SOS function helped me

I’ve been struggling pretty bad the last few days but yesterday, I decided to refuse compulsions, though I’ll admit, I had slip ups of little self reassurances. It’s like they come to me naturally or automatically because I’ve done it so much. That’ll take some time I guess. Lol But, after I suffered through hours and hours of intense anxiety and tried to allow it to be background noise (which was super loud so it didn’t always feel like background noise) rather than front and center, I felt this crazy release and was able to do something I wasn’t able to do all day—namely, be around and enjoy someone without any fear. The clarity did come. I was so thankful to Jesus. Today has been a better day but I started struggling really bad again to where I feel that magnetic pull to compulsively pray and get reassurance from God and everyone else so I decided to try the SOS app. It did help me to get grounded and focused. I actually focused on the thought I was having and oddly felt relief from just being like “I don’t know and I don’t really have to know. I’ll just wait it out and wait for clarity.” I never ever thought I could feel relief from just being like “who knows?” Uncertainty literally scares the daylight out of me and makes everything feel a thousand times more real!! I mean, I still feel/felt anxiety but in a much more manageable way because I just allowed it to be there and felt like, “who knows?” Hoping this helps someone. I know this is so hard on all of us. I am praying for all of you. We can do this.

Minde

User type: Staff

Date posted: 2y

So proud of you!! :)

cprock17

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I too have spiritual ocd and I’m scared that if I sit in the “who knows” uncertainty it will be a lack of faith. Any words of encouragement?

Brigitte

Date posted: 2y

@cprock17 I think, at least for me, that sitting in the “who knows” means we are submitting to our fears as if they’re true and it’s caused a lot of distress because if I say these things could be true, it is a reflection of me or God. I think it’s more of a mindset you have to have rather than a “this is true”. Just a commitment to not “figure it out” and to wait it out. I try to tell myself that this thought could be OCD (deep down I know it is) and I won’t be able to grasp any truth about it by doing compulsions—at least not long term. Try to allow the anxiety to be there and just notice all the feelings you’re having. Maybe even say all the symptoms you’re experiencing to yourself. Because of the anxiety, you’ll want to do a compulsion to reassure yourself because the anxiety itself is what’s making it all seem so true. Tell yourself you’ll not be able to grasp any clarity through the anxiety and that it’s ok to let the anxiety run it’s course. The longer you do it, the harder it’ll be, but you have to be persistent. I’m still learning myself so it’s definitely been super challenging. I ended up caving a little while ago because it got so bad but it’s just a hiccup and I’ll keep trying and trying. What I did learn last night, though, is that clarity we are all longing for and typically only get for a very short amount of time when doing compulsions, comes naturally after going through the panic and anxiety of living in the unknown. It blew my mind that it came naturally rather than from a compulsion. It’ll definitely take us time. I hope this helps in some way. I pray you get the relief you are seeking by doing this VERY hard journey to recovery. ❤️

mariahlexie

Date posted: 19w

Trying to deal with compulsions

Sorry, I know I keep posting on here but it’s like a diary for me. The people on here seem to be the only people that understand what I’m going through. With my obsession about death, the afterlife, and whether or not there is a God, I’ve been going crazy with the compulsions lately. My brain keeps saying things like “If [insert random insignificant event, ex: a red car drives by] within the next 30 seconds, it‘s a sign from God that he is real.” Or there’s the ruminating, where I try to comfort myself by saying that there has to be a God, and that we have to have a greater purpose, and I’ll think about it for hours. I know it’s illogical and ridiculous but regardless it’s absolutely dreadful to feel this way. I have hope after seeing some people say they’ve learned to cope with and have recovered from that feeling of existential dread and the compulsions that can come with it and still be able to find joy in their lives. I hope that soon I can find that joy again. The past three days I’ve lived in a constant state of anxiety and misery. I’ve completely lost my appetite and I physically have to force myself to eat (and I’m a big binge eater that only recently went into recovery for BED so that’s saying a LOT.) The only time I feel at peace is literally when I’m sleeping, or those rare fleeting moments where I somehow am not thinking about it. I haven’t really felt any emotions in depth except for this feeling of utter hopelessness. I hope I can move past this, find comfort in restoring my relationship with religion again without using it as a compulsion, and just live my life accepting that there are some things we’ll simply never know without letting it ruin my life.

Julian2006

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w

A little reminder!

I hope everyone is holding up okay! I’ve been seeing a lot of scared posts and whatnot lately, so I just wanted to make this post to remind ourselves to practice our uncertainty! I want to share a few response prevention lines that help me calm down! My thoughts do not define who I am. Maybe I’m a bad person, maybe I’m not, but I have a lot of things I need to do now. I’m going to practice not knowing for sure. I don’t have to solve this problem. I am choosing to sit with this uncomfortableness!

mariahlexie

Date posted: 16w

Thank you all for your support

I am FINALLY starting to (somewhat) recover from this last existential spiral, which admittedly, was probably the cruelest my OCD has ever been to me. Only thanks to you all. You were all able to provide me with kindness, understanding and support… without the kind of reassurance that feeds OCD, of course. When I downloaded this app, I was genuinely terrified. I was so scared that I was permanently doomed to the endless whirlpool that is the thoughts produced by my own brain and that life as I knew it was over, that I would never be happy again. For anyone who might be feeling that way right now, your OCD is LYING to you! Whatever you may be going through, it CAN get better. As hard as it may be right now, HAVE FAITH! Get up and do that thing you want to do in spite of the fear and discomfort. Take the fear with you like a whiny, unwilling toddler and do it anyway. Watch the movie, read the book, order that takeout you’ve been craving, bake the cake, wash the dishes… Please do it anyway! It will be hard at first, I won’t lie. But the OCD part of your brain, like a toxic partner, WANTS to win. It wants you to give up on those things that you love, all those things that make you happy so that there’s no space for anything but itself. Don’t let it win. The more you push yourself, the more you rewire your brain to realize that as much as it may feel like, the obsession doesn’t matter! Thanks to you all, even without therapy (YET - I’m starting that journey on Tuesday because there’s still a lot to unpack, and I know that OCD won’t just magically go away), I was able to get a basic understanding of ERP and learning to sit with discomfort and how to live life in spite of it, rather than letting it take over my very being. So for that, I thank this community. I think I would be in a very different place right now if it weren’t for the people I’ve met here who truly understood my experiences. I hope you have a wonderful day. Please don’t give up. You deserve to be happy, no matter what your brain is telling you ❤️

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