- Date posted
- 2y
Marriage problem
So, I cheated on my wife last year, bad, I know. We were going through divorce at the time and we had a rough last year. For years before I felt unhappy because she wasn't giving me what I need, I'd tell her what I need and how to give it to mee and she says her way should be enough. I felt more like a room mate than a husband. We've been married for 10 years and she hasn't had a job until 2021 when I got out of active duty army. I tried for years to help her get a job and she just didn't want one. She would sit at home, playing on her phone or games or watching TV while dishes and recycling piled up. We had our first son in 2020 and it made her even less desiring a job. We had my chores and her chores and she says that we should just share the chores, which I agreed too until she never helped me with what were my chores. We recently had our second son and she's upset that she has to temporarily go back to work while hes almost a month old, which I can understand. While we were going through divorce she tried to commit suicide, went to a hospital, learned all this stuff and even realized how I felt before the divorce stuff. She learned of my cheating we fought and reconciled but she has returned to the way she was before divorce and cheating. She thinks she's the only victim and doesn't see that I'm unhappy with how things have been going. She changed from how she was while we dated. I married that woman, not this woman. She says she changed into what she thought I wanted but never asked or listened to what I wanted and need. I'm also highly into BDSM and I'm a Dominant and she was my sub while we dated. It's how we met. Well, since marriage I've had to try and surpress the BDSM side of me even though before we got married, I told her numerous times that I can't be vanilla. Well it's come out in fights that she doesn't understand that it's a part of me and that I can't be me. I have to hide and surpress myself. I have been diagnosed with anxiety driven depression. She has some of my ocd traits. We'd start watching a movie, or show, and during she'd want to leave and go somewhere and get mad that I wanted to finish what we started watching, even if we've seen it numerous times. She hates that I need to have things mirrored and that I get upset with my projects if they aren't like perfect, especially when I know I can do better. I tell her I need her to initiate things like hugs or cuddling and sex instead of me always having to do it, she doesn't understand no matter how many times I explain it to her. I feel like I have to do everything while she sits and does nothing. I mean now she has a new born we have to deal with and a toddler. But if I don't do something, it almost never gets done, even before we had kids. I don't make much at my civilian job, I've tried getting a job that pays more and get denied. We are behind on phone, internet and power bills because I don't make enough to pay rent, gas for my vehicle and all the other bills. She just wants to sit and do nothing and gets mad that I want her to have a job to help out.