- Date posted
- 2y
Harm ocd š
Say if itās actually true? It feels like I know what it feels like to do that and that when I imagined it that I liked the feeling of doing that, it feels so real and Iām scared, I said to my mum what if itās the case that Iām a good person but I imagined how it would feel to do that horrible thing in the thought and now I like the feeling but have a conscious and she said āwhy would you like the feelingā and then I just start feeling hopeless and asking myself why does it feel like that?? Iām constantly crying but why does it feel so real that I ālike the feelingā of doing that, itās really scary, Iām miserable 24/7. Itās like before the intrusive thought weāre just horrible images of me doing something bad but now it feels like instead of thoughts itās a feeling? Like I have this what feels like a millisecond feeling where I have an intrusive feeling of what it would feel like to do that horrible thing? Is that possible? Has anyone else had that? But itās weird because these thoughts do give me anxiety and when they are trying to come on I get anxiety at the thought of having them and sometimes I pull these faces like scrunch my nose to try and ādeterā the thoughts, it does seem to work though because when I do that nose scrunch thing when a thought is trying to come on it helps me to detect the thought and I get alarmed so I donāt engage with it. How can I get anxiety over something but at them same time it really feel like I want to or liked the feeling of doing that? I was talking to my mum and we were saying maybe its not that I liked the feeling of doing that in the thought maybe its that because I imagined giving in to something thatās been bothering me for so long it felt like āi liked the feeling of doing thatā but obviously I donāt like it because Iām not a bad person so thatās why I start crying two seconds later but my head starts scaring me like I was trying to forget all about this and I was dancing to music, and the whole time Iām dancing I start having a debate in my head and then my head starts scaring me itās really latched onto this confused feeling of āI liked the feeling of imagining doing thatā and scares me in the middle of dancing, I started thinking āthings were so much better in the summerā āI wish it was summerā and then boom āimagined a scenario where itās hot and Iām agitated by the heat and I suddenly do that horrible thingā like what the hell?? āWhat if it feels like a relief to do thatā and I just stop dancing and start questioning myself and feeling like crap. When Iām feel bad I want to ask my mum for advice but while Iām sat there talking to her Iām worried Iām a danger or Iām having evil desires and itās just scary. Iām worried what if Iām young now (19) and Iām worried I liked the feeling of imagining doing that evil thing , what if this like the beginning of me turning into one of those evil people who have evil desires, I donāt know what to do im just lost and worried