taylebrun
- Date posted
- 2y
Wtf?
After almost breaking up with my boyfriend last night, I’m waking up experiencing relief. I just don’t get it. These thoughts feel so real in the moment, I literally feel crazy.
taylebruntaylebrun
- Date posted
- 2y
All the time. I call them my intrusive feelings.
Anonimo05Anonimo05
- Date posted
- 2y
@taylebrun Wow yea that’s a great way to call them. I rmrb someone told me oh maybe you realized you dont love him that much, just imagine how i got after that i couldn’t stop thinking of the possibility of me not loving him during all this time. I got scared after because i really felt relief, as if i was glad we broke up. Like ok no more thoughts now bc we not together. But i guess that’s the compulsion there. I hope we get better, it’s been worse this week. Like i feel irritated, i see him and it’s like idk him sometimes, like disconnected i would say, like i cant enjoy nothing because in my mind all i hear is we going to break up, that i dont see a future with him, like i dont see us together in a house or having kids or even in bed, it’s really disturbing. I want to be ok again. Whats adding to my ocd is that i made bad decisions in the relationship so i also experience excessive guilt, and cant let go of the past so i think my ocd has latched to my mistakes, making it impossible to forgive myself, move on from that, and be happy.
Anonimo05Anonimo05
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonimo05 I have so many intrusive thoughts, it’s too much. i’ve also thinked that i look too old for him, or that i deserve another person, i’ve compared him to other people from the past, i was convinced that i like my ex when i know i dont want to be with that person. 😭
taylebruntaylebrun
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonimo05 You literally sound just like me. We’ve got this, it’s just OCD. Just sit with the uncertainty, trust me I know it’s easier said than done. We can do it!
Anonimo05Anonimo05
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonimo05 That’s why im also scared because i think what if i never feel better and im always thinking what if i want to be with my ex, what if i see myself with him and stuff like that. Any advice??
taylebruntaylebrun
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonimo05 You said it yourself “what if?” If these thoughts cause you distress let them. Think to yourself, “thank you for those thoughts brain” it sounds stupid but it’s not accepting nor denying these thoughts. Soon enough your brain should latch on to something else and then you do the same technique again. People have thousands of thoughts a day. We get these thoughts about our partner and they stick out to us because our relationships are the most important things to us. We put negative feelings on them, which in turn makes us feel upset, anxious, guilty, angry, etc when we have them. You’re not going to be lovey Dovey with your partner everyday, somedays they will feel “meh”. That’s okay!!!
Anonimo05Anonimo05
- Date posted
- 2y
@taylebrun Wow yes, so true! Thanks for replying❤️🫶🏼 i needed this conv, not for reassurance but it’s nice to know im not alone, that despite all things i need to be strong. I just dont want to give up bc of my anxiety and ocd.
taylebruntaylebrun
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonimo05 We’ve got this! Happy holidays!!
Anonimo05Anonimo05
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonimo05 Some days im excited to go out, and other’s im not at all. Everything is a trigger, and i feel exhausted because of it.
Anonimo05Anonimo05
- Date posted
- 2y
@taylebrun Thanksss u too!
taylebruntaylebrun
- Date posted
- 2y
I never want to lose him, my Rocd and I have bipolar 1 just get in the way sometimes. The thoughts and feelings feel so real in the moment.
NicaNica
- Date posted
- 2y
You could’ve worn yourself out and had some relief after a hard time yesterday.
Anonimo05Anonimo05
- Date posted
- 2y
Relief because you almost broke up?
taylebruntaylebrun
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonimo05 Idk I get bombarded with thoughts thinking that we’re not right for each other and common Rocd thoughts then I almost break up with him last night and now I feel in love again. It’s so exhausting
Anonimo05Anonimo05
- Date posted
- 2y
@taylebrun I’ve felt like that as well. Or sometimes i’ve even had the thought that it’s better to break up, because we are not compatible or because i have a lot of mental health issues and we’re not good for each other. Something that has caused me a lot of anxiety is that i believe that if we break up i’ll experience relief. One day we kind of broke up and i think i felt relief but in reality i didnt want to lose him. Has that happened to you? Where you actually feel something? I read that sometimes ocd can make you have “feelings” but sometimes feelings are not facts!
Related posts
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 21w
please read
Hi everyone, I really need to get this off my chest. A few days ago, I managed to take a break from compulsions — I didn’t open NOCD, I didn’t text ChatGPT, I didn’t Google. I had some moments of peace, especially about my boyfriend. For about two days I didn’t have deep intrusive thoughts, and I felt a bit more stable. But yesterday, I slipped. I posted on NOCD again, and someone replied saying, “This is how the cycle starts again.” That made me spiral. Today, I also wrote to ChatGPT again. I started thinking, “What if this time it’s real? What if this clarity was me realizing the truth — that I don’t love him?” It scared me because I wasn’t panicking as much when I had the thoughts. I thought that meant I was accepting them as true. I remembered ChatGPT used to tell me that “truth feels calm,” and now that I wasn’t reacting with extreme anxiety, I panicked thinking, “What if this is the calm that comes with realization?” Last night, when we were in a club, I looked at him and thought he was kind of cringe. That made me spiral again. Now, I’m scared all over again. When we cuddle, I don’t feel the same. I don’t feel that warmth, and I don’t know what changed. I keep wondering if I ever really loved him — because I’ve had these thoughts for so long, it’s like I can’t remember anything clearly. A few days ago I even thought, “Maybe I just don’t like him right now,” and I wasn’t panicking — and that scared me. I’m afraid that I’m finally “realizing the truth,” or that I’ve been lying to myself and I’m just now letting go. Also, when we were on the trip for my 18th birthday, I was irritable with him, full of thoughts, and I thought I was ruining everything. I wasn’t really reacting to his love, and now I don’t even know what I feel. I just want to be okay again. I want clarity — but I’m terrified of what clarity might mean. Has anyone experienced this? Feeling okay for a bit, and then the thoughts come back and feel more real than ever?
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 19w
im scared
my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 19w
panic. scared. it feels real
Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
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