Spiraling and Need Help (Relationship OCD)

I am currently spiraling with a new theme that has hit me hard. Basically I’ve noticed that I think one of my co workers likes me and tends to blush when they are around me, and I now I’m questioning if I like them. But I am already taken, have a partner, and have no interest in dating anyone else. The thought of doing anything romantic with my co worker makes me feel uncomfortable and nauseous. I’m wondering if this is just Relationship OCD? But I keep blushing when I am around her, partly because I think I’ve become hyper aware of wether or not I am blushing. I have spiraled over this twice before and this is the third time after work I am spiraling. I only noticed this after I spiraled the first time and had a panic attack over it. Last night I had severe panic attacks after work questioning if I was unfaithful to my partner or not. For context yesterday was the first time I’ve seen my partner in a while because they were sick. I was so happy to see them and we cuddled as per usual, and I told them that I missed them because I genuinely missed them and it was really nice. But then at work, eventually my new theme became triggered and I kept thinking about it on and off the whole time. It started because when I first saw my co worker I felt myself blushing in her presence. But then I kept telling myself “maybe maybe not” and eventually was able to let go of it and then I was fine and could care less. But then at the end of the night when she was training me to close the store, I felt myself blushing as she was watching and making helpful but direct comments. And I could tell that she thought my reactions were funny because I am not a direct kind of person. 😅 so I would be flustered by that but I question why I was flustered or if that meant something else?? We do get along well and I enjoy our chats, I really do just want to be friends with this person. But now I find myself dreading interacting with her. Oh and I’ve also been actively avoiding getting too close to her, making sure to avoid hands touching when handing each other boxes, etc. But since I find myself blushing in her presence I keep questioning myself and it’s hard to stop. I feel sick and panicky and I keep questioning if I’m being emotionally disloyal to my partner. I haven’t gotten a chance to mention them at work yet because either we are very busy and it’s just not relevant or OCD is occupying the back of my mind. But then I did have a chance to mention it to a different co worker last night but then I second guessed myself if it was socially right thing to say at the moment, or at least that’s what I thought happened, but now I’m questioning that too. Because the co worker who has been triggering me was in the background and what if I didn’t mention it because I didn’t want her to know?? Ugh I hate this Also as a side note she is a lot younger than me and not someone I would even consider dating if I was single (she is 18 and I am 23), and I’ve never had this problem with anyone younger than me before. I am always helpful like a big sister to the freshman at my college. And I think this makes it worse because I have POCD too and she like just turned 18 so this also freaks me out a lot more ☠️ I think I started freaking out about her when I learned how young she was; she is ranked above me at work and is very confident and direct so I had no idea. But yeah this also just makes me feel icky and uncomfortable. But with this stupid blushing I keep questioning myself on if it’s because I am anxious, because I am flustered, or because I like her??? And when I got in my car after work last night I genuinely couldn’t tell. I was convinced that I did like her and that I had to put a stop to it. And then I started freaking out as soon as I got home and proceeded to have panic attacks and a nightmare. And now I think that it’s likely just my OCD and anxiety causing me to be hyper aware of wether or not I’m blushing. Because if I did like her why would it cause me to spiral into panic attacks?? Anyways I am going starting OCD therapy again soon but this has just been too much and I needed to at least write it out somewhere…I also just want to know if anyone else has experienced something similar to this? Especially with the blushing?

MintyMLP

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

It's good that you are recognizing that OCD could be making you flustered or blush. Think "maybe it's because I have a crush maybe it's not" Hypothetically speaking, if it were to be a crush, what would even happen? Having a crush doesn't mean you have to act on it. Thinking someone is cute isn't the end of the world. You can find someone attractive and that doesn't mean you get right into a relationship (or into bed) with them. I can really relate with both of your themes. I struggled very hard with cheating OCD. I was so scared of cheating on my partner. I've never done that but that's OCD for you. I also struggle with POCD and I have lots of thoughts similar to yours.

EmWest

Date posted: 2y

@MintyMLP Yes- I agree these sound like common thoughts in people with OCD relating to relationships, where later in their journey they look back and go “yeah, now I see it was totally just OCD trying to make me think I’m a bad person, and nothing more”

Leaff

Date posted: 2y

Thank you for commenting! It really helps to know that I’m not alone with this type of thing. And it was not too triggering, no worries, it actually helps to think of it that way. I’ve calmed down a lot from this morning and thankfully am in a better place, though not completely recovered of course. ^_^

MintyMLP

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Hopefully you don't find my comment too triggering. I am not insinuating that you have a crush on this person, I'm just trying to show you that even if the worst was confirmed that things wouldn't be so bad.

