EVERYTHING I SEE RELATED TO MY THEME TRIGGERS ME!!

Hello everyone..... I'm honesty so over this. I Haye the fact that my OCD theme is back and the anxiety hits super strong back to back to back and keeps going. I have been trying to stay off the internet and to not feed my ocd any more ideas, but it seems like evey where I trun, OCD uses evey chance it gets to make my anxiety spike more and more on after the other in a row. It was so bad I was crying my eyes out because these thoughts feel real and I hate them and I cried and cried until I couldn't anymore. I hate waking up now because I know what I'm getting myself into. I hate having to deal with my brain when I'm active. The only escape I have is sleep (95.5% of the time). I feel like im losing myself and I feel like im fighting to keep my identity safe from OCD. I'm tired, tearful, anxious, and stressed. Is so stressed to the point where I have physical pains in my back and develop headache. I want my life back and my sense of sanity back. I don't go on forums that much (reddit, quora, and google) Sometimes when I get numb from it all, I feel safer because u can't feel, and if I can't feel; I don't need to worry. Sleep is the only thing I look forward to because I can't even express my creativity( visual artists) without 4 or 5 intrusive thoughts following up.on each other along with intrusive feelings. I try and keep myself sane by playing bile games to re-directing my focus, but it works 50% of the time, which isn't bad, but from wverything I've stated above, it's not enough. I really Hate doing this because I know problems aren't as important, and people don't have time to stop and hear my thoughts and feelings, so I prefer to keep them to myself,; just so thay I don't burden or bother people with my issues when others have more issues than me. But I really feel broken and I feel.like my entire being is suffering because of it. TL;DR: my life is a living he'll I sleep Throught to cope, and I want to get rid of forums and ither things that feed my OCD to make it wores and throw things back in my face. Thank you to whoever had the patients to read this💙 Thank you so much... 💧🌧😞🌧💧

Nica

Date posted: 2y

If you’re over it, then 100% be over it. Don’t give into your OCD. Don’t fight against your OCD. Stay in the present moment and smile at life. Don’t seek reassurance, don’t ruminate, and don’t give into compulsions. All those things help combat OCD and its hold on you. Don’t give into it and don’t take it seriously. It gets bad the more we feed into it and the TRUE moment you’re done with OCD is when you stop giving a damn and living life without caring about OCD’s whims.

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

Thank you for your Words!!💙✨️💫 It's just so upsetting to constantly have these thought 25/8 465 I just wish I wasn't stuck with this illness😮‍💨 But I also know there is hope so I keep getting up everyday and I try to stay off reddit, quora, and google( unless it's actually important info and not compulsions🙂 Thanks again for your words, I appreciate them a whole lot!!!💫✨️⭐️✨️💫

Dothewalkofl...

Date posted: 2y

Hi there. I’m here from your recent post. If you look how many likes this has. You’ll realise other people feel the same. Me too. I’m guessing for you it feels like a 10/10 on the realness scale. And so many other people feel that way. Maybe you also struggle with the ‘what if this isn’t ocd. And it’s real’ if so, that’s something ocd people say 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙙𝙖𝙮. Sleep is also the only escape for me too. Because it all feels so real and sleep is the only time my head is resting. I’m probably not much help. But I just wanted to let you know, that you are not alone. At all

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

Thabk you for sharing!!!! It's been do hard because things trigger ne so easily. I have SO-OCD, and I'm a straight female, but OCD loves to say I'm anything but that and I hate it. I don't like this because it makes me anxious and i feel bad when someone who is in the LGBTQIA+ community makes a post online or something (I have twitter) and they trigger my OCD. I support these people throught and through, but knowing I have OCD avoidance and magical thinking is something I struggle with al lot. I feel bad for avoiding these people, I dint Haye them, nor do I think they are weird, I just don't want my OCD to be triggered. I don't want to offened anyone. On a side note, in happy that I'm am not the o ly one who feels like tgeir OCD is dictating what they think and what they feel, it makes me feel less alone and crazy 💙✨️💫 thanks again P.s. what intrusive thoughts do you have??? And how do they affect you? (Not everyone handles their intrusive thoughts the same, so I want to find more techniques so I can try them out)

Dothewalkofl...

