Hi everyone!

@m3ntalhealthw@rrior Wow yes!!!!!! I’ve always had anxiety, but now of course it’s a bit higher with ROCD and what I value the most. Anxiety also convinces you of many things like OCD!!! I’m just afraid of not fighting back at my thoughts, like if i just relax it might mean it’s all true.. i know i have to sit with them but im so use to saying NO NO NO in my head or avoiding the thoughts, images etc. i hope I soon feel better, and wake up one day and say hey i know this is ocd instead of freaking out and feeling like i need to break up.

@Anny1005 Yup i try that as well, but i get the thought that whenever im not experiencing that much anxiety and im doing something without my bf then it must mean something like oh he’s the one causing the anxiety. And i start panicking that im not anxious sometimes when doing something that doesn’t involve him. Like watching youtube for example, as soon as i start the video and im not with a lot of anxiety i start thinking oh but i feel anxious with him, and the break up urges come in!

@Anonimo05 Sounds a bit like a backdoor spike. That as soon as you are not anxious you think something is wrong.

@ROCDmensch Yes, or if im doing something by myself and im not that anxious but when i start talking to my bf i start freaking out again because of the thoughts of me getting anxious with him, so before i get anxious i get the thought and boom i get anxious by thinking im going to be anxious while with him lol

@Anonimo05 Yes it's a spiral you are in I know all to well. One advice: once you get that anxious feeling again tell yourself "that's my OCD speaking", label it as such and realise it's not your boyfriend that is making you anxious it's OCD. It's also important to notice that your OCD is not you. You can chose to not engage with it and what is asking you to do. Say out loud "I notice that you are here again but I chose to not interact with you" and then proceed with whatever you are doing. Sometimes you have to redirect your thoughts a lot of times, but try to stick with it.

@ROCDmensch Thanks for the advice, i find it hard to just sit with my thoughts without thinking i really have to break up because of my mistakes. So i feel like my case is unique because ocd has evidence from the past that i dont love my partner. Like oh what if you are just using him, or you just dont want to hurt him and be alone etc. it’s so hard sometimes i look at him and my mistakes pass through my mind all day.

@Anonimo05 It's you OCD wanting 100% certainty from you. It wants to know if you are 100% a good partner and if you always have been and always will be. Well that's something nobody knows and no one can judge with certainty. I always try to tell myself that it's not like I'm in court and a judge decided whether I'm allowed to be with my boyfriend or not. But when you give your OCD so much room and voice it almost seems as if you are in court. BUT...you are in charge not ocd! You don't have to break up. Sure, you might have done mistakes that's human though and thinking about something that happened in the past won't change anything about now. Everytime your mind goes back to those past events, tell yourself "it's my OCD telling me to figure it out. But I don't have to figure it out and I will not go deeper into this thought right now"

@ROCDmensch I appreciate your comment so much, sometimes we get so distracted by OCD that we forget of other things around us. I feel like im just surviving day by day. When in that spiral it’s very hard to get out, one of my biggest fearful thought is “what if i stay with him and we move together and feel anxious all the time, or remember the past all the time” it prevents me from actually getting better, forgiving myself, accepting the love from my partner and loving him back ❤️ I’m glad other’s can share info just like you, and help us find clarity even if it’s just a small amount.

@ROCDmensch i also struggle with connection, i feel like because of the thoughts i’ve disconnected myself from the world in general so it’s really difficult, because i’ve always believed you must feel connected, all the time if not then it might mean something…. Same when being intimate, almost as if i didn’t want to 🫠 knowing my head has convinced me of many 💩 it just never stops thought after thought, whenever im like ok i got this OCD is like oh no no you don’t boom other thought 🙂 literally convinced of how undeserving of his love i am.

@ROCDmensch Hi, it’s been a while! How are you doing?

@Anonimo05 Hey, I'm fine :) how are you?

@ROCDmensch Good and bad days. But came to the realization after all this time, that we gotta do things anyways, even when we have those thoughts, go out, enjoy, go on that plan vacation etc. But definitely not the way i was a year or two ago.