EmWest

Date posted: 2y

I recommend using the “life preserver” feature on here- from what I’ve read this definitely has the vibes of an OCD episode where later you will look back and realize it wasn’t something that really needed to be stressed over! I used to get these more often- the life preserver feature and therapy helped a bunch! Take some breaths, give it some time (which I know is harder done than said), and try labeling it as OCD acting up and nothing else. That’s certainly what it sounds like to me- just OCD trying to make you feel bad (which is is very good at doing), and not something to be worried about. You got this! Best of luck in therapy too! 😊

Leaff

Date posted: 2y

Thank you!! I will definitely check out the life preserver feature! I really appreciate your comment :)

EmWest

Date posted: 2y

(The life preserver function for spiraling episodes is the purple/blue life preserver icon in the bottom right of the main chat screen btw, it has guided sessions for relationship OCD, POCD, and more! I’d def recommend giving it a go if you feel up to it!)

nessy

Date posted: 25w

Flirted by a stranger, causing ROCD flare up.

I’ve been with my partner for about 7 years. I thought I was over the ROCD for a while. But I’ve been under a lot of stress. I’m moving in with him next week, but I lost my job due to severe anxiety and depression affecting my job. (I hated working there) It’s been stressful trying to find another job while moving and I’ve noticed I would occasionally get intrusive thoughts, but I managed to ignore them, especially with the help of medication. However just today I went shopping for groceries and this stranger asked for my number and called me cute. I can’t lie it was flattering but I rejected him and confirmed I had a partner and it was serious. He was very friendly about it and I went home. But now I’m getting these intrusive thoughts like “You want him instead of your partner.” “You’d rather be with him.” “You felt flattered so you want to be in a relationship with him instead and cheat on your partner or break up with your partner.” It’s been so hard since coming back home because while I was flattered, my brain keeps thinking I’ve cheated for some reason or want to cheat or break up with my partner. For reference, I’m demisexual which means I don’t have any attraction until I develop a strong emotional connection with someone. So I wasn’t attracted to this stranger but I keep thinking I am? I really hate this because I love my partner so much and I thought I was over all of this. Any advice when a flare up like this happens? I assume it’s a flare up because I hate how real it feels, it makes me feel sick with anxiety.

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

I Really Need Some Insight

I am really worried because I felt confident about my appearance today, then I found myself thrown into imagining if I did certain things like flipping my hair or just looking good around a certain coworker and they'd find it attractive. I don't like that coworker at all and I'm in a happy relationship with my boyfriend, this made me feel awful and I starting feeling disloyal again. I don't know if it's an old habit, a desire for external validation, or what. I can't tell if this was a thought pattern connected to my last post or not. All I know is that I'm really stuck right now. I feel like every time I pick myself back up, I fall right back down again, like there's ice in the road. I can't help but feel like everything I touch or everything I think about crumbles. I feel like my own mind is against me and I don't know who to trust anymore. These small OCD spirals are really messing with my work life, s*x life, everything really, and it's getting to me. I feel with every spiral that I'm getting sucked into a depression again and I don't know what's next. It doesn't matter how small the "bad" thing that "i did" was, but I feel that every little thing is building up to a point and something is going to crash down. I need help. What do I do? Right when everything around me seems to be going up, I feel like I'm being dragged down and I can't do this anymore. Please help me.

JustMe2025

Date posted: 23w

ROCD hits hard

Hey I'm new here... Married for two years, not formally diagnosed with OCD but over 25 years, I've dealt with obsessing over my sexuality, then it has shifted to obsessing over my relationships. In my first marriage, I would notice other attractive men and at one point I started to obsess over one man at my church. Eventually it went away but I divorced for other reasons. Fast forward 15 years. I meet my now-husband, but we break up twice while dating. I was terrified. I have learned I do struggle with fearful/avoidant attachment, but I made it through to get married!! But now, the obsessing over other men is happening again. I work with a lot of men. If I notice one who may be handsome, all of a sudden I feel weird sensations in my body, my mind races, and I fear I want to cheat, or wonder if I'd be happier. It has happened with a guy at my church, several coworkers, my husband's best friend...so I know there's a pattern. But as of late, it has gotten worse with one coworker. I have to see him every day. The thoughts are loud. They feel real, like they're how I feel (I like him, he has nice eyes, I love you). I am a Christian, and when I pray about it, it's almost like something inside me says, 'don't fix this, this isn't OCD, I want this guy' blah blah blah. I feel awful, like a whore, like a cheater, like a double-minded person. And I feel so far away from my husband. I've dealt with feeling the need to confess everything early in our relationship. I've gotten better at not doing that, but I feel like I carry this private pain that no one understands. It really hurts. I guess I just needed to vent and let this out. Sometimes it feels so lonely. I feel crazy. I'm in my 50s, I have a full time job, I take care of my home, yet I feel paralyzed by this sometimes. Thanks for reading.

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Spiraling and Need Help (Relationship OCD)

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