You are NOT your intrusive thoughts??‍♂️

But what about when the thoughts become feelings?

I am not a newcomer to this group. I have posted before and I truly believe this is something wonderful! I grew up with OCD and have been accompanied by it every day of my life, since I was 5 years old. There were few resources if any back in the 70s and 80s. Thanks to technology and great people, we are no longer alone with our intrusive thoughts and compulsions. I still suffer. Some days are great and some are hard. The day before yesterday, I was at the grocery store with my wife and OCD hit me hard. I suffer from Pure-O. I hoard memories and I have to get everything just right. It’s debilitating. All of a sudden I had to sit down at the grocery store, I felt overwhelmed. I had the compulsion to relive a conversation that I had 25 years ago when I was talking to a guy outside of a restaurant. On that ocassion he told me that my boss’s company (the firm that I worked for) owed his company $40,000.00 USD or $14,000.00 USD. I don’t remember the exact amount and I shouldn’t care. It’s not important; however, my OCD brain makes me try to remember the correct amount. It is a ritual that never ends. Every waking hour of my life has been tormented by the need to replay that moment 25 years ago, in order to know for sure. The more I give in to the urge to think, the more I have to keep doing it. I find myself not wanting to wake up in the morning. Sharing these experiences has always been helpful. I am confident that this will not be the exception. I don’t feel sorry for myself. I love life and I embrace my OCD. I am certain that even thou it has at times been difficult to live with, it has made me a better person, empathetic and thirsty for knowledge. I love to write and plan to publish novels. I write now, in order to feel better! I know that with this, I will deflate the ballon and peace will come. My wish is that we all find relief! Kindest regards James

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/stronger-fear/201912/ocd-isn-t-thought-problem-it-s-feeling-problem?amp

I read something that because OCD is ego dystonic it triggers the limbic system and that's the feeling area of the brain.. Don't know if true but if true makes a lot of sense

We’re not our feelings either, or though it seems to me it’s much harder to detach from feelings than thoughts. We are the perceived of thoughts and feelings. The empty space within which thoughts and feelings appear and disappear.

Dogs2022 you will thrive! Writing helps me, talking is great too! It releases a lot of pressure. Please know that I am far from being an expert. I can only speak for my self. By all means. I encourage you to speak to one of the experts on this forum.

To me writing = peace

I need to feel right today. Today is my son’s graduation. He’s graduating from bootcamp. I am in the big city with my wife and two other children. I have been planning this trip for months, ever since my boy left. He’s been gone for 10 weeks! Ever since I was very young, going out of town has been a huge trigger of Pure-O. I keep thinking, I’m out of town, folks back home are saying, I’m out of town. They know and I know that I’m far from home. Ughh, it’s overwhelming and debilitating! I am experiencing what I call “the out of town syndrome” It is a mental state caused by OCD (Pure-O) that makes me feel anxious and prevents me from fully enjoying every moment. It can and will wreack havoc inside my head if I let it. The fact that I “must” enjoy the trip triggers my anxiety all the more! On top of everything, I have to deal with a difficult daughter that is constantly nagging and wants me to change her airplane ticket so she can return home right away because she’s worried that her boyfriend is going to cheat on her! I am pretty good about dealing with normal stress, so I should be ok if I can manage my pure-o. My desire is to find peace by writing these lines. After all, am an author. My art form is creating stories and I pray that I am able to create a fulfilling experience in this trip. By writing, I am confident that I will obtain the peace that I am seeking. I have accomplished it before, in fact it’s never failed! I write to find relief, I write to put my thoughts in order and to live a fulfilling life. I will enjoy the big city, I will enjoy my family and I will have a wonderful and rewarding experience with my newly minted military son!

Writing these lines is an investment in my mental well-being. I know that therapy would be the best thing, but while I get to the point where I am able to afford that, I will write and I will live better! I already feel better, but the thought still nags me. What if I can’t have a good time, what if Pure-O has its way and what should be a perfect moment is ruined? It’s terrifying to think! It certainly does not help my anxious brain to entertain those thoughts! I write and I feel better! I will enjoy the moment! No pain, no worries, life is beautiful! I love my Son, I love my family! The big city is nothing short of awesome!

Perciever

Can ocd latch on to your fears?

I write about this in order to feel better. Pure OCD can get to a point where we cannot function in our everyday lives. I speak from experience. Talking about is feels like a breath of fresh air! I know I have a long way to go! It’s a process that must be worked one day at a time. I am grateful for being able to write about my experience. I wholeheartedly hope that my experience will help others!

I wrote about it and it helped. I have experienced relief throughout the day. I still have the compulsion knocking on my mind’’s door, but it hasn’t been as sticky as it was yesterday nor as frightening as it was the day before. It’s incredible how something so silly can cause such anguish. Truthfully, it is not that complicated. It is just our brain misfiring. It is not even the thoughts that matter. Tomorrow I may just ruminate over what color of eyes my neighbor’s dog had 10 years ago! It is that silly, yet it can turn into a category five hurricane inside my mind’

I had a wonderful time at the Windy City! I am back home now and while new challenges will always present themselves, having shared my fear in the previous two posts made all the difference! I am thankful for this site and I look forward to getting therapy in the near future! In the mean time, I am taking advantage of the opportunity to write about my struggles. Writing and/or talking makes all the difference! I felt like I opened a valve in my brain that helped a lot!

