Bisexuality and ROCD

I have recently come out as bisexual and I am married and have a child. I have been constantly measuring how I feel around my husband and others the same sex as me. Distressing thoughts of should I be with a woman instead? I go in and out of these stressful periods. For a few months I am content and happy and then an intrusive thought about being attracted to women can send me into a spiral for a few weeks. I also analyze past relationships and feelings of attraction I've had to men and women in the past. Does anyone experience anything similar to this? What are some things that have helped you in the past? I am in therapy and on ocd meds. Thank you in advance!

meep.meep

Date posted: 2y

I experience this too. I'm a bi woman and am dating a man. Like you, I've mentally reviewed past relationships and feelings and I analyze my feelings of attraction to women vs. my feelings of attraction to men. It's hard to put into words how I've found peace with this so far. For me, I've tried to think about what kind of relationship I want to build with my partner and why (open or closed), and I've talked to him about it as I've thought about it. And I've tried to trust myself as I know it's a learning process. In the past, I've been in a lot of monogamous relationships but struggled when I felt attracted to other people because I didn't know what to do, and I often ended the current relationship to be with someone else, or even started a new relationship before ending the one I was in. Once I was single for a few years, I reflected on this and thought, maybe monogamy isn't for me (or maybe I'm not capable of a monogamous relationship), so maybe I'm polyamorous. However, while dating my current partner and thinking about it, I've decided to try monogamy again, and like I said, trust myself to make that commitment even though I'm not sure I'm fully capable of it, it's okay, just one day at a time. As far as being bi goes, it gets tricky for me when I question if I'm being my authentic self or if it would be more authentic for me to date a woman. I remind myself that my relationship with my partner grew incredibly authentically, as I just considered him a friend for about 10 months and then bam I felt much stronger loving feelings for him- enough that I wanted to just straight up tell him, haha. I also trusted that he actually liked me for me, too, because he had been happy being my friend for so long and didn't try to push a more serious relationship. We're actually both bi. I accept that my sexuality is a beautiful part about me, whether I'm dating a woman or not. Dating someone in particular won't further validate my sexuality. I'm sure I haven't had my last episode with this particular theme though. This is just some of how I've experienced and handled it so far. Hope it helps.

Znd1984

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I appreciate this so much! Nice to know someone understands what im going through. It is definitely a journey. Being okay with and accepting uncertainty has been tough but it seems like that is what my ocd thrives on- the unknown. Just talking about it with my husband and others to help normalize what I go through and to not feel so isolated is helpful. Thank you for responding!

meep.meep

Date posted: 2y

No problem. I'm glad talking about it has helped you not to feel isolated. I'm really struggling with accepting uncertainty with some of my themes, and I feel like I struggle to have insight with some of my themes.

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 22w

Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

Animallover065

Date posted: 18w

How do I get past this last bump with my OCD?

I struggle with HOCD or SOOCD. I’m a married young woman to an amazing husband. I’ve had this since I was 16 but it only came in flair ups. However this round started in October, and it’s been really rough and I would just break down all the time. I went up on my medication and I actually noticed a difference! My thoughts were still very present but I wasn’t really paying attention to them or giving them power. HOWEVER right when I thought I was getting better, my brain started feeling and saying to myself that I just know I am bi but you want to make excuses for it like “oh it’s normal to find someone hot since we as a society have an interpretation of what that looks like” or “I see the girl as myself and that’s what ‘turns’ me on” or “well I mean that girl looks kind of like a man” and it’s it’s making me spiral. I won’t ever come out as Bi as deep in my soul I don’t feel I am. I have always wanted to be with men sexually and romantically and that has not changed but my brain is making me believe I am and I just don’t want to admit it. Please help me, what has helped you?

yaya_zz

Date posted: 15w

Sexual ocd

Hey guys so I have been suffering with sexual ocd due to the fact that I don’t feel that romantic spark with him anymore, I love him and I know I do but I get to much in my thoughts thinking about why can’t I feel that anymore what has changed what if I don’t wanna be with anymore I’ve been with him for 4 years and at first I think it was ROCD but now I started thinking what if I’m into girls now I’ve always been the type to say oh a girl is so pretty or I like this about her but now I feel like every time I see a girl I’m like do I see myself in a relationship with her oh she’s pretty oh I like her voice do I find it attractive and sometimes I do !!! Which is killing me I feel disgust thinking about because what if I secretly am no shame to people who are my sister herself is but I just feel wierd because I wanna be with my husband and feel happy there not with a girl and feel like a man because I see myself in the mirrior and I’m like do I myself being a man do I look lesbian? Do I act lesbian or bi? What if secretly I wanna be a man or I imagine myself being a man in a relationship with a pretty girl and idk what to think

Sexual Orientation OCD

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Bisexuality and ROCD

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