How can I stop obsessive thoughts about my ex while in a committed relationship?

Im in a relationship for 4 years, but i had been in contact with my ex a few times. WORSE DECISION, after confessing i developed ocd. Different themes, i literally quit my previous job because i believed that i was going to fall in love with just anyone from there, female, male, kid etc. It was very difficult, but that theme is not loud anymore. I noticed how my ocd attached to the mistakes i made, and now is torturing me by reminding me every day with hard evidence i dont love my partner, or love songs remind me of my ex. Almost as if i see him everywhere, there are days that my bf says something and my mind tells me oh it sounds like your ex, or if i see my ex in him, its so weird, next year we planned a trip, same country/neighborhood where i met my ex, i feel like going back to where i met him might trigger my anxiety. How do i get rid of these ex thoughts, i dont want to be with my ex. I just want to erase these thoughts and everything is annoying me

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

im so glad im not alone in this , i have had this theme for a week alr & its so stressful, trust that it will pass bc its getting better now , i told my bf i had these thoughts & it hurt him but he says that it doesn't phase him just hurts hearing these things, dont let ocd win , we got this

Username: Anonimo05Anonimo05

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Definitely not alone. I thought i was alone, and look obv not happy you are experiencing this but glad we can chat and see other people are going through it as well❤️

Username: renabearrenabear

Date posted: 1y ago

Awe yes thankyou I understand ! Yes this society doesn’t feel like a very forgiving one unfortunately . But yes ! My past mistakes definitely prevent me just from having any type of positive feeling . It’s like I feel I do not deserve any kind of happiness because of my past mistakes and yes ! I feel I’m always considering breaking up with my boyfriend because of my past decisions or because I’m afraid I’ve made the same mistake and just don’t know it and so I will literally spend days ruminating about a moment over and over to determine whether or not I made a mistake and have to confess to my boyfriend or not ! But my relationship ocd didn’t develop til I confessed to my boyfriend about my mistakes as well .

Username: k$$k$$

Date posted: 1y ago

rocd loves to latch onto ex’s i swear i understand what your going through

Username: Anonimo05Anonimo05

Date posted: 1y ago

@k$$ Really? I didn’t know that. I feel so sad, because it affects my relationship, the constant thoughts of what if u like your ex, what if you dont love your partner bc you want ur ex better, or unwanted comparisons between my bf and ex. It’s so difficult to be present when my mind is torturing me and im just trying to move on from the past and be happy.

Username: sendgyoza sendgyoza

Date posted: 1y ago

@k$$ I am experiencing the same, how did u cope up with the situation?

Username: renabearrenabear

Date posted: 1y ago

I understand your thoughts and I have been struggling with similar ones . I’ve also made mistakes in my current relationship and now I’m terrified of making more . I feel my mind constantly wonders if I’m like flirting with anyone without realizing it or if I have alternative intentions whenever talking to anyone especially people who just appear to be attractive to me . It’s very distressing . This specifically happens to me 24/7 at work . I know mine isn’t latching on a specific person but I understand to a certain extent what you mean , it’s very distressing to deal with stuff like this all the time I’m sorry you’re struggling as well .

Username: Anonimo05Anonimo05

Date posted: 1y ago

@renabear Sad to hear you are going through this as well, but now you know you are not alone. Specially because we live in a world where society tells us that we are perfect humans and we cant make bad decisions. I totally understand, do you get scary thoughts like the past will not let u be happy or that it will pop up all the time in the future?

Username: Anonimo05Anonimo05

Date posted: 1y ago

@renabear Do you ever feel like you have to break up bc of it? For example i know ocd will convince you of anything, and with rocd it has convinced me that i dont love my partner even though i know i do but its like my ocd has evidence that i dont so its much worse since i actually acted as a bad/immature/lost person and made those decisions.

Username: DakotaRose

Date posted: 6y ago

does anyone else get obsessive thoughts about their ex while they’re with their current partner? i was in an emotionally abusive relationship for almost 4 years (also my first relationship EVER) and i definitely have PTSD from a lot of it. he broke up with me and i’m so glad that he did, because i don’t know how much longer i would have continued to be in that relationship. the thing is, even though he’s done a lot of fucked up things to me, i don’t have hate for him in my heart. i have these thoughts like “oh if you don’t hate him you must still be in love with him” and they make me panic. i’ve been dating my current boyfriend for almost 2 years. i love him so much, he’s so supportive of me and great. i get these awful thoughts that my ex was “the one” for me, i will never feel the way i did about my ex with my current boyfriend, constantly comparing them, etc. i’ve been to therapy for years now, and have come to the realization that i am self-sabotaging. i’m lost, depressed, and scared. any advice would be appreciated ❤️

Username: taylebrun

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD with ex

My Rocd has attached itself to my ex. Whom I haven’t thought about in almost a year, and If I did, it was literally just passing thoughts. Now they bother me! It’s like my ocd is telling me to leave this relationship that is the absolute best for my ex.

Username: wiki_xo

Date posted: 39w ago

afraid I have limerence ? Idk.

back story: i have been having thoughts about my ex crush for like about two years now, off and on. I know I love my boyfriend and I want to be with him. But my ex crushes name always pops into my head every fucking day, my brain always ties back a connection with anything I fucking do, and I see his name everywhere which always makes me think it’s a “sign” I get sad bc my mind will always replay memories with the ex crush rather than my boyfriend and I get upset with it. I’m at my wits end and I feel incredibly guilty bc I don’t want this person, nor do I want him in my head. Has anyone gone through this where they had intrusive thoughts about a person for no reason?

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How can I stop obsessive thoughts about my ex while in a committed relationship?

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