I just can't continue anymore. I've seen people say they've loved with this for years but I refuse to live like this any longer. I've tried exposing myself to the triggers but it doesn't work. If things continue like this I don't think I want to live anymore
I felt the same way when I first started experiencing OCD with POCD. The constant thought of “I’d rather die than have these thoughts/urges.” You aren’t alone. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. I swear you aren’t alone. You can talk to someone, you can put yourself in a psych ward so you can find ways to help yourself. Just don’t hurt yourself. As someone who has tried and ended up at the hospital, it’s not worth it.
My biggest fear is that in the future I'll end up actually being a sick person. It's impossible for me to look at anything involving someone younger than me even if it's just by one year. I'll be turning 16 soon which means that list will just increase. I can't pay for therapy unless my parents pay and they wont. I don't know what to do anymore. Whenever I feel an ounce of happiness I have to remind myself that I don't deserve it. I just want it to end
@MushroomStew I started experiencing OCD when I was 15, right before I turned 16. I understand where you’re coming from. I’m 17 now and I don’t have therapy. Everyone’s OCD is different. It’s accommodated to how your brain is. The best thing to do is keep pushing. I have that same exact fear too. All you can really do is accept that there might or might not be a future like that and ground yourself in the present. Don’t let OCD control you too much. Yes you will flare up, you will feel suicidal and sad, but with people to talk to like your family or the people in this app, you can push through. i know you can.
@meow I don't understand how it's possible to live in uncertainty. Why would I want to be uncertain about something like this? And it's not like I can talk to my family because of they knew they would probably have me, I know my older sister would. I tried talking to my mother but in the end I just couldn't tell her. I don't want them to hate me
Don't give up , you are not alone , keep fighting. I had pocd and medication change my life.
Even if I could take medications, i'd be too afraid that it would cause me to act out on my thoughts
I understand you're afraid and have doubts . Try meditation and mindfulness to help you the intrusive thoughts and anxiety.
I feel the same way right now. I don’t want to hurt myself because I know there’s a chance I could get better, I just really don’t see it happening now. The thoughts are just too intense and it’s exhausting to just exist. I don’t have the energy to do homework or exercise or even talk to people. I just want everything to stop
Firstly, you are absolutely normal. Its the trickery of OCD which is making you feel this way. I am a 42 yo male and have had OCD all my life! Every theme you can think of, Ive had it. Currently its POCD consuming my mind. I have 2 beautiful children which makes it even harder for me, but I plan on beating this horrible illness for me and my family. You HAVE to keep on reminding yourself you haven't, wont and never will do what your brain thinks you will. That's just the OCD voice doing it's work. You are only 16 years old and have your whole life ahead of you. No, OCD wont go away but in time you will learn to be the one who controls your mind. Be strong, have faith in yourself and remember there are lots others out there going through the exact same. Good luck!!!
Thank you for this
I would like to thank everyone here for their kind words and advice, it really did make me feel better. I have decided not to give up just yet and see what happens in the future
@MushroomStew Me too. It’s still hard for me to imagine having a normal life but I really want to get better, so I’m going to try NOCD therapy and see if it e works. Good luck with your recovery, I hope you feel better soon ❤️
@don’t giv up on me yet I hope you feel better too
hi! :) you took the words out of my own heart! I’ve felt the same way soo many times, but I promise you they DONT last!! The time will come when they decrease!! I also couldn’t pay for therapy so I only did 2. I so felt like that too like I couldn’t look at anyone at ALL! All ages, male/female! Imagine me! Trust me, I felt like I couldn’t keep a job, friends, EVEN my family! Believe me I HATE it and it did take months for me and I still have it but it’s definitely lowered! It’s been a couple years now and I’ve LEARNED a lot! Can I share my suggestions from my personal experience with you? :)
Sure
My name is Bee! :) and I send you A BIG HUG ok!! I understand your thoughts and feelings personally!!!
