Hi all!!

So after my 2 hour crying and mental breakdown session, I am feeling a little better. But I still feel off bc of ocd symptoms. I don't think people realized how bad it was. I never doubted myself so much within the span of 2-3 hours in my entire life. It was so bad to yhe point where I actually thought I was bu, but then it switched to Lesbian, and now I'm feeling disconnected form myself and numb. I know I'm straight, but the intrusive feelings make me feel like I want to be with other girls, but I don't. Even writing that have me an anxiety spike. I hate this so much. Sometime I feel like im actually lying to myself.😞 I so sad right now And I'm getting thought as I'm typing. These thoughts are "you were a lesbian all along", "You aren't striaght" , "you leant to be woth a female" and these thoughts are so annoying and they make me so distressed and I don't know where to turn, or who to turn to.🥺 OCD is one he'll of a mindfrick that make you doubt everything about yourself. And when I'm not worrying about this, TRUST ME, it will go to gender identity OCD, then it will go to "you know you want kids" OCD, and then it will go in circles between the three.😫 When I tell you I was indistress, crying my eyes out, I wasn't joking.🌧 Quira really messed me up even more, because people kept saying hung like "Sexiality is fluid and it changes overtime" and ppl on reddit who also have ocd found things like "late bloomer lesbians" and they all trigger me.😥😭 I don't know if it's bc it was Christmas break and I had more time on my hands bc I realized I've been on reddit and quora more often these past two weeks and I'm starting to see a pattern.🤔 I know OCD will have lingering symptoms after the anxiety has gone down a bit but I had a huge anxiety attack, I felt physically ill, I was crying super hard at the thought of losing myself and I realized that it really was OCD in the end after i claimed myself down.😶 Dispute being boy crazy, OCD tells me I'm not and that I'm using it as a cover up bc I'm actually bi or lesbian depending on how ocd wants to portray me.🙄 Sorry about this rant, but I had to because I feel so alone and lost even thought I know who i am. I hope you guys can share your feelings and experiences abd bonus if they are similar to mine, no pressure!!🙂 Bye all!!! 💖💫✨️

xenon

Date posted: 2y

you can reach out to me if you ever need to talk to someone !

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

Thanks you so much💖💫✨️ I know it's OCD bc I have had breakdowns before, but this one felt different, again, thank you

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

OCD can't do that. OCD can manipulate deelings and thoughts all the time. If that was the case then a bunch of people who had OCD and recovered would have been the orientation that they feared. Ocd can't change who you are fundamentally. Idk if you've been online, but if you have the quit looking for reassurance. Only you know who you are. Stop taking misinformation as gospel and realize that people who had hocd and said that tgeir fears came true are either trolls or people who used ocd as a cover up of a false diagnosis. I recommend you watch Ali greymond, she's a good at dealing with OCD. From now on however, stop asking more and more questions, you trying to find out is a compulsion. You being scared is OCDs way of telling you that it taking you farther from reality and closer to delusion. Like I said, only you know who you are, so don't let OCD win because you have a "feeling" about your past, OCD want you to over analysie things so it can keep you stuck. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/azlxml/tricks_and_cheats_of_ocd/ Go to this subreddit, click on the blue words highlighted, and it should send you to a pdf on OCDs tricks and cheats. Once you read about this, don't ask anymore questions. 💖✨️💫

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

@polishgirl Oh lol! That's is nothing!! Did you know that Porn requires your braunt o like the stuff you watch? It's a whole thing. Will it be helpful to link you to a website called "Your braind on porn" ? It helps you see how porn destroys your brain and how it affects you. Lots of people on there have HOCD and you can look at all their stories and see that your orientation never changed, your brain was just rewired to enjoy it, once you step away from prom (assuming you did because you said it was a past thing), you know, like the people on the site, that this was never a "sexual awakening" or whatever the he'll that is. People use term and words to scare people, and don't realize that HOCD or SO-OCD is a real thing and not people in denial. I'll link you to the site and give you the link ti the stories of people with HOCD and how badly porn affected them. Hope this helps, and remember that porn affects everyone to a certain extend, but it won't change you💖✨️💫 (Also, a quick side-note, since porn rewired people's brains, it's not really you who likes it, in porn making you like it, it helps looking at it form that perspective😁)

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

@Acekid128 P.s. when you tell yourself "But no!!! I'm different!! It's really this time!!" That os definitely OCD. You know how many times I've had that when I had OCD attacks, o had alot of them during late 2022 and most of them were over HOCD, that gives me a good idea that it's OCD and not me.

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

@Acekid128 https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts/rebooting-accounts-page-3/age-24-pied-hocd-gone-beautiful-girlfriend-karezza-sex/ Hope this story alone helps, because I don't want you to doomscroll and look for reassurance, but this is just and example .😁✨️💫

[Deleted]

Date posted: 2y

Comment deleted by user

Acekid128

Date posted: 2y

Don't worry, your sexuqlity ity can't change, that's lie.

summer.rose

Date posted: 2y

@Acekid128 I’m really scared if I’ve always had crushes on boys since a child that definitely means I’m straight and will forever be straight right!!? I hate ocd

Vee <3

Date posted: 19w

Heyyyy!

So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Pogoshow

Date posted: 15w

SOOCD

I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments

anonymouscookie

Date posted: 14w

so ocd and bisexuality

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.

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