Hi guys, my last post was a couple of weeks ago. The Windy City made a huge impression on me. I was spared of nagging thoughts, thanks to the opportunity to write about my fears. I am truly grateful for that. I made memories that I will cherish for ever! I am now back home. I have been for almost two weeks. Last night I got hit with a pattern of nagging thoughts. They attack where we don’t want them to. My OCD brain says “oh, so you had a great time in Chicago? What was it like in your imagination before you went there? How different was it when you actually visited? Can you remember what it was like in your mind before you went? What was it like after you saw it?” And it just goes on and on. Mind you, I have real world problems to take care of. Thinking over and over about that nonsense makes for long spells in which I am just pretending to be looking at my phone, when I am really giving in to those rituals. It can hurt really bad and it will ruin any moment if we let it, not to mention our productivity! Luckily, this site exists and I am able to put my thoughts into writing and that’s opens up a valve that releases all that mental energy. I get to feel well and enjoy my life! It never fails and I have faith in that, besides I love to write! If my story will help at least one person out there who suffers from the same cycles that I do, I will be forever grateful! I love Chicago, I love to travel and discover new places, I love Chicago pizza and great memories! Chicago existed before I went there and will be there for us to enjoy. The skyline, the lake, it’s friendly people, it’s diversity, will always be there! I know writing this will make me strong! It has always helped and this time is not the exception! Blessings to all!

Writing these next lines is helpful to my brain: I had seen Chicago on TV, in magazines and on the internet. I had a pretty good idea of what it was like before I visited. Although, I must say, it was much nicer than what I had envisioned! It exceeded my expectations!

Now I can get to work!

Writing on this site affords me a daily dose of happiness. I have been thinking about Chicago recently. I had a great time in the Windy City. OCD attacks our most treasured memories and tries to turn them into something painful! That’s why it’s so hard on us. The more you care about something, the more it hurts when we think about damaging or inflicting pain on that person that we care about, on that pet that we love or on that item that we cherish. At this time in my life, OCD is pointing towards my memories of a recent trip to Chicago because that is something that I cherish. OCD revels in ruining everything! It’s what it does! Does this make sense to anyone? I’m not an expert. I suffer just like everyone else, but I with each post that I write I punch OCD in the gut and it looses power, so I can go on with my life! Sometimes, I have to write several times about the same compulsion, in order to diffuse it. Some compulsions are harder than others to diminish, but my writing always comes around! Peace of mind is always at the end of the road, even if I have to start all over the following day! In a nut shell, OCD tries to make me feel miserable with sticky, senseless thoughts. Chicago is beautiful, I love it, it was just like I had imagined, but better! Chicago is my kinda town!

Chicago is great! This chain of thoughts that has been bugging me is at times enjoyable because I had a great time in Chicago. The thing is that if I say to myself that it’s terrible, I will go down a spiral of distressing thoughts and will not want to do anything, but ruminate. That’s no fun! On the other hand if I feel that it’s just my brain misfiring and take it for what it’s worth, I’ll be ok. We all will! I like to write, and it appeases my OCD brain, it opens a release valve and Incan literally feel the energy exit! It may sound crazy, but there are emotions stored in our mind that just get out. Right now, I gotta say that my OCD brain is still pestering me “What did you think Chicago was like before you went there and what si you think when you actually visited? Was it the same? Was it better?” This sounds so crazy right? But that’s what we have to go through! If I had never discovered this site and if it the opportunity had never been afforded to me to write these lines, I can assure everyone that I would be ruminating about what I described above, without even going to the bathroom without interruption. It’s like my thoughts just can’t flow. I am stuck, thinking the same thing, over and over. I am writing this because it is a means to feel better. It works for me. I definitely want everyone to take this in a positive way and realize that if you share your thoughts, you will feel better. Maybe writing isn’t for everyone, but it’s definitely worth the try. Talking also helps! So, with all this having been said, I will continue with my day and just let the thoughts flow! Go Bears, Go Cubs! Go Bulls!