I sent u the above msg :)
The past 2 years I’ve noticed The BIGGEST influence on my OCD level of torture decreased when my anxiety was low and taken cared of! I noticed EXTREMELY nonstop thoughts and crazy emotions if I was super anxious! And believe me, I’ve been on a MISSION trying to find my personal cure (not obviously get rid of 100% but be able to control it) so I journaled a lot through all the trial and error to figure myself out and my patterns in my mental and physical behavior! I came to realize in my experience if I didn’t care for my health, my anxiety spiked! So I learned for myself this: If I didn’t sleep, if I didn’t eat 3 proper meals and stayed hydrated with water, didn’t do any exercise , didn’t have a healthy at least small amount of social interaction, or was super stressed, it made my OCD patterns spike! :( I also emphasize HEALTHY food cause I myself eat fast food and work a lot and ALL my habits, I’ve learned from! So the OVERALL health makes a HUGE difference OCD to me! Also I prayed with all my heart also of course which always brings me back to my HOPE! Finding your way to your hope is also the last but most important thing to carve out for yourself as you get through this horrible OCD destroyer! I wish I can tell you more but I know it’s a lot but I’m here for you!! I will keep sharing my story with you ok mushroomstew :)
Ok, thanks
I’m so glad you’re on here and that you’re sharing. I’m a 36 year old mother who is newly diagnosed with this as well. Only a few months ago I was absolutely terrified by what was occurring in my mind and had no idea it was OCD. My intrusive thoughts also made me feel I’d rather not be alive or that it would be better for my family if I were dead. I only share this to let you know I too have experienced that darkness. My heart feels for you. My friend, you are not alone. Let that sink in. When I found out I had OCD and that this was a taboo subtype that others also experience, it helped me a lot. It did not change my anxiety, but knowing it wasn’t just me struggling felt like a break through. I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I know this is disturbing and very difficult to share with loved ones. Continue sharing here until you’re ready for that next step ♥️. There is hope—there truly is. It’s hard to believe now, but recovery is possible. If it’s possible for you to get your hands on this book, it has been pretty massive in helping me work through all of this. https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1684035635/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=20P5OT908VKJO&keywords=workbook+for+ocd&qid=1669984500&sprefix=workbook+for+ocd%2Caps%2C78&sr=8-1
Thank you for sharing this, I don't think I can buy the book but I will try and find it online
@MushroomStew Thinking about you this morning! How are you today?
@Anonymous I'm doing a bit better. But the thing is whenever I feel a bit better, I wonder if it's because I am turning into a bad person. I know it makes no sense but I can't help it
@MushroomStew Actually, it does make sense. I get it. The OCD wants to hang on to that teeny tiny thread of “what if” or “how come.” There were times I’d think, “Shouldn’t I be feeling bad or worried?” And then of course I did because it’s truly disturbing. Keep doing the work :). Another rec I wanted to send you is Chris Lien’s podcast OCD Straight Talk. Seriously helpful therapy info and tips. He makes me feel understood.
@Faith♥️Hope♥️Love Thank you, I'll make sure to look at it. Also thank you for all the help
@Faith♥️Hope♥️Love Did you ever feel like you almost didn’t WANT to get rid of OCD? Not OCD itself but like “If I stop thinking about this, I’ll never figure out who I am?” Right now I’m feeling really stuck, like I’m trying to hold onto something but also trying to put it down
@don’t giv up on me yet I’m hoping I’m interpreting your question correctly, so here goes :) The obsessions and the effort to figure them out or make them go away take up a lot of headspace. For me, they were taking up all my waking hours. I actually felt more like I couldn’t recognize myself, and I was losing hope I ever would again. So I think I understand what you’re saying, but in a different way. We’re spending so so much time consumed in the obsessions/compulsions that we’re not fully engaging all of the other lovely things in life that contribute to our personhood. So your question—without it, who am I? Well, I have hope you’ll continue recovery and have the headspace to figure that out by truly enjoying the good in life and engaging your values rather than compulsions. With continued recovery, you’ll have the wonderful opportunity to experience good things. Hang in there—a day at a time.
@don’t giv up on me yet Do you feel I understood your question?
@Faith♥️Hope♥️Love Yeah I think so. It’s just scary to let myself get totally distracted because it feels like letting my guard down
Thx
So it’s currently 2:42am and I think I’m finally losing my damn mind. I’m exhausted and all I want to do is sleep, but my stupid head has other plans 🤯 I really don’t understand any of this. I’m absolutely terrified because I feel like I’m becoming a monster. I feel disgusting, I cant stop crying. All I want is for this to go away and stay away. My head hurts, my heart hurts, my whole body hurts. I don’t know what to do anymore. I really don’t want to die but it feels like that’s the only option for me. I’m only 17 and I don’t want to waste my life on suicide. But I am so so so scared of the future. I can’t stop thinking “what if I start to like the thoughts and become the thing I hate most in this world”. The groinal responses are the worst. I need it to end. People on this app have been going through this for years and years, they are unbelievably strong. I’ve been going through this for about 6 months and I’m ready to give up. I can’t take it. I’d rather die than harm a child in any way. My whole soul has given up on me. I’m so scared
I just don’t know how much more of this I can take. I’m so fed up of the way my OCD makes me feel, plagued with thoughts that I hate my son, I don’t love my partner, I want to die, my life is pointless. I’m trying so hard, I’m doin ERP, I’m trying to carry on my life as normal but I just feel SO depressed. I am convinced that I am stuck like this forever now, clearly nothing is working and I’m just ready to give up 😢
Extremely close to giving up and throwing in the towel, dealt with 24/7 intrusive thoughts since March, done ERP therapy, cold showers, gym, diet changes, medication, work. However I can’t find the motivation to get out of bed today, life surely can’t be this miserable forever 😟 contemplating ending it all
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