Looking for opinions please. Suffer from Intrusive Thoughts related to speed (not the drug) due to past trauma as a child. However, experienced something different and peculiar.  I have been with my girlfriend for 10 + years, she's funny, beautiful and very sweet. I admit that I plan to get engaged end of the year. I recently returned from a trip abroad with my family, then soon took my girlfriend on a trip that involved a long arduous drive. On the day we returned we sat with her family having a nice time (even if I was a little tired) and suddenly a thought hit me from nowhere (paraphrasing) "you're laugh is annoying" or "you're not likeable". I was so taken aback that I even thought this. I love this girl, so where did that even come from?! Because of these kind of thoughts, I started to have an anxiety attack that I attempted to conceal from those around me. I felt sick to my stomach, sweating and even moderately shaking. I'm sure you all know anxiety, so I won't detail it further. But the idea of these thoughts still churns my stomach. Whenever I see her now I feel guilty, I feel anxious that I'll think something like that again. It's a vicious circle of course, the more you try to avoid these things they seemingly get worse. Is this even something related to OCD or Intrusive Thoughts? Usually such thoughts are images, not this. I have been looking up online what it could be, even considering whether it's voices in my head, afterall I don't know what that would even be like. I feel dreadful about it, I want to propose to her but she deserves better surely. Really confused and ashamed. My other intrusive thoughts are not like this, nor related to anyone. Would appreciate your thoughts. Thank you.

This is pretty classic ROCD. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I can’t tell from your story if you have prior experience working through OCD — you mention images so maybe you’ve dealt with it in a more visual way before. Many people experience it as thoughts, not images, or even both. You’re going to want to do a few things: (1) learn about ERP therapy and mindfulness, so you can deal with the thoughts and anxiety they cause. (2) forgive yourself and give yourself some compassion. I’m concerned that you think she “deserves better” when this is something difficult happening to YOU, not her. In fact, this probably has nothing to do with her other than the fact that you really care about her and your brain works a little different because of OCD. The road ahead isn’t easy, but you can do it. Next time you’re facing these thoughts, don’t engage with them by trying to answer or understand or reason with them. Just let them happen, acknowledge them, sit with the anxiety until it passes, and then move on.

It’s so hard not to! But that’s the whole point: have the thought, don’t do the compulsion, slowly get better.

Let ask you this, say your good friend came to you with this exactly story? What insight would you tell him or her to help them. Really think about this question and lmk.

Don't quite understand your comment

As in, your friend comes to you with this exact story and is asking you for your help. What is it you would say to him or her

Wish I knew. Because I don't fully understand it. Usually I can try to understand or formulate my thoughts, but not sure what this even is.

Thanks for this pureolife. I do suffer from unique thoughts about things travelling fast (like sped up) and I can't shake them, I'll try to find a way to calm the thoughts, avoiding some things that trigger me. Although they're unique to me and trauma I experienced at a young age, they're essentially intrusive thoughts. So this is something new, but I feel so guilty about it. I never OCD manifested as thoughts like "I hate you" (for example) when you see someone you love. So if true, this is something new I have learnt. Although my thoughts are never usually anything like this, tend to be as described previously. So scared that something else may be happening to me. Thanks for your comment, really appreciate it.

I actually WOULDN’T recommend avoiding these thoughts. OCD is by nature paradoxical: the more you avoid or suppress the more you tell your brain “this is clearly important!” which makes them happen more often and intensely. In fact, the only way to overcome an OCD theme is to expose yourself to it purposefully: think it without responding, analyzing, or trying to neutralize it. Sit with the anxiety until it diminishes. Repeat. Over time, your brain becomes habituated to the thought and doesn’t provoke anxiety anymore. And it stops meaning as much to you. There are sections in the app on ERP therapy and ROCD. Do some more research, don’t just take it from me. The treatment is hard, but it works.

So what your saying is purposely think about the thoughts that trigger you and sit with the distress?

Yup! Over time, your distress levels will go down. It can take weeks to months, it totally depends on the person. It takes a lot of bravery and grit to sit with negative emotions, but it’s the only way to heal and you’ll be a much stronger, sane person for it.

I made a post about this before where i asked if i should set a timer for a period of time think thoughts that upset me to try and habituate to them. Your saying i should do this?

Lots of people start off with a timed session, yeah. Start with 5 min everyday for a week. Then 10. Then 20. You may find that you like the structure and feel safer in a timed “bad thoughts” space. But you may also decide to take the practice into the real world as it’s happening: you’re looking at your gf and think something bad, rather than try to push it away or explain it, you sit with it until it dissipates. You may use mindfulness to watch the thought happen, acknowledge it, and then let it keep floating away without holding onto it. Different techniques work for different people at different times: experiment! But never avoid. That doesn’t work.

Just know: it may take awhile to start feeling better and no one is perfect. If you are struggling for awhile, it’s okay. This is a sucky process but it gets better. Good luck!

Ok, i struggle with magical thinking ocd. So my thoughts are all over the place but ill try thinking of things that trigger me and think if them for about 45sec i think i can do that. Just going to be hard not to do a compulsion afterward lol

So i just set a timer for 45sec and did some erp with my obsessive thoughts, wasn’t fun lol but now the thoughts wont leave. Any suggestions?

If you’re trying to make the thoughts “leave” you’re doing it wrong. The whole point is to have the thoughts. And sit with the anxiety they make you feel. Eventually, the anxiety will dissipate. Repeat. There are a few steps to recovery but the first is learning to have the thoughts without anxiety or responding to them (ie trying to get rid of them, understand them, check how they make you feel, etc.) Keep at it. You do the exposure and the thoughts are happening and won’t stop. That’s okay! Let them come. They’re thoughts. They won’t hurt you. And you’re going to feel anxious. Anxiety won’t hurt you either. It’s just going to feel uncomfortable for while. When do the thoughts stop? When you actually stop caring about whether they happen or not anymore. And that takes time. You’ve done one session. Give yourself a week or two and check in to see if there’s a difference. Think in weeks, not minutes or days.