it all just feels real, the thoughts, feelings, urges… It feels like im capable of doing all of this :( I don’t want to be a bad person but it’s like my brain is saying otherwise. i just want this to stop already. i don’t want to hurt anybody.
i lost my sense of self. when i look back at myself before the pocd i remember that although life wasn’t great i was always just laughing and goofing around. now i feel like im in such a dark and gloomy headspace all the time. it’s draining.
@vivi04 i feel the exact same. like life wasn’t the best, but i tried to enjoy it atleast. i would laugh, go out, and it’s like now i don’t even know who i am, nothing is enjoyable no matter how hard i try. sometimes i can’t even look at myself because im convinced im this horrible person. thank u for sharing this with me, wish u the best.
Hey ! I’ve dealt with the same!! It made me feel like I « liked » my thoughts and I felt so terrible because it’s against all I believed my all life
@emnav this is also weird for me, because now when i try to think about my past self and how i felt about these horrible things my brain is telling me i agreed with it and had no problem with it, i lost myself i don’t know what’s real anymore
@cs223 I’ve had the exact exact same !! Like literally and I was so afraid because the guilt and the anxiety disappeared it was just horrible 🥺😥 I’m so sorry you’re going through this
@emnav exactly! it’s like when I WANT to have anxiety and guilt to prove that i don’t like these things, it’s like it doesn’t exist anymore. i miss life before ocd.
@cs223 SAME SAME omg !! It’s so scary and I’ve had false memories because for me it happened during a baby sitting 😥🥺 it’s so hard
@emnav I hate false memories, because before ocd i was very sure of my actions but it’s like now idek who i am
@emnav Did you have the fear about being happy about those thoughts ? It was sooo horrible for me
@cs223 Same same ! It convinced me of stuff that I haven’t done for sure 😥
@emnav if im understanding correctly then yes it’s happened to me, i still have a fear about if i “like” these thoughts or “want” them to happen. and it’s weird because when im not having a whole bunch of anxiety and my intrusive thoughts are at a low, i can firmly say it’s ocd and that these thoughts don’t make me happy, but then when my ocd acts up again i start to question “what if it’s not ocd” and then sometimes i get feelings or urges that don’t correlate with how i really feel. sorry if this was long but does that make sense?
@cs223 I didn’t feel exactly the same but for me it was more like really really weird thoughts that were literally against who I am and I not feeling the anxiety so in my head it was I don’t have ocd I just have another issue I really thought like I lost my mind it was a hell. But same without ocd I don’t get those thoughts like literally never, when I see a baby I just want his best and to protect him 😢😢
I struggle with this tremendously. I remember eating a holiday chocolate and enjoying it and then this dark feeling came over me like how the fuck can you be enjoying this with all the messed up stuff that's been going on in your head. I felt sick to my stomach and had to spit it out. Struggled eating the rest of that day.
So I was doing good for about 5 months. I was going to therapy, practicing the skills, and for about the past month, I fell into a depression funk. The last week, however, has been a week of really loud OCD. I am in a constant state of anxiety and find myself doing compulsions. I'm wondering if anyone has experienced what I'm about to describe. I'm considering taking myself to the hospital, but my little boy's birthday party is this weekend and I don't want to miss it: I keep having this bad feeling like I actually want to do the bad things in my mind. I know OCD intrusive thoughts can tell you "I want to" but this just seems different - maybe it's OCD trying to come at me a new way. It's not like thoughts telling me "I want" it's like even when I tell myself I don't want to do the bad stuff, there's this nagging feeling telling me I really want to. I'm scared.
I'm struggling with pocd it feels very real and I'm at a point where I feel I need to go to confess to the police stuff I know I haven't done but have false memories of doing and I feel like nobody thinks like this and very alone.
Im having weird scary pocd thoughts and i really hate them, i feel like theyre my own thoughts and im freaking out
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