- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
This is pretty classic ROCD. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I can’t tell from your story if you have prior experience working through OCD — you mention images so maybe you’ve dealt with it in a more visual way before. Many people experience it as thoughts, not images, or even both. You’re going to want to do a few things: (1) learn about ERP therapy and mindfulness, so you can deal with the thoughts and anxiety they cause. (2) forgive yourself and give yourself some compassion. I’m concerned that you think she “deserves better” when this is something difficult happening to YOU, not her. In fact, this probably has nothing to do with her other than the fact that you really care about her and your brain works a little different because of OCD. The road ahead isn’t easy, but you can do it. Next time you’re facing these thoughts, don’t engage with them by trying to answer or understand or reason with them. Just let them happen, acknowledge them, sit with the anxiety until it passes, and then move on.
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s so hard not to! But that’s the whole point: have the thought, don’t do the compulsion, slowly get better.
- Date posted
- 6y
Let ask you this, say your good friend came to you with this exactly story? What insight would you tell him or her to help them. Really think about this question and lmk.
- Date posted
- 6y
Don't quite understand your comment
- Date posted
- 6y
As in, your friend comes to you with this exact story and is asking you for your help. What is it you would say to him or her
- Date posted
- 6y
Wish I knew. Because I don't fully understand it. Usually I can try to understand or formulate my thoughts, but not sure what this even is.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thanks for this pureolife. I do suffer from unique thoughts about things travelling fast (like sped up) and I can't shake them, I'll try to find a way to calm the thoughts, avoiding some things that trigger me. Although they're unique to me and trauma I experienced at a young age, they're essentially intrusive thoughts. So this is something new, but I feel so guilty about it. I never OCD manifested as thoughts like "I hate you" (for example) when you see someone you love. So if true, this is something new I have learnt. Although my thoughts are never usually anything like this, tend to be as described previously. So scared that something else may be happening to me. Thanks for your comment, really appreciate it.
- Date posted
- 6y
I actually WOULDN’T recommend avoiding these thoughts. OCD is by nature paradoxical: the more you avoid or suppress the more you tell your brain “this is clearly important!” which makes them happen more often and intensely. In fact, the only way to overcome an OCD theme is to expose yourself to it purposefully: think it without responding, analyzing, or trying to neutralize it. Sit with the anxiety until it diminishes. Repeat. Over time, your brain becomes habituated to the thought and doesn’t provoke anxiety anymore. And it stops meaning as much to you. There are sections in the app on ERP therapy and ROCD. Do some more research, don’t just take it from me. The treatment is hard, but it works.
- Date posted
- 6y
So what your saying is purposely think about the thoughts that trigger you and sit with the distress?
- Date posted
- 6y
Yup! Over time, your distress levels will go down. It can take weeks to months, it totally depends on the person. It takes a lot of bravery and grit to sit with negative emotions, but it’s the only way to heal and you’ll be a much stronger, sane person for it.
- Date posted
- 6y
I made a post about this before where i asked if i should set a timer for a period of time think thoughts that upset me to try and habituate to them. Your saying i should do this?
- Date posted
- 6y
Lots of people start off with a timed session, yeah. Start with 5 min everyday for a week. Then 10. Then 20. You may find that you like the structure and feel safer in a timed “bad thoughts” space. But you may also decide to take the practice into the real world as it’s happening: you’re looking at your gf and think something bad, rather than try to push it away or explain it, you sit with it until it dissipates. You may use mindfulness to watch the thought happen, acknowledge it, and then let it keep floating away without holding onto it. Different techniques work for different people at different times: experiment! But never avoid. That doesn’t work.
- Date posted
- 6y
Just know: it may take awhile to start feeling better and no one is perfect. If you are struggling for awhile, it’s okay. This is a sucky process but it gets better. Good luck!
- Date posted
- 6y
Ok, i struggle with magical thinking ocd. So my thoughts are all over the place but ill try thinking of things that trigger me and think if them for about 45sec i think i can do that. Just going to be hard not to do a compulsion afterward lol
- Date posted
- 6y
So i just set a timer for 45sec and did some erp with my obsessive thoughts, wasn’t fun lol but now the thoughts wont leave. Any suggestions?
