusive thought that I usually have during the day comes at once and switches to another distressing thought, one after another. My main fear right now is about the afterlife and if it exists or doesn’t and just death in general. These thoughts keep me up all night, how do I find sleep. What should I think of to help me feel more relaxed?
Hey, sorry to hear about your struggle sleeping. I think the most likely reason this happens to you is because your mind has no distractions to occupy it so therefore the repetitive intrusive thoughts while lying in bed. I can completely understand the what happens next question. Because OCD craves certainty, this is the most elusive question of all. None of us know. Like 8 billion people do not know. You are just like the rest of us and at some point we all have thought about this. I think of it this way, the law of conservation of energy states that energy cannot be created nor destroyed, only converted into a different form. This is natural law. We, as humans, are vessels of energy. I like to think that the thing that makes me “tick” or my soul is that energy. I envision this is as a little ball of fire somewhere in my guts. When we pass on and our physical being is exhausted, that little ball of energy doesn’t just go away, but it is converted or becomes a part of the universe in a different form. Perhaps it is reused again. Perhaps it becomes a part of the universe again. Perhaps it goes to someplace. But there is something that happens after this because nature is telling us that.
@MikeOH2LA Thank you for your response. I never really thought of it like that. I guess I’m still worried about what form of energy my being will take after death. Whenever I get any type of answer or explanation for things with this subject I try to over analyze but like you said I have to be okay with uncertainty.
@tay95 Its cool. Maybe it helps that literally every single person is in the same boat.. none of us know. Also, are you more concerned about where your energy goes rather than what type?
@tay95 How do you analyze this rumination? What do you think about?
I usually just think about what nothing would feel like for eternity even though I know I wouldn’t be able to “feel” nothingness. Or I picture what existing in heaven would feel like (if it does exist) and the thought of that and existing there and it lasting forever almost scares me even more.
What do you think heaven looks like or is? Do you subscribe to the human vision of heaven? Like from an organized religious perspective?
Does nothing give you anxiety?
Also since no one knows what happens next, maybe eternity is just a human construct to make sense out of something we can’t understand.
I’m not entirely sure what I imagine it to be. I more just focus on the fact that no matter what that whatever comes after is for eternity and that’s what scares me the most. Either I exist in some form forever or don’t exist at all forever. The concept always throws me into a spiral of anxiety and depression and I’m not really sure how to overcome this specific fear.
Ok I got you
Is it because you don’t know what is in front of you so to speak? Or is it that you cannot control what happens next?
Are you a religious person?
Yes that’s a big part of it. I like to feel like I have some control over situations that cause me this much anxiety but with ocd all my intrusive thoughts always end up making me feel like I’m lost and weak minded.
@tay95 Yea! That is what it does to you. Makes you second guess yourself. If you were weak you wouldn’t even try. And you are definitely trying to work thru this torture.
And I’m not sure how I identify religiously. I’m still trying to figure that out.
We’re you raised in any organized religion? I was raised Catholic and attended catholic schools through high school.
I wasn’t raised overly religiously. I attended some Sunday School here and there when I was a kid but stopped going to church at all around 10 yrs old.
I was always afraid that god was judging me for any bad thoughts that could enter my head and would pray for forgiveness for a long time. I believe that religion might have been the start to my ocd.
I agree with you. It very well could be that core trigger that has unleashed the rest of these troublesome thoughts. If there is a God, they will not judge by thoughts but rather by actions. I always remember the phrase “God helps those who help themselves.” That to me means actions and not thoughts. People can think of all sorts of weird awful shit, and every single person does every day. If God judged us on thoughts, they would quite literally be lonely in heaven. LOL!
I am on a plane, but if you want to continue this conversation. I will be around a bit later. Hang in there! You are doing a good job.
Thank you for your help. I appreciate it. Have a good flight
Any one else deal with this? Like from the moment they wake up to the second they fall asleep, the intrusive thoughts are there?
the concept of death & existence is ruining my life rn 😭 im losing so much sleep. i try to close my eyes & all my brain wants to do is try to wrap itself around the idea of what not existing feels like & i get this sinking feeling that grows & grows until my eyes snap open & i have to go back on my phone to distract myself until im literally too exhausted to keep my head up & my body forces me to sleep. it makes having the motivation to do anything hard because all i can think is "it wont matter when i die". it sucks because i know that having MORE in my life might actually improve this, im 21 unemployed still living at home with ASD & i know once i have a job that will definitely give me more to focus on & other stresses to have lol, but i feel like im stuck in the endless cycle of "not having a life makes me worried im wasting my life & itll all be over so fast" & then "being so stressed about my life & time passing is exhausting & makes it too hard to find the motivation to do anything other than sit here" & repeat. spirituality is hard because i like thinking that way, like afterlife & shit, but i worry that im just "in denial" & using it as an unhealthy coping mechanism that leads to magical thinking thoughts. then its like i have some sort of meta ocd spiral obsessing over if what im doing is bad & unhealthy for my ocd or not. i LIKE being spiritual but im worrying im hurting myself & doing a compulsion thinking that way. it also doesnt help that religious spaces have hurt & traumatized so many people & im terrified of being apart of a "delusional" community that spreads a false narrative & attacks anyone that doesnt agree with them. i know i am not like that but i worry im still apart of the problem even thinking this way. at the end of the day no one knows the truth, no one knows what happens after death. im just struggling to sit with the uncertainty. it is so late rn idk of any of my words make sense lol
I have intrusive thoughts about God. But sometimes it seems like I do think them myself. I don't agree with them. But it's like I get too exhausted to fight anymore, or when my mind calms down, I don't feel right without the thoughts so I think them myself and idk why. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell.
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