I don’t want any reassurance just expressing myself… Knowing that you’ve caused damage in your relationship and feeling guilty for stressing your partner out has got to be one of the worst feelings. Knowing that they could easily be with someone else not going through these issues with but then choosing to be with you brings in nothing but shame and guilt.
I've rocd and for the last two weeks have been panicking and just feeling depressed because there's a lack of pure love all the time when I think or talk to her and last night she told me she's been doing research and reading books on rocd because she wants to learn about it for me and I started panicking again because i didn't feel like I was having a feeling of enough pure love after she told me
@Charlie I feel your pain homie, hang in there. If anybody understands it’s me, we live uncertain times.
@Iamnotmyocd I'm gonna see her this week and idk how to take it i want to see her but ik ill be analysing my feelings and ill feel guilty and idk whether or not to kiss her
@Charlie The uncertainty is really tough to deal with but I can tell that even in my doubts I have faith that on the other side of facing the uncertainty is freedom. Hang in there homie.
Mhm. I’m here with ya
I know. I hate making people freak out or cry or uncomfortable. I make me pets and family uncomfortable now bc I’ve relapsed and getting worse. And now I have a bf for the first time and I think I should get my tubes tied bc I don’t want that grief in my life of having a child like this in life in this type of environment. And I feel bad when people get impatient and blame me and call me a narcissist and how I’m using them for clout or playing the victim and how they’re being nasty bc they think I’m nasty. But it’s not my first rodeo so I know who I am now and I know my own experiences. I know you’re not supposed to reassure yourself but idk what else to do and it’s all I know how to cope with the situation bc people and the environment are so difficult.
@Anonymous Thanks for sharing your story, I know how hard it is trust me and I know all the pain that comes with it. I also believe in ERP and believe that if I work hard at it I will beat this and I think you can do the same.
Worse thing about ROCD is the guilt in knowing your partner deserves so much better than someone constantly in doubt about things. That's the real torture for me.
I hate that I dread spending time with my partner! I get so anxious that I might lose feelings when we spend time together or that I will say I want to break up or something. Most of the time it feels like ROCD but sometimes it doesn't and its so scary. Then if it isn't that, I obsess over all the mistakes I have made so I feel guilty and like a secret abuser which makes the relationship hard to enjoy too! Does anyone else dread being around their partner because of all the damage ROCD has done or is doing?
Does anybody have any tips on how to manage deserved guilt and OCD at the same time? I actually carried out some awful actions in my relationship 3 1/2-4 years ago and absolutely deserve to feel guilt and shame. But now my gf says it’s time for me to move on, I’ve punished myself enough, that I deserve to be happy, etc. I disagree and feel like I deserve everything I’m feeling, and will forever. Opinions on the internet have solidified this for me (most people’s opinion about my event online seems to be that I deserve to think about what I did for the rest of my life, that I don’t deserve love, that my gf should leave me, etc.). I’m scared to go against those opinions. Sorry for rambling, I’m just so stuck between trying to move on for my girlfriends sake and rehashing the past every day to try and understand/fix my faults. Any advice would be appreciated.
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