With Suicidal ocd should I be like it was just 1 thought everyone has suicide thoughts now and then or just be like maybe I do or maybe I don’t

I would take any thought, with regards to self harm, and try and divert it as much as you can. Deep breaths- and maybe get in a room with someone you are comfortable with!

It’s more like I had the thought and now I’m like panicking because I had that thought , I’m not gettin thoughts of doin it, my minds kind of like why would I think that

With OCD, it's important to acknowledge that the only reason you are having such a thought is because you have OCD, a disorder that produces intrusive thoughts. The presence of the thought doesn't mean anything other than that. OCD will not accept this answer without putting up a fight, however, which is where the "maybe I do, maybe I don't" part comes in. By saying this, you're telling your OCD that you understand there is no way to know with 100% certainty whether the thought means something (because OCD is trying to get you to chase absolute certainty).

And that absolute certainty that OCD wants is unattainable. There will never be an answer that will please OCD. So telling it that you can live with uncertainty is a way for you to move forward from the endless ruminations and conversations you may be having with OCD.

Like I doubt i would actually act on them , I wouldn’t do that to everyone , I’m just so sick of this I’ve had ocd for 15 years now and I’m just so tired of gettin it back over and over , my mind is more like why would I think maybe I do want it

Like I tell most people, this happened to me when I was 12, you’re having these anxieties because your body and mind are trying to avoid that situation, you don’t want it to happen which is good. I’d just say take life one day at a time

Right, I get the same thing like why would i think this

Yeah it wasn’t even that bad but bad enough to scare the hell out of me , not sure to tell my mum cos she’ll just be so upset

Should I tell my mum

Like it’s weird , it’s not like I’m like fuck I hate life I wanna die, it’s more like why did I have that bad thought maybe I do want it , like I have a real good life , but some reason my brain keeps going back to that thought

I'm not previously part of this conversation but you should not tell your mum. That is a compulsion. Resist it. It sucks and it's going to hurt but you're going to be telling your brain that that thought meant nothing. Keep doing that. If you wanted to commit suicide, you would not be feeling this way.

I highly recommend "OCD help" the podcast. I swear I'm not at all affiliated but her podcast has given me so much clarity.

I meant just tell my mum had a thought about it

I understand your desire to tell her but you shouldn't. This isn't a real threat. People without OCD do not understand what happens in our brains. She may take it as a real threat. It isn't one. You aren't going to hurt yourself. You don't want to. I realize I'm kind of reassuring you here which isn't great for overall recovery but you should truly look up some resources about ERP. I know it's scary from experience, but you should resist every compulsion to confess.

She knows I have OCD and has had all sorts of types

Like I think I should tell her because it involves self Harm