Daydream OCD and Rumination as a Compulsion

I find myself constantly slipping into thoughts throughout the day involving stressful events that make me look bad - often surrounding family conflict (i.e. I go into the kitchen and a scenario regarding a family member criticizing me for leaving dishes on the counter when I had only momentarily left the room with the intention of putting them away on my return) or out in the world (I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user & I imagine someone sees me running to help someone then publicly decries me for faking a disability which then spreads on social media). Another common one is being put on trial. These “daydreams” are involuntary - they’re *may* be an initial “what if” intrusive thought but it’s not until the daydream reaches a boiling point of distress/humiliation (I’m defending my dish-loading habits, or penning my public statement about ambulatory wheelchair users which now some arrogant talking head is disputing on live tv) that I even REALIZE I’m doing it. Then, I tic. Tics are physical, verbal or both. I found Dr Michael Greenberg’s illuminating distinction that rumination is a compulsion validating for my more classic pure ocd (ie, what if I’m gay, then instead of willfully, analytically engaging with that thought I don’t engage and just do nothing) but when it comes to these “daydreams” I’m left feeling even more confused. The daydream could be considered a ”live-action, long-form intrusive thought”. (I coined that term, haha). In which case the cure is doing nothing. That hasn’t helped. The daydream could be considered a “mindless, subconscious analytical rumination” in which case the cure is to stop. How can you stop something you’re not even aware you’re doing? And when I’m aware, I do stop. That hasn’t helped. A therapist from years ago would make me play these “daydreams” out from start to finish; I’m guessing this is similar to habituation. Behavior-focused therapies like ERP have worked wonders for all my other OCD subtypes from contamination to checking - but I have not cracked the code on these. I can have these daydreams several times a minute and tic a few dozen times an hour. I can become consciously aware of them, stop, then unconsciously slip back in in a matter of moments. Note: I’m not hearing voices or hallucinating. My current therapist and I agree I’ve internalized the judgmental family dynamic from past to present along with the perfect storm of being housebound with them with an invisible illness. In other words: fear of judgment is driving my OCD and my current situation is fanning the flames. Has anyone experienced a similar phenomenon, or has had success with behavior-focused interventions or perhaps gone deeper psychologically? Also - I realize everyone slips away into daydreams from time to time. This is not that, I promise. It’s chronic. Please be kind and non-judgmental :) This is a super triggering subject for me. Thanks!

MIch1990

Date posted: 2y

I do the exact same thing. I haven’t seen anyone talk about it before. I always thought it was just daydreaming, now that I’m diagnosed and understand it, I realize it not something everyone does

Roseptlss

Date posted: 23w

Persistent Intrusive thoughts about past actions

Hi Everyone! I hope whoever is reading this is having a good day so far :) So for years now I’ve had very bad intrusive thoughts about things that I have done or embarrassing things that I’ve said or have happened and it’s mortifying and debilitating on a daily basis. Specifically these thoughts are mainly things that have occurred from 2018-2020 and some are more simple just as a stupid joke I made or being way too loud on calls while my family was trying to sleep and others being way more complex such as past relationships and how I’ve hurt some of the people I care the most about and when I have acted on intrusive thoughts and these thoughts will appear with no triggers at all I’ll just wake up and already have something I did just nagging me. I don’t want to live like this anymore and I’ve tried working through it with self compassion but sometimes the things I said or did back then it’s very hard to forgive myself for and I’ll reminisce on it for hours on hours, gaslight myself into believing that’s not how it happened and try to change the memory itself, or just suppress it entirely. I know those habits aren’t healthy and truly I want to get better but I don’t know how to overcome some of these thoughts. I have talked to my fiancé about this a few times and even today we talked about it and he fully supports me and is helping me work through it. I might also contact my sister too, I don’t talk to her overly too much but ever since I was little she’s thought I’ve had ocd and was one of the people who made me consider that I might have it (I’m still undiagnosed but I’ll try to when I have the money and time) and I know she could maybe provide some insight. Another thing that is troublesome about the situation is my other family members specifically my mom aren’t the most helpful and can trigger thoughts. To put it in perspective on how her thought process is and some background info she is an ER nurse and has been for 30 years due to this she believes she knows mainly everything there is about mental health and she gets extremely upset when I don’t take her advice or set boundaries. She’ll force me to talk to her about my problems and when I don’t want to she’ll pin me in a corner where I’m forced to and last summer I had a really bad episode and was really overstimulated and I just finished taking a shower and due to the water on me, my hair being wet (my hair is naturally curly and it takes forever to dry and it’s very draining taking care of even with a keratin treatment) and all the intrusive thoughts I was having and she forced me to talk to her and I did open up for the first time about my thoughts and brought up how sometimes I have thoughts of hurting my animals and it makes me physically sick. Her response to this was threatening to call the cops on me saying it was a behavioral thing and I was doing it for attention. I have never hurt any of my animals but later that day my cat came into my room and a few minutes later she comes up just gives me the death stare and after a few seconds just asks me “are you going to go kill snickers?” In the most condescending tone and she’s always like this daily where she’ll force advice onto me or get upset and yell and then reinforce thoughts I’m having. I just want to know first how to stop the thoughts from so frequently and how to heal in an environmental where it keeps reopening wounds despite trying to place boundaries? I’m sorry this is really long I usually do go really in detail about things and it’s just how I’ve always been. If anyone has any questions feel free to ask and I’ll answer them to the best of my ability. I really appreciate the time you took to read this and thank you for your help! 🥰