I have been out of touch for a while. I could write every day, but I don’t want to bore everybody! I look at the stuff I’ve written and it seems so silly to me now. I have a hard time imagining how it could’ve seemed so important when I was struggling, but that’s how our OCD brain works. It’s always a different thought, sometimes the same thought comes back to haunt me. I speak for myself, but I am certain that a lot of you can relate. Last week I was tormented with questions about Chicago before and after my magical trip there. Yesterday, another obsession knocked on my door. Memory OCD, It can be so debilitating, but it doesn’t have to be! When I write, I put things in order in my head and I diffuse the problem. It’s never failed, yet I am always afraid that there will be a time when it won’t work, but then I keep writing about it and even that fear goes away! When I met my wife 33 years ago, we started going out shortly after and it wasn’t long before I proposed to her. It was a happy time, although I was always stressed and my OCD spiraled out of control. I didn’t have any management tools. I knew something was wrong with me, but I didn’t know what it was and that made it all worse. I was very busy at work and I often neglected two things. One was my shoes, they were always full of dirt because I worked outside. The other thing that I didn’t take care of was my car. It was always dirty. I had no time to wash it! I was always busy! It’s a poor excuse, I know! Believe me, OCD had a lot to do with it My wife, always a perfectionist, said to me “I want you to shine your shoes everyday. A man with shiny shoes looks impecable. I want you to always look well groomed!” I never forgot that! She has done a wonderful job in 32 years that we have been together. I am painfully aware of how hard it has been for her to put up with me all these years, but I know how much she loves me! She’s always been with me! My OCD brain threw a curve at me day before yesterday. It said to me “Was it the shoes or was it the car? Does an impecable man shine his shoes or does he wash his car? Which one was it? Which did your wife ask you to always keep in mind?” It’s so silly, I know. This nonsense has nothing to do with my real life problems, BUT that’s the cross that I have to carry. Fortunately, I know where it comes from and it’s a cross that can be much less burdensome if I just do what I know how. I write and it gets lighter. It’s better if I keep my car washed and my shoes polished. I should do both, cleanliness is holiness, but it’s no big deal if I can’t. That’s not going to take my sleep away and remembering exactly what my wife asked me to keep in mind 32 years ago is not necessary. I love to reminisce, but nobody said that I have to remember every single thing perfectly. Isn’t that right? Who cares? Nothing is going to happen. “Are you hearing me OCD, nobody cares!” I think she said my shoes should be clean! I am certain that she also talked to me about my car, but it must’ve been on a different day or maybe it was at the same time. Who cares??!! Ok, that’s what I wanted to say today. I hope it helps someone out there and I pray that I can enjoy some much needed relief! Blessings to all!

I get so tired sometimes! I write and I feel better, but sometimes I worry about writing too much and boring everybody! The last obsession, I shared with you guys, hit me hard. I am certain that writing can help diffuse it. I just haven’t written anymore about it. I guess deep down I am embarrassed at how something so silly as something my wife told me 33 years ago could cause so much distress for me today. I must admit this has taken a toll on my work life. I am struggling now because, I have been unable to work to my full potential. I don’t mean to complain about stuff, I just need to get it out of my system, so I can move forward with my life. Something that I noticed recently is the amount of useless talk that accompanies my obsessions. It’s as if the main thought is in the center and great deal of rubbish talk that makes no sense at all surrounds the main idea. It’s all in my head, I know that much for sure. It’s all part of my internal dialogue. Has anyone experienced anything similar? I can be ruminating about a certain question that sticks to my mind, for example, my most recent and still active obsession has to do with my wife telling me to polish my shoes when we were dating because a man with polished shoes looks elegant. I am not sure thou if she said that I should wash my car. Was it the shoes or the car? Which was it? Sorrounding that main idea, there is a lot of internal dialogue that I am compelled to recite in my head. They are absurd thoughts that make no sense. It’s a ritual. This morning I caught myself thinking that and forced myself to stop and at least isolate the main thought and not accompany it with secondary thoughts. This is very painful because it gets to a point where that nagging question dominates my mind for every waking minute. I still do all my normal obligation stuff, but it takes five times more effort and my work suffers. Ultimately my bank account takes a big hit. So, there I said it. I hope this will help. I want the monster to shrink. I believe it will. My best wishes to all! May we all feel mentally healthy! Kindest regards James

Obsessions, they never stop. There is an endless repertoire! If I had a dollar for every thought that has tormented me, I would undoubtedly be a millionaire! The latest one that has tormented me has to do with two punks that I had the misfortune of knowing when I was in 7th grade. They bullied my best friend because he had told on them for smoking. When they returned from a three day suspension, one of them cornered my friend and said “I oughta kick your ass” They were eventually expelled because they were caught using drugs on campus in an unrelated incident. This was 1978. Its been 45 years. I hadn’t thought about the incident with my friend in all that time. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the thought pops into my mind and with a vengeance it demands to know which one of the two bad guys said “I oughta kick your ass”. This takes over my mind for two weeks with no repose. I have to remember which one said it. Every thing else has to be put on hold. Over and over, I have to replay that event and remember who said “I oughta kick your ass” without the slightest doubt. I feel overwhelmed. I feel guilty for neglecting real obligations, especially when consequences of neglect start to knock on my door. I look forward to going to sleep at night because that’s when I can stop ruminating and dread waking up because that’s when it starts all over. Now that I have written about it, the OCD monster will loose power. Talking = Relief. That’s how it works for me. I know that’s not the right way to deal with OCD. The correct way is to learn to dismiss the urges as they come and accepting the anxiety that comes with not doing the rituals. For now, I rejoice in knowing that I will get some rest. I may need to write about it a few more times, in order to annihilate the OCD beast. I will do that in order to feel better. I will write until the time comes when I can dismiss the urges as simple and annoying OCD without having to be overcome by it. This isn’t pleasant, but I love to write and that’s a great thing. I also know that I have great company. I hope my experience will help at least one person! Blessings to all!