Harm ocd/smile?

Can anxiety or discomfort from having the thoughts ever make you feel like you could break out into a smile? Like I know these thoughts distress me but from feeling confused as to whether I like the thoughts and checking whether I’m ‘happy’ or looking in the mirror to check my facial expression I’ve become worried it’s true. Now sometimes when I’m worried/anxious I feel like I could break into a smile or suddenly smile or that I secretly want to smile? What is this

TT2022

Date posted: 2y

I think the answer would be smile anyway. The obsession is that you aren’t bothered by your thoughts. It is an obsession. Treat it as such.

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@TT2022 A few times I kept thinking ‘imagine you smiled right now, that means your evil’ because in movies you would see the evil character pull and evil smile and some how I thought that I would suddenly do that

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@TT2022 But I tried smiling once or twice and saying sarcastic things to myself like ‘yeah your REALLY happy about this’ but I think it just made me more scared

TT2022

Date posted: 2y

@lu22 It’s not surprising that that is a theme for you because it is seen in SO many movies like you said. It’s based in reality of something we see often. Something I have been doing in therapy is accepting the thoughts and labeling them. “That is a “harm” thought.” And continuing on without ruminating. You think that you have to ruminate and figure out why you are feeling/thinking this way in order to move on. You don’t. There isn’t a problem that needs to be solved, this problem is your reaction to the thought.

Jesse M.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Sometimes I smile when talking about tough subjects to try to help other people feel more comfortable. My therapist called me on it early in our relationship when I was talking about harm ocd and suicidal ocd and I was smiling. I was surprised to hear that! It was an unconscious behavior.

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@Jesse M. Someone else on here has said the same thing before, that their therapist told them they would smile while talking about there problems. I don’t actually smile but I feel like I’m a about to or want to or that I’m happy and it’s scary. I think wanting to laugh or smile in serious situations is something I have struggled with quite a bit. This is going to sound bad but the other day I saw a car flipped over and there was lots of police and things but when we drove past I was having a look to see what happened and all of a sudden I felt like I couldn’t keep a straight face and that I wanted to laugh and i started thinking what on earth is wrong with me or another time I was visiting my grandma in hospital and I felt like laughing when I saw her but my brother said he felt like he wanted to laugh to, like we couldn’t keep a straight face but it’s scary

Jesse M.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@lu22 Thanks for explaining! I hope you can feel how scary it is and stick with that feeling until it recedes. At least that's what works for me.

Miapapia

Date posted: 2y

The same thing happens to me

LizM99

Date posted: 20w

Is this something OCD does?

Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢

dessy

Date posted: 14w

Harm ocd

(Trigger warning) So recently I’ve caught myself being more content with these thoughts…and due to the fact of me not freaking out is making me freak out because I also have this weird little birdy in my thoughts that just say “do it” I’m not sure if I’m the only one and I’m ofc scared of that but please tell me this is normal…I can’t even cuddle my boyfriend or anything right now.

Anonymous

Date posted: 12w

I feel like it was never OCD, or it was but now it feels different.

There are moments when something takes over me, like I have to fight myself (literally restrain myself) from acting on my thoughts, like causing harm to my parents or brother. I get these feelings that feel so real, like they are genuinely my own. There are moments when I feel like I like them, and it makes me question whether this is truly OCD or if it's me. Then I wonder whether this is me lying to myself, because I feel the urge to smile at the thought, or feel like I have some pleasure. I check whether I like them, and then I feel like I do, so I stop immediately. I feel like my old self is gone, and I've become this person, and that it was never OCD. Right now, as I type this, I feel like I'm lying to myself. There are moments when I feel like my brain splits, as if this is my new personality. Or there are moments when I feel like it might feel liberating or freeing if I do it. I genuinely feel like this is not OCD. There are moments when I stop the thought, and I feel like it's out of principle, as if I don't truly want to stop at that thought. I truly can't picture this to be my life now. I never had these thoughts in my life until two and a half months ago. It truly makes me question whether it was OCD. I don't get why. I used to view my family as my world, and now my mind is making me scared and feel like my room is my only safe place from them, from me.

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