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

Help🤍

Guys, I would like help with maladaptive daydreaming and impulsivity. What would both be in OCD? I've always had daydreams. But it was something I did because I liked creating stories. But recently I've noticed that sometimes when I'm stressed, if I think about a situation, it feels like I'm going to imagine it or want to imagine it. When I say don't do it, it feels like it's basically going to happen. I talked here the other day about what if I try to create a compulsion to get out of my subject? Yesterday I was so anxious and I did this counting thing. Then it came to my mind, "put something like, if you don't do this, someone will suffer harm." And I don't want that. And I don't even want to create this compulsion because I would know that it would be worse because I would never risk it. But the thing is, even though I had a clear idea, it seemed like I was going to do it. I just wouldn't let it happen. Is that daydreaming? Is that impulsiveness? This has happened to my OCD theme before. But I had the feeling that I wasn't taking things seriously. That I was being childish. But I don't do it on purpose, it seems like I can't get out of the habit. Thanks for the help!

ocdonedidily1

Date posted: 20w

Perfectionism OCD and rumination

There’s this one situation that I haven’t stopped thinking about from last night . So basically, I was reading 'The power of Now' which is a book that I love so much and really got me into spirituality. It’s been so helpful for my OCD and rumination but it’s also been pretty triggering for it as of late, so I’ve taken a long break from consistently reading it. The excerpt I read was about abundance and how its not about being bountiful, necessarily in material things but realizing and being grateful for the things that exist in your life now and in doing so, you will open yourself up to more good things. I understood it but I re-read it a lot because I didn't feel confident enough to explain it to someone else. but otherwise I LOVED IT. It made me feel so at peace, I agreed with it, and it gave me hope to start focusing on the good things in my life rather than the bad. So when I went to bed I rehearsed myself explaining it to someone on a podcast and then all these questions started flooding in like “why should I only focus on the good and aren't we supposed to accept the good and bad? Aren’t those the values of Buddha and spirituality” “Ya, we're supposed to accept the good and the bad but why?- so we can feel more good??? And isn't the point of OCD to not label things as good and bad? and why should I focus on the good- so I can feel good? why should I feel good? because I'm worthy of it? why am I worthy of it? because I'm a good person and do good things? well I’ve also done bad things so why shouldn't I consider that. I just don’t understand why I should feel good without it being selfish. And then this went on for like 2 or 3 hours. Like holy shit. I over explain these ideas and concepts that I resonate with to the point where they don't even make sense to me anymore. It becomes very existensial very quick. And I’m not suicidal but these questions make me feel hopeless in society for some reason?? And myself. Like if everything contradicts everything then what’s the point to life? If nothing can be understood or explained in a senseful way, then how do people move forward and make decisions, like AT ALL? There’s never a right or perfect answer and I feel like with any decision I make in regards, I’m doing a compulsion either way. If I don’t answer them, then I’m avoiding it and if I do then I’m checking and seeking reassurance. I’m sorry if this was way too long and over-explained I just need some advice or to know if anyone can relate in any way. Also, I’m sorry if some of those back-to-back questions were triggering.

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Daydream OCD and Rumination as a Compulsion

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