My therapist just said something that absolutely triggered me and now I want to cry. She said that some of my thoughts may not be intrusive, if a thought makes me feel good then it means that I have to accept it so that the world can too. But my thoughts don't make me feel good, they make feel uncomfortable and distressed what the heck does that mean. She's great with helping you having a more positive mindset but I desperately need a cbt therapist right now

I would recommend you get another therapist. She probably doesn’t specialize in ocd. I think she’s trying her best but she doesn’t actually know what is going on. It’s ok she doesn’t know how you actually feel don’t be upset!!

@Afazz that's true, not matter how true the thoughts seem you get those incredibly distressing moments and you just want to scream TAKE THIS THING AWAY FROM ME, it's not freeing it's like being in forced to wear a dress you don't like idk if this makes sense loo

Oh no that’s so triggering. I think she was trying to say that if you enjoy a thought it’s not intrusive. I don’t think she was necessarily talking about you in general

No she was talking about my thoughts. I told her about a tocd thought and about my hocd thoughts and I think she thinks I have some kind of sexuality/gender dysphoria. I want to cry so hard and crawl in my mind. This is not helping me at all, I need help and I need it asap

That’s so triggering ughhh,,, it even triggered me into thinking the only reason I don’t like this is because I won’t be accepted and I’m in denial or something

She's great but she's not an ocd specialist. And at this point I'm truly tired. I wish my parents would listened to me the first time. I don't know what to do now. Trying to find a specialist now. This summer will go down the drain

@bella I know right!! Being in denial right now is what spikes me the most and that was a slap in the face

Yeah!! I saw a story where a trans person was in denial for so long so it’s like, what if I don’t even need to be uncomfortable in my body? What if I don’t even need to want it? I could be trans anyway :/

Well a lot of the time when people are in denial they know. They know their that way they just don’t want to admit it. Us on the other hand don’t want that we know we aren’t that way. We might have doubts because of ocd but we know we’re not that way. If that makes since?

I guess so. But reading that my ocd replicates it and makes it feel like I know I’m that way or something

Yeah I know but you also know you aren’t that way. Like deep down you don’t want to be that way and it doesn’t feel right so it’s not you! I know it’s not that easy to just say “it’s not me” but if you kind of know sometimes that helps

@Afazz yes it does :) it's not even knowing, gay people don't think about it they just act on it. They don't need time to become gay, they are lol. But ocd makes you feel like some kind of special case or whatever. Reassurance doesn't even reassure me anymore yet I need it

@Bella I read something like that too, but I feel it's just not realistic in a way. We don't need to go through life to know we are straight, trans people know so do gay poeple. But those things mess our minds up. Someone who actually is wouldn't even pay mind to it

Yeah ocd is a bitch, but gay people don’t even question it. Like before ocd we didn’t question if we were straight we just were! Ocd sucks lol

Lol*

Yeah I wouldn't question my attraction to boys I was happy that way. I experienced ocd and intrusive thoughts even before this episode of hocd, and that's was the only time I'd feel scared but it lasted a minute and I was back to normal

Yeah, ok, makes sense! It worries me slightly because as a female experiencing some discrimination or gender biases (also being objectified) makes it feel like I’m trans if I don’t want to be seen just for my body -_- isn’t that just ridiculous

@bella yeah I know exactly how you feel :) ocd takes advantages of those things. It's like when a boy tries to hit on you but you're not attracted and you refuse him and your mind goes like that's because you're gay, hell not. It's worse because as women we're objectified and that plays a role also on our self esteem and lack of self esteem drives ocd crazy. I was looking myself in the mirror and my mind went like "You're non binary" "you look like a masculine woman" "you're too ugly to be straight" and blah blah

Same!! Exactly OMG.. it’s also like, you’re not lucky enough or pretty enough to be female?? As if??

Yeah mine actually did that today, a boy texted me and he said I was really pretty but I just wasn’t interested in him. He was really sweet it just wasn’t you know what I wanted. So when I told him that my mind instantly made it something it wasn’t. Just because you don’t like someone doesn’t mean you’re gay. It’s dumb and I’m tired of the bullshit

(1) You need someone who specializes in OCD because the treatment is super specific and certain techniques that help other disorders don’t help OCD. (2) I’m sorry you have to deal with this massive trigger! Since you don’t seem to have a great therapist, I’m not sure if you know about or practice ERP therapy, but this is actually a great opportunity to practice exposing yourself. How to: Write out the story of what she said, how it made you feel, and what you fear will happen because of it. Record yourself saying the story. Listen to it again and again for about 5 min. Resist the urge to do any compulsions (ie analyze your thoughts/response, looking into your past for signs, mental/physical checking, etc.) Just listen to the story, sit with the anxiety, and pay attention as the anxiety dissipates over time. Do it again tomorrow and the next day and the next. Make the exposure time longer each week. Keep track of your anxiety levels and note them down somewhere. Compare them week to week and month to month to see progress. Good luck!

Thanks :)