Soo twitches sorry really triggered me!!! Now I just keep trying to avoid any post about him, idk if that’s the best thing though, maybe that’s what’s making it worse? I know I just have to accept the thoughts but it’s soo scary
I keep reading every article also .
I’ve struggled massively with this. This is my theme and has been for around 10 years. Currently having a relapse that started in October but since the Twitch story I’ve feel like I’ve gone back further and further down the ocd rabbit hole. It the videos of him with his family and wife that got me. As I have 2 little boys and I always think it’s just not something people with a loving family do. So in my head I’ve felt a level of protection as I use that a reassurance. I always tell myself the love for my boys and family means I will never do it. I feel anxious and sick to my stomach. Constantly on the verge of tears and the thoughts are coming thick and fast. Feel like my brain is constantly telling me that I have accepted that this is my fate and I just want to shout no no no no!!
I talk with my therapist about this , and for exposure I had to read the articles about his suicide , was hard but I did it. Are brain is a liar . Stay strong!!
I swear sometimes I just forget everything I learned in erp sometimes
I been feeling the same 😔 every time I see an article about twitches , ocd is really scary
@Anonymous Yeah same, I was doing soo good too but that just really triggered me
I was felling good until I saw that on fb 😔😔
@Anonymous Me too
It is so triggering for me as well and this isn’t even my current theme. However ever since the news came out i find myself keep reading and keep reading even though i don’t really want to know. All the comments I’ve been reading are about how people can hide it very well considering he was so happy. This one comment i read said something like “it’s always the happiest people that are depressed”. And now my brain is going a million miles a minute. Like i consider myself to be a happy person. I don’t consider myself depressed. So you’re telling that when I’m happy i could be secretly hiding the fact that I’m not happy. It’s so triggering 😔
@Anon17 I know this has been me lately
@Anon17 i totally relate to this
I'm even scare when I get sad , because my brain tells me I'm depressed , and the suicidal thoughts appear
@Anonymous That’s what I’m going thru, but I just keep trying to sit with the uncertainty but I also keep doing mental compulsions, like comparing myself to him, we have to resist those compulsions
@Anonymous I also compare myself with him o anyone who committed suicide, I send a big hug . Stay strong
I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…
I sometimes see posts on here of people saying their OCD fears becoming true and it’s so so triggering for me. It makes me question if I ever had OCD and if I’m just faking it. I’ve tried to accept that my fear was real. Okay? Before I knew this was OCD, I really TRIED to accept it as a part of myself because I figured if I was even having those thoughts, it must be true. But in reality it just made me feel worse in the end. It wasn’t until several hours/few days after accepting the thoughts as true did I realize they were not and how uncomfortable it made me identifying with them that way, so eventually I went back into the rumination cycle. And I’ve done this multiple times. No matter how much I’ve accepted it as real, I never come to a conclusion in the end and I just get 10x more miserable. And I am still so scared of my fear coming true as those peoples did. But I know that’s what we all fear, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. And with a new fear I just developed, (all in the realm of the same theme) I’ve also tried to accept it as real when I felt SUPER convinced and even though it felt excruciatingly real, there was a part of me that couldn’t fully believe it, because I just know viscerally that it’s not. But the feeling of it being real is just too powerful and it overmastered any ounce of insight I had left. It wasn’t until my OCD spike calmed down when I was able to see through the viel. I hate this. I have no desire to do anything that my thoughts tell me. I know what I want to be, want to do, and it’s the opposite of those OCD thoughts. But these triggering posts won’t leave. (Not really the publishers fault, it’s my ritual that I engage in). They make me come all back to square one (if I wasn’t there already) and question if I’m using this as an excuse. I don’t want to do what my OCD tells me to do, but my brain just spits, “you’re just convincing yourself you don’t want this!” as it so often now does. I’m so tired. Please give me my old self back. Please give me 100% certainty that none of this is real and my fears are not at all based in reality. My brain cannot accept uncertainty and will not leave me alone. My brain is raged and powerless without knowing why, and spiels that anger back on me to get a reaction, and when it gets what it wants, the cycle continues. And goes way longer than I had bargained for :(
(Trigger warning) So recently I’ve caught myself being more content with these thoughts…and due to the fact of me not freaking out is making me freak out because I also have this weird little birdy in my thoughts that just say “do it” I’m not sure if I’m the only one and I’m ofc scared of that but please tell me this is normal…I can’t even cuddle my boyfriend or anything right now.
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