Hi all!!

So after my 2 hour crying and mental breakdown session, I am feeling a little better. But I still feel off bc of ocd symptoms. I don't think people realized how bad it was. I never doubted myself so much within the span of 2-3 hours in my entire life. It was so bad to yhe point where I actually thought I was bu, but then it switched to Lesbian, and now I'm feeling disconnected form myself and numb. I know I'm straight, but the intrusive feelings make me feel like I want to be with other girls, but I don't. Even writing that have me an anxiety spike. I hate this so much. Sometime I feel like im actually lying to myself.😞 I so sad right now And I'm getting thought as I'm typing. These thoughts are "you were a lesbian all along", "You aren't striaght" , "you leant to be woth a female" and these thoughts are so annoying and they make me so distressed and I don't know where to turn, or who to turn to.🥺 OCD is one he'll of a mindfrick that make you doubt everything about yourself. And when I'm not worrying about this, TRUST ME, it will go to gender identity OCD, then it will go to "you know you want kids" OCD, and then it will go in circles between the three.😫 When I tell you I was indistress, crying my eyes out, I wasn't joking.🌧 Quira really messed me up even more, because people kept saying hung like "Sexiality is fluid and it changes overtime" and ppl on reddit who also have ocd found things like "late bloomer lesbians" and they all trigger me.😥😭 I don't know if it's bc it was Christmas break and I had more time on my hands bc I realized I've been on reddit and quora more often these past two weeks and I'm starting to see a pattern.🤔 I know OCD will have lingering symptoms after the anxiety has gone down a bit but I had a huge anxiety attack, I felt physically ill, I was crying super hard at the thought of losing myself and I realized that it really was OCD in the end after i claimed myself down.😶 Dispute being boy crazy, OCD tells me I'm not and that I'm using it as a cover up bc I'm actually bi or lesbian depending on how ocd wants to portray me.🙄 Sorry about this rant, but I had to because I feel so alone and lost even thought I know who i am. I hope you guys can share your feelings and experiences abd bonus if they are similar to mine, no pressure!!🙂 Bye all!!! 💖💫✨️

xenon

Date posted: 2y

you can reach out to me if you ever need to talk to someone !

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

Thanks you so much💖💫✨️ I know it's OCD bc I have had breakdowns before, but this one felt different, again, thank you

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

OCD can't do that. OCD can manipulate deelings and thoughts all the time. If that was the case then a bunch of people who had OCD and recovered would have been the orientation that they feared. Ocd can't change who you are fundamentally. Idk if you've been online, but if you have the quit looking for reassurance. Only you know who you are. Stop taking misinformation as gospel and realize that people who had hocd and said that tgeir fears came true are either trolls or people who used ocd as a cover up of a false diagnosis. I recommend you watch Ali greymond, she's a good at dealing with OCD. From now on however, stop asking more and more questions, you trying to find out is a compulsion. You being scared is OCDs way of telling you that it taking you farther from reality and closer to delusion. Like I said, only you know who you are, so don't let OCD win because you have a "feeling" about your past, OCD want you to over analysie things so it can keep you stuck. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/azlxml/tricks_and_cheats_of_ocd/ Go to this subreddit, click on the blue words highlighted, and it should send you to a pdf on OCDs tricks and cheats. Once you read about this, don't ask anymore questions. 💖✨️💫

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

@polishgirl Oh lol! That's is nothing!! Did you know that Porn requires your braunt o like the stuff you watch? It's a whole thing. Will it be helpful to link you to a website called "Your braind on porn" ? It helps you see how porn destroys your brain and how it affects you. Lots of people on there have HOCD and you can look at all their stories and see that your orientation never changed, your brain was just rewired to enjoy it, once you step away from prom (assuming you did because you said it was a past thing), you know, like the people on the site, that this was never a "sexual awakening" or whatever the he'll that is. People use term and words to scare people, and don't realize that HOCD or SO-OCD is a real thing and not people in denial. I'll link you to the site and give you the link ti the stories of people with HOCD and how badly porn affected them. Hope this helps, and remember that porn affects everyone to a certain extend, but it won't change you💖✨️💫 (Also, a quick side-note, since porn rewired people's brains, it's not really you who likes it, in porn making you like it, it helps looking at it form that perspective😁)

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

@Acekid128 P.s. when you tell yourself "But no!!! I'm different!! It's really this time!!" That os definitely OCD. You know how many times I've had that when I had OCD attacks, o had alot of them during late 2022 and most of them were over HOCD, that gives me a good idea that it's OCD and not me.