- Date posted
- 6y
If you’re trying to make the thoughts “leave” you’re doing it wrong. The whole point is to have the thoughts. And sit with the anxiety they make you feel. Eventually, the anxiety will dissipate. Repeat. There are a few steps to recovery but the first is learning to have the thoughts without anxiety or responding to them (ie trying to get rid of them, understand them, check how they make you feel, etc.) Keep at it. You do the exposure and the thoughts are happening and won’t stop. That’s okay! Let them come. They’re thoughts. They won’t hurt you. And you’re going to feel anxious. Anxiety won’t hurt you either. It’s just going to feel uncomfortable for while. When do the thoughts stop? When you actually stop caring about whether they happen or not anymore. And that takes time. You’ve done one session. Give yourself a week or two and check in to see if there’s a difference. Think in weeks, not minutes or days.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Hello. I am on my first relationship, (and I want it to be my only!) I've been at it for nearly 2 years, and it first starting happening a few months in. When the relationship started, it felt perfect to me. We are both extremely different people, we have different taste, different humor (but we both made each other laugh!) and just a different way of talking about things, (I tend to be more analytical, while she isn't as much). But I considered these differences to be fine, I never felt like it was an issue because our core values are very similar and I consider her a very intelligent girl. We just enjoyed time together, and each other, I thought she was cute as hell, and even if she didn't talk in depth about a lot of stuff, that didn't matter, I enjoyed the quiet times with her just as much as the talkative times. When the OCD kicked in, that's when I started to question everything, I questioned if I even loved her in the first place, if our relationship was just a sham, if I even found her attractive in the first place, her intelligence, her point of view, even dumb petty stuff like "oh she likes THAT movie???". After my first major breakdown, I confessed a lot to her. At this point, I didn't even know what was going on until I started to look into it. And that's where I found ROCD. On one hand, it was satisfying to see something I could point to as "the problem", on the other hand, I think it gave me bad motivation, it reassured me that this was something that I could just try and ignore. After I cooled down from this, I once again had a long period of bliss. I had a good schedule with her. >Go to work >Hang out with her (spend the night at her place sometimes) >go home and hang out with friends I enjoyed my time with her, taking part in her interests, and her taking part in mine. She wasn't always 100% into the things that I was, and that was always a bit disappointing to me, but in the same way you'd be disappointed if your friend didn't like the thing you liked. (now I over analyze these moments and question if I did always care more about this or not) This moment of bliss would end after another huge trigger. A part of the OCD I have yet to mention is my tendency to be worried that "getting along with other people that I find attractive" is the equivalent of either cheating on my partner, or backstabbing them. There was someone at work that I found attractive and I had a moment where it felt like I may have developed a thing for them, I still don't know if it's true because I generally found them to be annoying at times. I made a joke during work, that felt like I was propping myself up to them, I still don't know my motivation behind this joke, because it feels like it could have been something that I would have joked about to anyone, but I'm still not even sure about it. Either way I basically had a panic attack and later confessed to my partner. I don't know if I should have done it, or not, because I'm to this day confused about my emotions during that situation. Regardless. She was hurt, but she forgave me. It felt like I couldn't look her in the eye and feel like a sincere person to her. After this major moment, I felt like I never recovered. I started to avoid talking to this person at work, or really many women at work at all because of the fear that I'd fall for them. When an attractive women shows up I try and end the conversation quickly, this has only created a fear for taking to people, and it's extremely stressful. I got by though. And I would continue to love my partner. Until another major breakdown. This one created a new type of numbness to my partner, that felt completely different, and it's way more convincing. I mentioned in the past that my partner and I are very different, and that we even have different ways of talking about interests. My partner very much enjoys things for what they are, there's not much analysis, and that's fine. Me (and my friends) are very analytical. Last month I was showing her a game I like, and I started to question if she was even tracking what was going on, or even understood it, I was obsessing over the idea that she didn't even care about it (even tho I know she has always taken interest in what I like). This way of thought broke my brain and it made me feel completely incompatible with her. I question my behavior when I was showing her stuff in the past, I remember moments in which I questioned if she was actually paying attention even during moments when the OCD was low. I question if she has the ability to even watch something and understand what's going on. All terrible thoughts, and all thoughts that I never want to have. I'm scared to talk to my friends half the time because the thoughts of them being more "intelligent and analytical" pulsate through my brain. My friends and I are extremely cynical, about things like the film industry and sometimes if I'm going in on something it feels like I'm shitting on her by proxy just because she doesn't care about it as much as I do. I've isolated myself from friends and I think that did worsen my condition, because when it's just only me and my partner hanging out, I feel like it started attacking her more. This is the part where it just doesn't feel like ROCD anymore. I used to not give a single shit about these things, I was able to make blanket statements like "I think TikTok sucks and it's users are annoying" knowing full well my partner uses TikTok every day. There was a separation between me making broad statements and then not necessarily being indictive of my partner SPECIFICALLY. Now it doesn't feel like I have much anxiety anymore, because it just feels like I've accepted that my partner is who she is and I "don't know if I love her" when in the past, I've accepted my partner for who she is, and I loved her anyway. I feel like I'm just not as connected to her as I once was. I used to enjoy everything with her, now my brain overanalyzes everything she does and says. I can't just relax. I feel like I've lost any amount of structure and this turned into a ramble. But I guess that's where I'm at now. I've been attempting getting proper health insurance so I can talk to someone and not break the bank. I think about the times when none of these ridiculous nitpicks didn't matter to me, and I cry about the idea of leaving her. Thank you for reading.
- Date posted
- 25w
So i play in a band, and we were having practice, and my girlfriend was there listening to us, then this girl around our age walks in, and my head tells me to cheat on my girlfriend with her. I know i would never do such a thing. And it bothered me for days. And i ended up telling my girlfriend, and tried to explain my ocd. It hurt her and she believes that the instrusive thoughts, are my thoughts so in that, i must feel something behind them. And she feels hurt because i explained to her the obsessive part of ocd and how this thought wouldnt leave my head. And she got upset knowing that i was constantly thinking about cheating on her. I cant help but feel its all my fault. And now that she doesnt understand i feel really guilty for my thoughts and they are coming more often and worse. When i was fine for months, but my ocd always acts up right as i get in relationships, then i usually tell my spouse and tell them i cant feel guilt for my thoughts or they will get worse. And they usually just accepted it and it was easy. But with her it seems she just cant seem to understand, ive tried to explain it to her countless times, she isnt willing to do research with me to help better understand it or anything. Maybe for my first ocd issue telling her that wasnt the best idea.
- Date posted
- 22w
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
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