Harm ocd need advice please

So I’ve heard of exposure therapy, but how exactly does it work? I’ve been having these same intrusive thoughts about smothering my cat/person with a pillow and it had made me wary of pillows, but it’s like the thing I e realised is that as long as I am not dwelling on the thoughts or thinking of them, the pillow doesn’t affect me like I can’t sit and stroke my cat and it’s fine even if there’s a pillow near me, but as soon as I start thinking of those thoughts it feels very scarily real that I would do that and that I would ‘like the feeling of doing that’ I don’t really know how to explain that but has anyone else experienced that? Where like you’ve been ruminating of testing yourself on a particular thought so much that it not only feels extremely vivid but feel like you ‘like the feeling of doing that horrible thing when you thought it’ I don’t know how to explain it because I know that I don’t want to do that I cry almost everyday and whenever I do get the thought I get instant anxiety and feeling of needing to poo and I even started getting this weird crawling feeling in my private part down there…it’s really weird, another thing is recently idk if this is stress related but when I go to sleep I get this weird feeling in my heart and then it feels like it goes through my whole body but it’s not a good feeling it’s a bit scary actually and recently I’ve been getting lip tremors when I’m nervous (telling my life story now) but basically when I have those thoughts or dwell on them they not only feel scarily real but I don’t know why it feels like I would like the feeling of doing that because I don’t want to do that, last night I was about to go to bed and I decided to stroke my cat before I went to bed and then because it was having intrusive thoughts prior I started trying to test myself again by having the thoughts and then it just felt scarily real and for some reason that weird feeling of liking the feeling of doing that came and it was really scary and horrible and then I feel like I want to reassure myself that I wouldn’t so then I go back multiple times to stroke my cat so try and convince myself I wouldn’t do that but it’s just really horrible, I keep praying I just hope things will get better. But basically as long as I’m not having the thoughts I feel okay around pillows the only reason I feel uncomfortable is because the pillows remind me I am ‘capable’ of having the thoughts, so it’s like in my head now it’s like okay when I don’t have the thoughts I’m much happier and feel better but when I have the thoughts it feels like I would actually do that and like the feeling of doing that so as long as I have the thoughts ‘I’m bad’ or have ‘bad desires’ I’m just worried idk what to do it’s really scary, and when I have the thoughts and walk away, it feels like something bad was about to happen or that I dodged a bullet 😞😞

Iam2512

Date posted: 2y

Im too experiencing the same.

Dragos9898

Date posted: 2y

Ok so, it's not only Exposure, ERP stands for Exposure and Response Prevention and it works like let's say you shrug your cat on purpose with a pillow nearby you(now, at first that might be too much, but you can just try without the pillow). After you do that you will most probably be hit with that tought and anxiety because of it. What you want to do is sit with your anxiety, don't try to fight it with logic or ruminate about it, just sit there. Response prevention means resisting the urge to do a compulsion, in your case, resisting going back and convincing yourself you would never do that, there's lots of resources online about ERP and those could help, I'm not a professional so I can't say everything above is 100% right, I can just talk from my own experience and what I've learned by now. Have a nice day :)

lu22

Date posted: 24w

Harm ocd come back

Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

lu22

Date posted: 23w

No therapy, harm ocd need advice Asap please

I keep getting these horrible feelings come back that make me feel down or like my life isn’t the same. It feels almost like someone is holding you over the edge of a cliff and sometimes they pull you back and you feel safe and the next minute they dangle you back over and you feel like there is a big problem again. I feel like I can’t forget how it felt it made me feel like I’m actually evil and I wanted it and enjoyed it and I can’t be normal now. I feel like I don’t even know what I want. I try to forget and be normal but when I do it feels like how do I know I don’t actually want to be evil because it felt like that? And now it feels like what if that’s my true nature and I’m denying it and that makes me feel like well if I’m debating about whether I am or not maybe I actually do want it? I try to live normally but I can’t because I have ‘this’ problem. The thoughts were about stabbing and it felt like it was actually about to happen and I got this weird feeling that felt like I was suddenly really happy about it and discovered why evil people enjoy doing evil things and now I can’t get over that feeling emotion?? Because now I’m thinking how can I forget it felt like that?? And that feeling must still be there I’m jsut not looking for it like maybe if I sat there imagining those thoughts again maybe that feeling would come back ?? I don’t know what to do or who I am I don’t even know if I’m sad or if I’m worried or if I’m good or if I wanted that bad thing but that feeling has really affected me like I don’t know if I want to he evil or not and now I’m worried maybe I was impressed by that feeling what if I want that feeling again because it feels good what if because I felt like I was happy or enjoyed it now I want that again I’m so confused ?? What if evil people enjoy it and I’ve realised why they enjoy it and now I want that feeling again? I don’t know what to do

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Harm ocd need advice please

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