- Date posted
- 2y
Following god, to help through this?
To the people who believe in god, (my family is orthodox Christian) but answers from all religions welcome, do you believe that god will be able to heal you completely of this? If you go down the route of therapy, they say that there’s no cure from this and you will most likely have to deal with this your whole life, but supposedly with god all things are possible? Although my family is religious I have never been a very religious person, but willing to try anything at this point, It’s not fair that I should be sentenced to deal with this crap my whole life, because it really is like a sentence, it feels like I’m being punished for no reason, I don’t see why I should be plagued with this problem my whole life, I never had this before, my life was fine before and from watching one stupid documentary about a serial killer it’s made my life go into turmoil, and it’s only gotten worse, it went from me thinking there just intrusive thoughts to me, now believing I like the feeling of doing that horrible thing because when I imagined it to test myself for some reason that’s what it felt like. So now before I use to be worried about acting on thoughts because they felt like an urge but now that idea is backed up with ‘you liked the feeling of doing that’ so I just don’t trust myself anymore and have been feeling awful. I can’t see myself being able to live with thinking in the back of my mind that I ‘like the feeling of suffocating someone’ that’s just awful and I can’t live with the fear that I will do that because now I like it. It’s just horrible. I think it’s possible that the thought felt so real and along with the anxiety it some how translated into ‘I like the feeling’ but now I’m genuinely believing that’s the case and feel like my life is over because I understood something I shouldn’t have and now I have evil desires. It’s weird because I don’t feel like myself anymore I don’t even know who I am but when I manage to distract myself from this I feel like me again and it’s like the old me is still here but I’ve just been traumatised to the point that I feel like I don’t even know who I am. I just want my life back