PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

Im getting so angry rn

Everywhere i read about "its ocd cause you have "what if" thoughts, what if i harm someone, what if i jump out the window, what if i like the opposite gender" and it drives me crazy cause when i have an ocd attack its not what if. Theres no what if, its like a command to do something bad, harm someone or myself, it feel like a feeling too that i should die, but when its over im just fine, i want to live. Expecially thats so hard when i feel like i dont want to ignore the thought, i want them. This should be clear now that is ocd just "what if" thoughts or it can be so agressive like you feel you want to do that, its like a command to do it, you even get thoughts why you should do it(like dying cause you had enough, harming someone cause it made you angry) cause sometimes it doesnt feel like ocd, i feel like im fighting with myself to not do those bad things...

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

Im reading this and it really can be misunderstood, cause i wrote it down so agressively,cause this is how angry it makes me...but i will clear this up that when it goes away its clear to me i do not want to harm anyone. It just that moment when i feel like im not myself

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

So true

Schroder

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Ocd can present itself in feelings, thoughts, urges, commands and thoughts, ocd will do anything to get us to do those compulsions that's why it's so debilitating

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

But then how i know the difference if i just get into "i really deserve to die" and i just feel miserable... i heard someone said you know its ocd when that feeling of trying to figure it out comes in, but i dont have that either sometimes, its just like this is what i want to do, theres nothing to figure it out, and i feel like that too

BoringJohnson

Date posted: 2y

I really thought I was alone with that.

alyssa3203

Date posted: 2y

Yes I was so scared because mine comes is graphic disturbing images or commands and I’m like I don’t even want to to do that it’s terrible. Ocd isn’t just ‘what if’, it’s any intrusive thought, image, and urges.

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

For me sometimes is like "i want to do that" and im strugling with guilt

BoringJohnson

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 Having those strong commands is what makes me question is it OCD or is it me and that’s what keeps the cycle going.

alyssa3203

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 Same but I’ve learned you have to sit with that too. Just because we feel guilty doesn’t mean we actually have something to be guilty for. It’s hard but I hope it helps knowing you aren’t alone in this

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

@alyssa3203 Yeah i understand that, but i also noticed that guilt comes after my obsession comes too,when i obsess if its ocd or not, if i dont let that get me than theres just an urge, with no guilt,and it even makes me feel like i enjoy it...so its really hard to sit with the urges, thoughts that say why should i do it, emotions that goes hand with that like sadness,anger or hopelessness, and theres no what if thoughts, no guilt, and sometimes not even anxiety... it just feels like im doing something stupid by letting this be

alyssa3203

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 It kind of sounds like you’re desensitized to the thoughts. Thoughts are just thoughts and from my knowledge you haven’t acted on anything or want to it just feels that way. The fact that you posted this means you rather not have the thoughts even if they don’t trigger you that much. The point of treatment is to actually not react to those thoughts or have much anxiety so just try being kinder to yourself

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

@alyssa3203 The problem might be that i heard somewhere that you can desensitize yourself if you show your brain that these feeling and thoughts arent dangerous and the best way to do it its make it like you want the thoughts and enjoy it. So i programmed my mind to have this reaction when i get anxious, and now automatically i feel that i enjoy anxiety,but this just makes me numb and have dpdr... i feel like i did a big mistake by teaching my mind to enjoy these feelings and thoughts

Aphid123

Date posted: 22w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

Dreamydream

Date posted: 20w

Question please

Can harm ocd thoughts appear like “i want” or “im going to” someone please lmk if they experienced this 😣

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 16w

Triggered from NOCD article

Guys for the past couple of hours ive been spiraling! I wad researching and came across this harm ocd article question that has been worrying me. The title was "im scared of hurting someone when I'm mad. Can i trust myself?" And I was thinking "hey that's what ive been worried about for the past several months!" I even AVOID being angry. Im scared of it bc I get a lot of thoughts and I'm hyperaware of my hands and feel them tingly! Last time i tensed so hard to stay still as possible bc I was so so nervous from my thoughts and my hand twitched which made me SPIRAL. I never want to cause harm! And i always start crying after an argument bc the thoughts are so so scary! Anyway I got afraid bc the article said "research has shown that people with ocd don't struggle with impulse control- so if you find yourself intensely worried you could do harm based on the intrusive thoughts or urges you have, it's likely something else is going on." THAT SENTENCE HAS LEFT ME WITH A TON OF ANXIETY! Its so bad, my appetite is gone! I'm scared does this mean I don't have ocd and should be seriously concerned?!

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Im getting so angry rn

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