New fears
Things really won't get better, I keep getting new fears to obsess over. My newest one is that everybody is pretending I'm normal while they secretly think I belong in prison. It's destroying me, I feel like a fraud who doesn't deserve anything. I can't keep living like this! If nothing changes by April of next year I'm scared I might kill myself
It is not true. It is the OCD. It is very hard to remember in the moment but it will pass like the rest of the other obsessions. You cannot mind read and you have no idea what they are thinking. Here’s a tip: record your thoughts. Listen to it to externalize it and you will recognize that loop throughout your day. And when you hear it just remember it is that externalized voice that is the OCD- and it is looping in your brain. It is not you. (exposure therapy)
Remember, ocd will always latch onto something. So when one obsession quits bothering you, it’ll latch on to something new. I know it’s annoying. It’s like ocd has phases of what it latches too or is triggered by. Don’t let ocd lead you to suicidal thoughts! You are ok. I would recommend therapy if you haven’t tried it. Especially since you are struggling so bad. And rely on God! He is the very best and most important One in our lives. Prayers for you. Don’t give up!
You seem extremely disturbed. You’re letting the OCD win. These new fears should almost comfort you bc it’s a sign that what you’re dealing with is simply OCD — not reality. That’s what OCD does. It goes from one fear/theme to the next. You need to have faith in who you are and who you want to be one day. To me, it seems like you have no faith in yourself whatsoever. Believe in yourself. You got this.
Have you tried ERP therapy? It's helped me with my suicidal OCD obsessions tremendously.
I just feel so hopeless today and these last few days. Slightly suicidal too. I just feel like it’ll never change. I can’t let go of my fear of being a narcissist because that’s all I have. If I fear it, it can’t be true. But as a consequence, I’m so fucking unhappy. I hate so many traits and thoughts I have. But I have to hate them, otherwise I’m MORE bad. I just feel so alone and lost. With most ocd fears, I know they’re untrue. But when I genuinely do have some bad traits that seem like such proof I am a narcissist, even though I’m not, what do I do? I don’t want bad traits. I just want to be good and friendly and kind and happy. That’s all I want. I want to give love and receive it. But I just feel like that’ll never happen. I’m so lost.
I have a terrible fear of going crazy. This is a new obsession for me and this time i feel like i really can't deal with it. It feels like i am really crazy. Like i'm alone in the world, like i start to lose my memory. I fear that i will do something bad and won't remember anymore and things like that. At the same time, i feel guilt, shame, i fear that i'm prettending, that i'm just dramatic. It's unbearable, i don't know what i did to deserve this.
At this point I’m pretty sure I’m psychotic. I have intrusive thoughts all day long of me doing a bunch of things that I never and will never do. Images of me poking out my own eyes in all sorts of other horrific things that will have to do with self mutilation. These images have been haunting me for two years with the persisting fear that I will act out on these things one day despite me never wanting to do so. Now on top of these thoughts I am dealing with something else. I keep thinking about the fact that there’s no escape from life other than death and it makes me feel scared and trapped. I can’t stop thinking about this that there’s no escape. It’s scaring me. I want to live I have no desire to die but once I get the intrusive thought about not being able to escape this life is scaring me. I believe I’m going through depersonalization because nothing feels right my surroundings feel unfamiliar I feel unfamiliar. I feel like an alien in a place that seems unknown to me. This all started after I had a panic attack in the shower three weeks ago over my intrusive harm thoughts and in the moment I actually thought that my life was over and that I was about to act out on it but of course I didn’t because it’s just a thought and an obsessive fear. Something I would never do but it felt so real in that momentI almost passed out from the fear. The day after that I felt like nothing was real and I’m still in depersonalization and having panic attacks on the regular but today I got that thought about not being able to escape life and how we’re basically all trapped here. I can’t stop thinking it and it’s making me feel sick. Maybe if I Felt more connected to myself and my surroundings stuff like this wouldn’t bother me but that panic attack destroyed me. Does this sound like OCD or something else?I was completely normal and fine three weeks ago yes I had my intrusive thoughts but they weren’t scaring me or controlling me like they are now.
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