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

@Acekid128 https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts/rebooting-accounts-page-3/age-24-pied-hocd-gone-beautiful-girlfriend-karezza-sex/ Hope this story alone helps, because I don't want you to doomscroll and look for reassurance, but this is just and example .😁✨️💫

[Deleted]

Date posted: 2y

Comment deleted by user

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

Don't worry, your sexuqlity ity can't change, that's lie.

summer.rose

Date posted: 2y

@Acekid128 I’m really scared if I’ve always had crushes on boys since a child that definitely means I’m straight and will forever be straight right!!? I hate ocd

wewillgetthr...

Date posted: 24w

My experience with SO-OCD

Hey everyone. I wanted to share my story and some of the things I have/am experiencing in my journey with OCD- particularly with Sexual Orientation OCD. My goal is not to use this as a means for reassurance for myself or for any other, rather as to be a reminder for myself and you all that you are NOT alone. No matter what you are experiencing you aren’t alone, and we have all gone through the same thoughts and feelings as you, in whatever form they may have been. For personal reasons I will not share my name, but I do want to share about me and my journey with what has truly been one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. I am a 24 year old female and for as long as I’ve remembered I’ve always been a “worrier”. My dad used to tell me that worrying will be the fastest way I’d die lol. Oh! How I wish I could go back to those days of just simply worry. For the past few years I have struggled with what I now know is intrusive thoughts. But, luckily for me they were a little calmer than what I’ve experienced now. They were the occasional worrying that my boyfriend died but I would get over it rather quickly. Well, in may of 2024, I had just graduated college, was about to get married and about to move out. So, that triggered some switch in my brain and thus began this horrible disease of OCD. My main type has been SO-OCD but I have found some moments that I’ve also struggled with ROCD as well as some existential crisis OCD. I have unfortunately not been able to go to therapy because of money but I am on meds and have been using tips and tricks I’ve found online. My goal is to still go to therapy when I can find the right time. And I, like many of you have months of great “freedom” from the disease; and then, like I find myself now, fall back into its trap. I wanted to share some of the things I’ve experienced with this to see if y’all have experienced the same things and to let you know you are not alone. For reference, I am straight (I am happily married to my wonderful husband). 1. Thoughts from the past: I slightly remember having a thought that I’d be gay when I was around 12-13… that was around the time I actually first figured out what that meant. Even then, I (more easily than now) brushed it off. Continued to have about a million crushes on boys and never thought of it again. But now, with my OCD, I feel “convinced” that that was a sign that I was gay. 2. I have always been a girls girl. Me and my friend have a joke that we are worse than men! Meaning that when we see a pretty girl with a nice body, we stare. We say they are pretty. Never have I ever thought anything of it. It was always from a place of envy and admiration. Never a place of lust or anything along those lines. But NOW. OH! If I even look that direction I feel guilty, I feel like that’s confirmation that I am gay. And even worse- that is one of my compulsions. To look and make myself “prove” I’m not gay. 3. I have lost “feeling” for my partner. I love my husband. More than anything else. I could not live without him. But since this all happened, my emotions and fears have been all over the place that I’ve somewhat lost that feeling. It doesn’t help that I’m on medicine that can have that effect. I have to just remind myself that love isn’t always feelings, it’s a choice. And I choose him every single day. 4. sex life issues: bc/ of the OCD fear as well as my medication, I don’t have much sex drive or pleasure in the bedroom as I did before OCD… and, my OCD likes to convince me that that is because I would be better off with a woman (even tho I don’t want that) and then, OH THEN, I proceed to experience some groinal sensation from that though. So- cue even more “proof” that I am gay. well- that’s all I can think of now. Let me know if any one yall struggle with those. And I hope you know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. YOU ARE NOT YOUR OCD 💚

Sexual Orientation OCD

Vee <3

Date posted: 16w

Heyyyy!

So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Pogoshow

Date posted: 12w

SOOCD

I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments

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