I don’t want any reassurance just expressing myself… Knowing that you’ve caused damage in your relationship and feeling guilty for stressing your partner out has got to be one of the worst feelings. Knowing that they could easily be with someone else not going through these issues with but then choosing to be with you brings in nothing but shame and guilt.
I've rocd and for the last two weeks have been panicking and just feeling depressed because there's a lack of pure love all the time when I think or talk to her and last night she told me she's been doing research and reading books on rocd because she wants to learn about it for me and I started panicking again because i didn't feel like I was having a feeling of enough pure love after she told me
@Charlie I feel your pain homie, hang in there. If anybody understands it’s me, we live uncertain times.
@Iamnotmyocd I'm gonna see her this week and idk how to take it i want to see her but ik ill be analysing my feelings and ill feel guilty and idk whether or not to kiss her
@Charlie The uncertainty is really tough to deal with but I can tell that even in my doubts I have faith that on the other side of facing the uncertainty is freedom. Hang in there homie.
Mhm. I’m here with ya
I know. I hate making people freak out or cry or uncomfortable. I make me pets and family uncomfortable now bc I’ve relapsed and getting worse. And now I have a bf for the first time and I think I should get my tubes tied bc I don’t want that grief in my life of having a child like this in life in this type of environment. And I feel bad when people get impatient and blame me and call me a narcissist and how I’m using them for clout or playing the victim and how they’re being nasty bc they think I’m nasty. But it’s not my first rodeo so I know who I am now and I know my own experiences. I know you’re not supposed to reassure yourself but idk what else to do and it’s all I know how to cope with the situation bc people and the environment are so difficult.
@Anonymous Thanks for sharing your story, I know how hard it is trust me and I know all the pain that comes with it. I also believe in ERP and believe that if I work hard at it I will beat this and I think you can do the same.
Hey guys looking for some help. I’m so sorry for the long post! Basically I’ve been eating myself alive with guilt and convinced I am a bad person and don’t deserve to be happy ? basically about 5 months ago my ex partner broke up with me. Some stuff had happened in her personal life her mother passed away suddenly and she had also just moved away for a new job - the plan was that I would move in a few months. I’ll be the first to admit prior to theses two events the relationship wasn’t perfect tiffs here and there but nothing major. I thought it was because of the distance to begin with during which time her mother died my partner then came back for a month during this time and understandably was not herself. After a month a bit she had returned to her new home and work. We were keeping up the long distance thing going over phone calls etc but it was hard. She returned for a night out for her bday which I got upset on after some drinks and her acting like she wasn’t really interested in me at all. I had felt like this for a while anyway and was having doubts about moving away. Anyway - about a week later once she had returned we got into an argument over the phone and she said she was sorry she just didn’t feel right anymore about things and was taking it out on me - due to the situation with her mum. She didn’t know how to feel about the relationship and that we would be better off apart - I attempted to salvage things over the phone and was devastated when she said she thought we should end it - she said various things about us not getting on anyway which I thought could be salvaged when I moved to where she was. However she said repeatedly over the phone it’s not going to work and threw in something from over a year ago when I had been drunk and said some things and acted like a dick. Wish I apologised deeply for but I had been upset in general at that time because of some things that she had said or acted when sober. She used this example in why she was breaking up with me. There have been instances where we both drank too much and have said things out of line however I just have this horrible guilt about what has happened each time we were drunk and feel now I don’t deserve to be happy because of my behaviour despite being supportive and willing to move everything for her. I am interested in someone else who I am so excited about and we just click! And I now fully recognise that me and my ex were not meant to be but how the hell do I shift the guilt and allow myself to feel a happy with this other person without thinking about past things said and done? Any help?
I hate that I dread spending time with my partner! I get so anxious that I might lose feelings when we spend time together or that I will say I want to break up or something. Most of the time it feels like ROCD but sometimes it doesn't and its so scary. Then if it isn't that, I obsess over all the mistakes I have made so I feel guilty and like a secret abuser which makes the relationship hard to enjoy too! Does anyone else dread being around their partner because of all the damage ROCD has done or is doing?
Does anybody have any tips on how to manage deserved guilt and OCD at the same time? I actually carried out some awful actions in my relationship 3 1/2-4 years ago and absolutely deserve to feel guilt and shame. But now my gf says it’s time for me to move on, I’ve punished myself enough, that I deserve to be happy, etc. I disagree and feel like I deserve everything I’m feeling, and will forever. Opinions on the internet have solidified this for me (most people’s opinion about my event online seems to be that I deserve to think about what I did for the rest of my life, that I don’t deserve love, that my gf should leave me, etc.). I’m scared to go against those opinions. Sorry for rambling, I’m just so stuck between trying to move on for my girlfriends sake and rehashing the past every day to try and understand/fix my faults. Any advice would be appreciated.
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