Date posted: 2y

@Acekid128 Well, today I’m not feeling any anxiety about the thought of being gay. And it’s scaring me. A lot. I’m hoping other people have felt this way

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

@Myheadhurts35 I feel you, my first intrusive thought was about me being Lesbian, then Bi, then Pan(which is the current one om dealing with). I sometimes feel embarrassed sharing my intrusive thoughts because they're so foreign to who I actually am, and I don't like these thoughts being in my head. Right now from 1-10, the realness is at a 5-ish right now, so it's getting a little better. Also, do you have any other themes?

Sage._

Date posted: 25w

I don't think I can handle my ocd anymore

I can't stop thinking about ending my life. I feel like I'm not even living, I'm just surviving. Everyone is capable of being a person and functioning and I'm just stuck here avoiding everything. My psychiatrist said my ocd is severe and it will all take time and I'll start erp and I'm already on medication but I just feel so depressed and like I won't be able to handle erp and it's already too late for me. I feel inhuman, it's debilitating. My major theme is just fear or contamination, I can't even make myself a meal I can't touch anything in the kitchen. I get stuck in the shower for 2 hours and when I don't shower because I'm depressed I feel like a walking germ. My hands are a mess, my school work is shit, I avoid and avoid and I'm just so tired of "living" like this. My psychiatrist said they don't have any therapists available right now like.... excuse me? What do you mean u don't have any 😭 I honestly don't even know why I'm typing this becuase nothing helps, nothing ever will. I'm so deep into this I can't get out, my room looks like shit, I can't live in this body anymore, I really can't. I let everyone down, I am and will be such a dissapointment. I don't have any dreams or goals or passions I just wasn't made to be here. I don't know how or who to ask for help like there's nothing anyone can do, I'm already on meds. I can't keep being like this, seeing everyone judge me for acting insane.

ConstantPain

Date posted: 24w

Dealing with a lot. Need support and company.

My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.

strawberryjax

Date posted: 24w

hey. i have contamination ocd and this is my life.

back in october i made my first post about my specific type of ocd, how it mixes in with my day to day and how i “deal” with it. i talked about the starting point, how it gradually got worse, and then how it was going just a few months ago. i always think it’s insane how much can change in just the course of a small to a large amount of time. right now, i honestly feel like garbage. to be quite sincere i really want to give up, i’m barely holding on by a thread. and if i cut that thread, i really doubt anyone would care. i’ve never considered myself to be a suicidal person, and i still don’t consider myself that right now. it just gets to a point where it’s just, a lot to deal with. i don’t really enjoy things a lot nowadays. sure i have good days like everyone does, like today, when i was just enjoying my day without worries. but then it all comes crawling back twice as bad the following days. i take online college so i’m usually just stuck at home most of the time. but, when i do decide to actually go out and leave my house, my ocd just explodes because i have this whole routine i need to do or else i feel like i’ll contaminate wherever i end up going. i’m not going to go really deep into my compulsions because it’s hard enough to live with them, much more having to type them all out in detail. but when i go out my compulsions go from wiping down all my stuff i’m going to use after showering, to washing my clothes/cleaning the washer + dryer. i also have separate things (or two of the same thing) i use specifically in my house, and items i use when going out. such as shampoo/body wash, deodorant, lotion, hair curler, etc. as if that’s not draining enough, i also feel the need to fast a couple days prior to any plan i make because i’ve forced myself to believe i need to feel empty in order to be clean. i’m not sure if that’s my past eating disorder talking, or my ocd, but my brain can’t help but think any food in my house is utterly and completely contaminated. i’m so tired of this feeling, feeling like nothing will ever be clean again. feeling like my ocd is trapped in my childhood home. feeling that wave of diseases rushing through my veins the moment i step foot into what’s supposed to be “home”. and i’m so scared of therapy because what if i do get healed, and then everything comes rushing back the second i step into my room. i’m planning on moving somewhere far from my current house in this next coming year, so sometimes i feel like just waiting it out. but it’s insufferable when going to hangout with someone. i miss my friends, my family, and my partner. it’s crazy to me that i’m dealing with all this at the young age of 18 but, i’m sure lots of people have it way worse. i just want to find a way out, any possible way. but i keep pushing myself deeper and deeper that when i finally find a way, it will no longer exist.

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EVERYTHING I SEE RELATED TO MY THEME TRIGGERS ME!!

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