Ended my relationship.. thx ROCD & SO-OCD

I lost attraction to my partner and I couldn’t look at him without thinking about that. I couldn’t have sex with him anymore because I felt guilty that I wasn’t into him that much. I also couldn’t stop thinking about other flaws he had even though ultimately he had way more good to him and we got along so well and we have so much love for each other. I’m bisexual and more into women than men, so also couldn’t stop thinking about women more. I feel guilty saying this out loud and it makes me sound like a terrible person. I love my boyfriend a lot but I broke things off because 1) I can’t be a good partner while dealing with all of this and 2) he deserves to have someone that really loves him without having these doubts. He doesn’t hold this breakup against me but I also couldn’t tell him everything I was feeling because I know it would hurt his feelings a lot. The breakup is not totally permanent and we could get back together if we decide it’s best but for now we agreed it would be best to focus on our own mental health first. But after this breakup I got incredibly sad and was reminded of all the reasons I was with him and why he is so great. Though I just can’t shake the lack of attraction. Id do a checking compulsion to check my attraction to him by staring at him in person or obsessively going through pictures of him to see if he is attractive. He is a handsome guy but I just can’t see it as much anymore and this feeling has persisted for almost 6 months! I thought it would go away but it didn’t and it just got worse. I don’t know if I made the right decision. But I also don’t know if I was making the right decision to be in a relationship. Now my question is.. how do you deal with these doubts in the context of a relationship? Because I ultimately have to make a decision about whether or not to get back together, and because it affects and involves another person and I don’t want to lead him on or waste our times, I can’t just accept that I don’t know like I can with other types of OCD. It’s causing me more distress to deal with these thoughts in a relationship than to not. Though i know my OCD will latch onto something else if I don’t start ERP. Thankfully I am starting soon.

Jeffrey

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I am sorry you are having a difficult time. And I am glad to hear that you are starting erp soon because that will certainly help you to deal with all of this. What I would encourage you to do in the interim is to try the best you can to sit with the anxiety and not to try to figure out whether or not you made the right decision with respect to your breakup. I am a bit leery to give you erp exercises because I don’t want to make things worse for you while you are waiting for erp to start but here is something I hope will help you When you ge the intrusive thoughts about your boyfriend you remind yourself is that you are having intrusive thoughts and that intrusive thoughts do not equate with truth. Perhaps a response like maybe I made a mistake and maybe I didn’t but I am not going to try and figure it out. Because the truth is compulsions make ocd louder and stronger. I recognize this is a new approach for you - and all of us before we have erp - so give yourself some compassion when doing this. It is a new way to respond to the cruelty of ocd and it will take time to stick. I hope this helps.

samah

Date posted: 2y

@Jeffrey I get having to sit with it, but the problem is that I do have to try and figure it out because I have to make a decision about whether to go back to the relationship or to end it for good. That’s what makes ROCD hard for me compared to other themes

Jeffrey

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@samah I hear what you are saying. What ocd wants is 100% certainty that this is the right person - and the truth is that nobody can ever be 100 % certain we are with the right one. That is based on our experience.

bmaria

Date posted: 23w

Rocd ??

Please help. Been with my boyfriend for 15 months. 6 months into our official relationship I found out he kissed someone 1 week before he asked out officially. He told me he loved me at that time and I felt we were exclusive. He apparently did not . He also agreed he would not watch porn and lied once about it. I also have been spinning about the types of women he thinks are attractive and I find disgusting so I sent him pictures for months hoping he would say it looks gross but he didn’t and it killed me. Throughout the relationship I have been spinning about these issues really hard and it damaged my trust for him but I know he’s an amazing great guy I just feel very uneasy. It has been 1 year of me spinning about these issues and other little ones constantly texting him everyday and my friends about them to try to figure things out but I am unhappy . 4 months ago I had a severe breakdown and since I am severely depressed and anxious every day all day with thoughts of is this a wrong relationship , comparing him to other men, wondering if I would be happier with someone else. I have been seeing a therapist seeing a therapist one thinks I have rocd and a psychologist doesn’t . Nothing is helping me and I’m on Zoloft . I broke up with him a month ago and I’m still spinning in circles if I made the right decision or if I left over rocd and overblowing the issues that bothered me . Someone please tell me if you think this is rocd (edited)

Firefly girl

Date posted: 23w

Rocd and Soocd

Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt

e2222

Date posted: 22w

Relationship OCD?/am I just evil

I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.

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Ended my relationship.. thx ROCD & SO-OCD

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