Soo twitches sorry really triggered me!!! Now I just keep trying to avoid any post about him, idk if that’s the best thing though, maybe that’s what’s making it worse? I know I just have to accept the thoughts but it’s soo scary
I keep reading every article also .
I’ve struggled massively with this. This is my theme and has been for around 10 years. Currently having a relapse that started in October but since the Twitch story I’ve feel like I’ve gone back further and further down the ocd rabbit hole. It the videos of him with his family and wife that got me. As I have 2 little boys and I always think it’s just not something people with a loving family do. So in my head I’ve felt a level of protection as I use that a reassurance. I always tell myself the love for my boys and family means I will never do it. I feel anxious and sick to my stomach. Constantly on the verge of tears and the thoughts are coming thick and fast. Feel like my brain is constantly telling me that I have accepted that this is my fate and I just want to shout no no no no!!
I talk with my therapist about this , and for exposure I had to read the articles about his suicide , was hard but I did it. Are brain is a liar . Stay strong!!
I swear sometimes I just forget everything I learned in erp sometimes
I been feeling the same 😔 every time I see an article about twitches , ocd is really scary
@Anonymous Yeah same, I was doing soo good too but that just really triggered me
I was felling good until I saw that on fb 😔😔
@Anonymous Me too
It is so triggering for me as well and this isn’t even my current theme. However ever since the news came out i find myself keep reading and keep reading even though i don’t really want to know. All the comments I’ve been reading are about how people can hide it very well considering he was so happy. This one comment i read said something like “it’s always the happiest people that are depressed”. And now my brain is going a million miles a minute. Like i consider myself to be a happy person. I don’t consider myself depressed. So you’re telling that when I’m happy i could be secretly hiding the fact that I’m not happy. It’s so triggering 😔
@Anon17 I know this has been me lately
@Anon17 i totally relate to this
I'm even scare when I get sad , because my brain tells me I'm depressed , and the suicidal thoughts appear
@Anonymous That’s what I’m going thru, but I just keep trying to sit with the uncertainty but I also keep doing mental compulsions, like comparing myself to him, we have to resist those compulsions
@Anonymous I also compare myself with him o anyone who committed suicide, I send a big hug . Stay strong
TW rant: suicidal OCD So this has been my major theme for the past year since my onset started. For clarification: I just have suicidal OCD, I’m not actually suicidal Incase there’s confusion about that. Anyways, I am so SICK of hearing about the topic of suicide which seems to be everywhere. You hear a story on the news that some celebrity did it, or other stories that people they knew did it or they themselves attempted it. You hear that people with mental illnesses or those who went through trauma or just being a middle aged white man have higher risks of suicide. On my explore page on Instagram, thanks to the OCD support pages I follow, I get suggested posts about other mental health related things and there’s usually posts about “signs of suicidal people” or whatnot. I’m soooo sick of it. Having suicidal OCD has been extremely hard and scary to have. It seems like anything is a trigger and the unwanted thoughts of it keep popping up (as OCD normally does). A lot of the time it’s aimed toward myself, but a big chunk of it is aimed toward my loved ones, like what if they decided to commit suicide? If I haven’t seen a family member in a little while (they’re chilling in their room or whatever) I get scared they might have killed themselves so I feel the compulsion to check on them, ask if they’re okay and happy etc. But it’s mostly at myself and I hate it so much. I think overall, whether this attack is aimed toward myself or others, it just absolutely terrifies me that anyone could just decided to do it and then just do it? It’s not like fearing a murderer coming to your house or an outside threat, but you’re the threat! And you can’t seem to protect your loved ones from it! I get these fears that I’ll become depressed (I’m not depressed) and eventually desire it or that I’ll spiral from fear and pain and eventually desire it, or that it’ll be like the movie Bird Box where the people in it (after seeing the monster) seemed to go on autopilot and killed themselves. I can’t even see words like “committed” or “attempted” without having my stomach jump. I struggle to get things out of my closet since having an open closet is even a trigger for fear. I just wish suicide never existed, I wish it wasn’t a thing, I wish I’d never think about it, I wish i could move on from this intense fear. (Disclaimer: I’m doing ERP for this and compared to before have been progress, but on my spike days it’s just so frustrating) Thanks for listening 😩
The depressive symptoms on top of rumination is so disheartening. I suffer from suicidal ocd. It’s one of my biggest themes. Every since I heard the news about Twitch from the Ellen Show, I’ve been triggered. Definitely thought of myself and I hate having these thoughts!!!
I hate that ocd not only latches onto people/things you love. But I hate how easily triggered it can make you and compare yourself to actual scary/bad people. TikTok has been such a big trigger of mine because I keep seeing crime cases, people harming people/younger ppl, and my most recent trigger someone potentially harming their pet. When I see all these things my brain tries to make connections to my past actions/things I said/ etc to try to find connections to how I’m also bad like them and I should just end it all before I truly end up evil. It scares me I don’t want to be an evil person or bad or worse things. I’m not like those people but my brain says other wise. How do I combat this? I can’t stop thinking about my latest trigger because I feel like it’s an old theme resurfacing and I’m so scared-please advice? Explanations? Why does this disorder exist?
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